Hi! I wrote the following post and then I read it back to myself and it sounds awfully preachy. I was thinking about not posting it, but I really believe in what I wrote and I think it is really important, so I am going to post it anyway.
Please do't take it wrong... it is just one person's oppinion.
I am just sharing my experience??take what you like and feel free to ignore the rest. I know how hard it is to parent a child like this. Trust me I know. I know how much you worry, and how hard you work with her?I bet maybe even for hours some school nights. I know the worry of "But what is going to happen them in the future? How will they turn out?"
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My son has learning differences, and my advice to you is to get her tested by a professional for learning differences both inside the school system and OUTSIDE the school system, on your own. She needs help. Don't let her suffer.
No child wants to be stupid. They would rather be ?lazy? ?class clown? or ?tired.? You said she didn?t pass the test because she ?didn?t bother to read.? Humm. Kids don?t want to fail. Your child was willing to tell a whopper of a lie in order to not fail. If it was so easy for her to just read and get the answers, don?t you think she would have?
Also, marks on a paper are the worst thing in the world to kids like my son. Teachers don?t know what they are doing to them with those big, stupid marks!
My son could work for 10 minutes on a paper and get the same mess of red pen marks and poor grade as he does when he works for 2 hours on a paper. So why should he work hard? In his mind, it makes no difference because he still isn?t going to get a good grade. And so he stops trying at all. It is called Learned helplessness.
http://www.ldonline.org/ld_indepth/self_esteem/helplessness.html
I work with kids like this in a school. When I must to mark a paper for a kid like this, I make very, very tiny marks in BLACK pen and I put twice as many positive BIG marks on the paper, like "good job!" "Great effort!" "Great ideas!" "Creative!" "I love this sentence!" If it is at all possible, I make NO negative marks and instruct the child on what was great about their paper and what I want changed VERBALLY, and carefully. Their sprits are so fragile, and have already been crushed.
It sounds like your daughter is giving up on learning. Giving up on herself.
She needs tons and tons of positive feedback for every single effort she makes in school.
That mission rough draft with fewer correction marks than usual should be a cause for a party! yeah! Great job! Soon the whole thing will be done! Yet she was afraid to show it to you. This is what you can change.
If you want her to try in school, then NO school work that comes home should ever be punished (and by that I mean even any negative comments about trying harder. Not even a negative look on you face! Harder than it sounds!)
Never, ever, ever say "Try harder!" And please have her tested so you can get her the right kind of help and remediation she needs.
Oh and if your child has difficulty with school work and you don?t want them to avoid it and hate it, I wouldn?t use school work as a punishment. Unless you want her to hate writing essays even more!
Ok, I know I said a lot of ?you shoulds? and stuff. Sorry about that. Please just take what you like and leave the rest. It is just one person?s opinion.
I am a very critical person by nature and a perfectionist and I think school is very important, so I really put my son through a lot of crap when he was younger. I didn?t think I was being critical and a perfectionist, but I was. It is taking a lot of time to undo some of those things, but things are getting better and better now.
I know how hard it is to raise a child like this. Your daughter is so lucky to have parents that CARE!! Her future is brighter than so many kids because you are willing to do what it takes to raise a great kid. You care. You put in effort. And you love her. It is going to be ok. Don't let your fear of what could happen in the future drive your actions. One day at a time.
Feel free to PM me if you have any questions about Learning differences or how things have gone with my son? (he is in 7 th grade now).
Sending you support and encouragement,
-Lisa
Underneath every lie is a fear. Punishing fear only makes it worse. Fears should be confronted and comforted.
Absolutely true!
