A very lonely life. (page 2)

TheListener

I'd help out but I'm married - for now.wink wink

marcosgarcia

Opps sorry I sent a blank. Here is my scoop.

1.Get some counseling. You need to talk with someone. Sometimes we get depressed and make our problems worse. So you need that second party to confide in. A friend or family memeber is not good enough, you need an unbiased professional that can help you sort things out so you can decide what works for you.

2. LIVE LIFE! I mean really grab it and get out there and please yourself. From what I have seen on the board, many of the ex JWs don't know how to live. They have been programed so darn much on how to behave that there is no "ME" . They don't seem to be able to answer the queston "What do I want out of life?" They seem so afraid and out of touch with the real world. It is difficult for them to come out of that protective shell they lived in. Often they never make it out and retreat to the old ways becasue it is easier and safer.

How about this, try some new things. I'm a guy and I took a cooking class, a first aid class and a dance class. Was I nervous? Of course. And there were times when I felt foolish, but get over it. Doggone it if you don't get out there and do stuff you will never meet anyone. Don't do things with the idea of husband hunting,just do things to please yourself. You will be surprised at how much you learn and how interesting you become. You will have things to talk about. So find something you like to do and expand on it. Get involved. Don't sit and mope and watch TV get out and do things. You might meet someone and if you don't atleast you enjopyed yourself and I know it soudns hokey, but you'll be a better person and can carry on a conversation about your interests.

Mind you that in love it does not matter what you look like. There is someone for everyone. I think the lookers have more problems for a long term relationship, they can be a hottie, but boring as heck and high maintenance (you have to do it all for them--- stay away from those). The interesting person is the one that makes the best companion. Go out and find yourself. Who are you and what do you like to do? Can you answer that? Another thing I find rewarding is helping others. It makes you and them feel good: I don't think JWs are encouraged to do much charity work they are too busy preaching to be bothered with making the world we live in (not Paradise on Earth) a better place that they miss the bus to being happy here on earth. BTW What have you done on your own? do you liek to be with yourself. I bet you are a lot more interesting than you think. PM some time if you like. I have a ohhhh so strange life. This board has helped me so much. People here encourage you and there is a ton of ino here. Good luck and hang in there.

Preston

My first reaction to your letter: Christ, what a mess.

My second reaction: You've identified a self-defeating pattern in your love life: You are too timid. A self-defeating pattern, once identified, is easy to break--provided you have the balls. Here's how you do it. When you and a lovertine cross paths, Harpy, provided you're careful, will have to tell this lovertine that you dig them but that you're a virgin. Provided that the lovertine is understandable there should be no reason to hide your dilemma. There's a first time for everything. I think moving to a new town is a good first step.

And if push comes to shove...well...Call up a few escorts, tell them the truth about your situation (miserable virgin, socially awkward, dub life), and make an appointment with the first one who seems like a nice person. I've known plenty of escorts, and, without exception, each regarded the deflowering of a virgin as an almost sacred trust. Be clean, be respectful, use protection, and tip the gentleman.

- Preston

silentWatcher

>> Check out postings at the Library for events; volunteer in something that sparks your interest...

Consider adult "mini-courses," usually offered by local community colleges or sometimes universities. They usually meet a few evenings a week for several weeks, and are about a general topic. You get to meet people and learn something new at the same time. These are NOT the same as taking regular classes, they less structured and more geared towards learning something practical.

silentWatcher

>> Call up a few escorts, tell them the truth about your situation (miserable virgin, socially awkward, dub >> life), and make an appointment with the first one who seems like a nice person.

that is a STUPID thing to suggest.

1) It's illegal -- unless you live in Nevada. If caught, your name could end up published in the local newspaper, and you could end up paying a heafty fine.

2) It's dangerous -- you could end up catching an incurable disease, like HIV or herpes.

Preston

that is a STUPID thing to suggest.

I assume you say its stupid for the reasons listed below

1) It's illegal -- unless you live in Nevada. If caught, your name could end up published in the local newspaper, and you could end up paying a heafty fine.

Well, I did say "if push came to shove". I'm sure it is illegal when Harpy lives but finding someone who's willing to help her out is a better alternative than being a virgin her entire life.

2) It's dangerous -- you could end up catching an incurable disease, like HIV or herpes.

Re-Read my post above. I addressed how Harpy should be careful.

- Preston

outoftheorg

What Nathan Natas said and check out some of the churches and find a singles group.

If you are severely overweight, for this problem AND your health, look into weight reduction by your doctor and a weight reduction group.

Being ALONE is one form of being lonely, so making friends and associates is important. This and other things is where the psychologist is important.

Don't feel that this would be degrading yourself, there are VERY FEW of us that would not improve with a little visit to the psychologist.

Outoftheorg

upside/down

Get a gym membership.... and stick to it no matter what!

It's just a matter of time..... guaranteed!

u/d (of the love yourself first and others will follow class)

Harpy

Call up a few escorts, tell them the truth about your situation (miserable virgin, socially awkward, dub life),

I am not a Miserable virgin. I may be a virgin but I see nothing wrong with that. I am fine waiting for the right person. I am not a horny slut that will lay down with some man whore.. Sex IS NOT Love...

JW83

Hi Harpy, all of the suggestions have been great. I asked a similar question here a few years ago because it is hard when you are older & have no dating experiences. My advice would be to find out what you would like to do & try to make your life happier for yourself. If you see a nice guy, ask him out. I did!

Preston, I don't think your advice was stupid. I thought about that at one stage, just to get the first godawful time over & done with! It's not illegal here! I didn't, but I wouldn't advise against it. Sex is this huge mystery until you've have it - & yes, of course it's great with someone you love, but sex can be just for you, too!! Sex doesn't equal love, but a healthy sex life can make you happier!

My two cents.

A very lonely life.

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