by Englishman 18 Replies latest jw friends
I agree this is a major difference between the sexes. Women tend to work out their solutions by talking about the problem. Men internalize the problem and talk about solutions. Many times women just want a listening ear.
That said, I think all of us have the tendency to want to offer solutions and "you shoulds" when someone shares a problem with us. We'd all benefit by pausing, listening and offering help .... "what can I do", " do you want my opinion or idea " ... as opposed to just assuming.
Yup... I already figured that out! All ya gotta do I listen and give her a hug...
(This is also a guaranteed "fun" night)
Else:
No so much fun as a "fight, pause, apologise, hug" night
" do you want my opinion or idea "
Bisous,
Wise words. This I was told a few years ago (verbatim, I kid you not), and am biting tongue first, then saying the words above ... w/ practice, it's beginning to come more naturally.
t
She says that when she tells me about something that has gone wrong with her life, she isn't looking for me to necessarily find a solution. She just wants to tell me about it. She says that men always try to find solutions to everything, then they get pissy if they can't find a solution, or even pissier if the lady won't accept the solution being offered. She says women just want to tell, they're not asking for men to DO SOMETHING.
So very true.
Now comes the rub:
I am a problem solver and a fixer. I spent many years in customer support, computer tech support, etc. Kevan is a civil engineer with the water bureau maintenance department. Another problem solver and a fixer. We've had more than one battle over this. Finally we've begun to learn to ask, or explain that all "I" want to do is vent.
On saturday, I was in tears, because I had put a lb on in weight instead of a pound off, after half staving myself all week. But what really got me all worked up was my husband asking me, had I been to the gym that week? what had I REALLY eaten? Shut the f... up .
He got all defensive when I explained "nicely" that I wasnt asking for advice thankyou but a little sympathy. ---------wheres the phone I need to talk to a girl !!!!!!!!
ewww.... grunt and you get the evil eye, offer advice you get the cold shoulder, empathize and you sleep with rover. Can't wind guys!
carmel of the "still married after 41 yrs" class
you should read the book 'Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps', there is a whole chapter devoted to this topic.
It so true.....we dont want you to solve our problems we just want to know that we can tell them to you without you taking ova and trying to find a solution men are from mars woman are from venus heheh es
