Seeker4

It seems you and I have some similarities. I will be married 33 years come this November. I have also been out for a decade....and my wife is still a dub. We're it not for the fact that she has accepted me as I am (which ain't all that bad) we too would not have made it. Neither one of us bugs each other about each others life.

I'm sorry that you two couldn't make it.....33 years is a big part of your life........but as others have said, 'life goes on'.

Hugs,

Gumby

tijkmo

gordy....in the uk in your position you san get divorced on the grounds of living seperately for 5 years.

if you have been seperated for 2 years and both parties agree and there are no children and no financial arrangements then you can get divorced then

but if 1 partner does not agree then you must wait 5 years so long as there has not been any attempt at reconciliation for more than 6 months.(up to 6 months you can add the ammount to the 2 or 5 years..over 6 months you have to start afresh)

if you get divorced, your wife would still not be free scripturally (according to jw) to remarry unless you remarried or gave her adulterous grounds

if you are still providing for her financially or there are children to be provided for then this becomes more complicated and would have to be settled in court

of course you would probably have a case in that you would not be expected to provide for people who wont even talk to you far less have a normal family relationship

thats what you could do

sup to you whether you should

forgot this was seeker4's thread...sorry for you man.. hope you get to come to terms with it sooner than later and you still enjoy your life

outnfree

((((Seeker4))))

I was divorced this past week, too, after 26 years of marriage. It's an emotional roller coaster, but I'm fully committed to making these last years of my life count spending them in ways to make myself happy and the world a better place. Perhaps you could envision what a truly happy life would look like for you and then go for it? Good luck!

outnfree

devinsmom

Sorry to hear about your divorce seeker, I am also newly divorced, got out after only two years though and a baby. I couldnt imagine after so many years. Divorce is never easy but everyone gets through it eventually, hopefully you have a good support system, if not maybe you can join a support group...good luck, April

Balsam

I noticed that nearly everyone felt that divorce is a bad thing. I beg to differ. Divorce from a marriage that wasn't working is wonderful, liberating. The marriage served its purpose and was not a failure while it worked. I think we take a negative view too often of divorce when it can be a positive thing that allows people to move on to more positive relationships. I think it is a time of celebration, life renewal. After my divorce from my 1st husband of 30 years, I married my fiance who breathed new life into me. Now 2 1/2 years later I could not be happier. In fact this is a far happier marriage than I had with my 1st husband whom I was married to for so many years.

Congratulations on your divorce, hope you fine new sparks of life coming for you.

devinsmom

Balsam said:

I noticed that nearly everyone felt that divorce is a bad thing. I beg to differ. Divorce from a marriage that wasn't working is wonderful, liberating. The marriage served its purpose and was not a failure while it worked.

Thats nice that you have such a positive outlook about this subject but maybe thats because you found a better relationship, and for me anyway I feel like when I got married it was for good and it was completly crushing to find out that the person you are in love with turns out to be a rotten individual and not who you thought you knew at all. I'm sure that when I do find someone else that Im happy and in love with that I will feel better but it will never completly correct the pain, devestation and complete loss that has occured in my life. So speak for yourself but being 24 years old with a baby, divorced from a man who is a deadbeat dad and has never been there for my son is not a "wonderfull, liberating" experience. I find it very insensative to discount a persons own experience and project how you think it should feel or has felt on to them. Any way, thats just my 2 cents, I'll get off my soapbox now...peace-April

Thanks for the comments. I'm doing OK, but there is still a huge amount of sadness in all of this.

My wife did stick with the organization, but didn't choose it over me, as it were. I got involved with another woman, and that led to the seperation and divorce. My wife was a great friend, but I think my passion for her died years ago. Maybe passion leaves relationships over the long term, though it's great to be in a really passionate relationship once again. But the guilt that comes with ending a marriage - and how it affects and often hurs so many others, kids, parents, grandkids - is hard as hell to deal with.

One interesting thing is that I have three children, a daughter and two sons. My daughter is still a JW, and she has not talked with me, nor let me see her two children, since the day I left my wife 8 months ago. My two non-Witness sons have dealt with this much better, and have been willing to move on. Now, my daughter and ex-wife are the best of friends, but I wonder how much it is that, or that she has the JW-think mentality of shunning as punishment - that has made her react the way she has. Her husband still stays in touch with me, but he's afraid to rock the boat and let me see the grandkids. That's the hardest part of all.

Gordy and Gumby - you sound like you've dealt with many of the same issues.Thanks for your input.

S4

Balsam

Devinsmom,

Would you prefer your bad husband back???? I had a bad husband too in my first marriage he let our son die without allowing him to have a blood transfusion that might have saved his life. He as a JW cheated on me numerous times, and was abusive verbally and occasionally physically so. Yes I had high hopes when I married him but even the religion of the JW never really helped change him. Never should we accept bad behavior of a spouse, because it only sets us up to be abused. I'm sorry you've suffered. But the alternative is stay in a bad marriage and continue to be unappreciated and used. That does not seem like a practical choice either. Single women with children suffer the worst because some men fail to support them. I had 1 minor son when I got out of the marriage, and the divorce he didn't want but I did. I was tired of living in misery. Yes marriages go bad, and our dreams are shattered. But should we be craving the terrible person back or hope to find a person who really loves and cares about us sincerely instead of superficially. You sound like your mourning the end of the hoped for happiness in the marriage you had, rather than wanting the actual loser husband back that you had. Am I understanding your expressions? I am sorry you found my comments in a negative light, I did not mean them so. I was trying to find the positive in the end of a bad situation.

I hope someday you will find the love of your life and a good man who will be good to you and your child. Then you will appreciate the benefit of having that bad husband out of your life. Your a young woman and will probably find someone. I was 50 years old when I left, I expected to spend the remainder of my life alone. There is nothing better than finding a good partner, and I hope one day when you do you will understand what I was saying.

Sincerely,

Balsam

Seeker 4,

Having any of our children turn against us is the tough part of a marriage ending. I hope your daughter comes around. I know it is heart breaking to have your grandchildren withheld from you. This happens so often.

I found it took about 2 years for my boys to fully understand why the marriage of their Mom & Dad ended. By the way they have come to love their Step-Dad, which is more than I could have hoped for. He is utterly good to them, unlike their JW Dad.

Hope life will bring some wonderful joys your way in time. There is always a time of mourning when a long term relationship ends because love just wasn't strong enough.

Best of wishes,

Balsam

Seeker4 - divorce final today

prophecor

gumby

tijkmo

outnfree

devinsmom

Balsam

devinsmom

Seeker4

Balsam

Balsam

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