Last day I'm taking Dad to the KH - any suggestions

by Bonnie_Clyde 15 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  Bonnie_Clyde

  I have a long, long story to tell. It could fill several pages. Right now I'm going to say that I've had it! It looks like I'm being disinherited because I am fading. My loyal JW daughter has taken over as caregiver and doesn't want to give any reports on his finances. I just learned that my father gave her his home and sold his rental property for less than 1/2 of the assessed value to my daughter's inlaws without informing any of the rest of the family, including her uncle, brothers, or cousins. She acts like what she did was perfectly OK, and that I shouldn't be upset. (This is a whole different subject and will get into it more at another time). I found out last week that the problem seemed to stem from a very short remark I made last year after my daughter and son-in-law returned from a district convention and my son-in-law made a comment about how foolish it was that brothers actually sold their homes thinking that Armageddon would come in 1975. I also made a remark about Sodom and Gomorrah and voting. I could tell at the time it didn't set well and I never said anything again. My son-in-law made the comment at the end of our discussion, "Well there is a faithful and discreet slave." I simply nodded my head

  However, my Dad seems glad to see my when I go to the assisted living facility to visit him. I'm trying to think of what I can do to keep from alienating him completely. I can't stand sitting for two hours at the KH any more, and came up with the idea of studying with him or him with me for 15 minutes a week. That would be so much easier--or would it? Or I could just limit it to considering the daily text. Would it make sense to use the Require brochure or any other booklet? His eye sight isn't real good, so I could just offer to read to him straight from some publication. When do we start the Daniel's Prophecy book? I don't intend to explain to him why I'm stopping taking him, other than that I am soooo busy with having to work so many hours to make ends meet, which is true.
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  blondie

  B/C, I don't know what your relationship was to the JW family before your doubts and stating some of them. Sometimes these undercurrents were always there but now that you are labeled weak or a danger, they give themselves permission to let the unchristian aspects out more.

  Don't worry about being disinherited financially. It is your father's and he can give it to whomever he wants for even the wrong reasons. It sounds like he has appointed your daughter as his legal representative. If you think she is ripping him off, then you and the family would have to look into that legally. But more importantly don't let yourself be shoved out of your father's life by anyone but your father. Persist in seeing him even if you don't take him to the meetings. Is he independent or does sometone else have legal guardianship over him? If someone else is calling the shots, this can be difficult. Why not read the Bible, the NWT. Select parts you know he enjoys and would be an encouragement or do the assignment that week for the Bible reading. Discuss aspects of the people in the selection, look up the history or geography, paint a word picture for him. Make an application to today's world, what can we learn from it.

  I have a feeling that they might be doing the Keep on the Watch brochure before that. I would avoid using a publication.

  Don't let money be an issue unless you think he is being robbed; then see a lawyer.

  Love, Blondie
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  outnfree

  B_C:

  Why aren't you speaking to your father directly about what your daughter did regarding the sale of his rental property and the gift of his home to her? Are your brother, sons, and nieces/nephews all Jehovah's Witnesses? What does your brother say? Do these sales impact on how the family (including you) is able to take care of your father?

  I don't know how you explain that you're stopping meeting attendance without it upsetting him in some way. Perhaps the offer to help him prepare for the book study, since you can't attend, would be helpful. It would take more than 15 minutes a week, though.

  Tough situation... I assume he would shun you completely were you to tell him of your doubts?

  outnfree
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  garybuss

  
  I don't think I'd disinherit one of my sons for making a remark. I'd have to if they shunned me, even fractionally.

  It sounds like you are being honest with him about your opinion of the Witness group. Maybe you could ask him what he'd like from you now.
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  Bonnie_Clyde

  I don't have time to answer much of this except I did ask my father about the sale and reminded him about all the years that I helped him with my mother who had Alzheimer's. Last week I asked him if I didn't deserve reports and he said, "Yes." Then my daughter went in and had him sign paperwork stating that he didn't need reports.

  I was a JW for 40 years and only started fading quietly six years ago. I never questioned his authority or the FDS, but it's now being reported that I was critical. Up until then we had a great relationship. My brother is a JW (pedophile) and one niece. My sons are fading (quietly).
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  Country Girl

  Simply state that you are currently unable to go to the meetings because of pressing affairs that you'd rather not get into, but that if he'd like, you will be happy to spend 1/2 hour reading to him from the publication of his choice, or straight from the Bible if he chooses. This will show that you aren't abandoning him and will confirm your love for him. About the daughter, I don't know... seems to me *she* is the one that should be taking him to the meetings since she has taken the liberty of taking care of all his major financial affairs. But, like Blondie says, it is his right to sell, give, or trade his personal assets without an accounting to anyone if he so chooses.

  I would just concentrate on making sure that the tenuous ties that you currently have with him are maintained and not aggravated. Good luck!

  CG
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  upside/down

  Sadly, sometimes that's the price of being honest with your comments. Remember JC said crap like this would happen.... the "truth" is sharper than any two edged sword...

  You spoke the "truth.... an sword-play can be very messy.

  u/d (of the runs with scissors class)
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  Carmel

  When I left the borg, I was sumarily removed from the "inheritance" of the family. Not to worry, I didn't inherit the tendency to abuse my daughters, didn't inherit the tendency to lie and steal or cheat on my taxes, didn't inherit the proclevity to condem all those that beleived differently than I and finaly was written out of my parents will when they bit the dust. My mother's will gave me $1 supposedly to prevent me from attempting to break the will legally, Guess what, not everyone is only interested in the materialism the dubbies are so wedded to!

  Forget the dam inheritance and go forth and conquer!

  carmel

  ps never got the buck even
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  Bonnie_Clyde

  Thank you Carmel. That is exactly what my husband said, forget the inheritance and go on with my life. The assisted care facility that my daughter put him in is in the territory that we live in, and she expects that I take him to meetings. However, let me add that Dad is age 92, very easily influenced, and forgetful sometimes. I could probably fight it in court on the grounds of undue inflluence. But I don't want to take my own daughter to court so my only recourse is to get over it. It is hard, though, as I am nearing retirement age and will probably have to keep working a long time now.

  My father told me that my daughter believed my husband and I had helped one of her brothers financially when he bought his home. She couldn't believe that he had done so well on his own, and she was ticked that we hadn't helped her out when she was getting a divorce. The truth is we never helped her brother, he made it on his own by being smart which she had not done and now she is trying to catch up. Her husband also insinuated to my father that when I was POA that it looked like I may have used some of Dad's funds to help my husband buy a new truck which he wondered how we could afford since my husband is disabled. I told my Dad that couldn't be further from the truth. My father did admit to me that he might have made a mistake but doesn't want to do anything about it now.

  Dad only goes to the meeting on Sunday because he is very lame, and can't walk, only transfer. He doesn't even expect to go to the other meetings. This morning when I picked him up, he didn't remember what day it was. Guess I could have gotten out of it, but for some reason took him anyway. I might take him to some more meetings, but not every week. I would much rather visit him daily and read to him.
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  Bonnie_Clyde

  Thank you Carmel. That is exactly what my husband said, forget the inheritance and go on with my life. The assisted care facility that my daughter put him in is in the territory that we live in, and she expects that I take him to meetings. However, let me add that Dad is age 92, very easily influenced, and forgetful sometimes. I could probably fight it in court on the grounds of undue inflluence. But I don't want to take my own daughter to court so my only recourse is to get over it. It is hard, though, as I am nearing retirement age and will probably have to keep working a long time now.

  My father told me that my daughter believed my husband and I had helped one of her brothers financially when he bought his home. She couldn't believe that he had done so well on his own, and she was ticked that we hadn't helped her out when she was getting a divorce. The truth is we never helped her brother, he made it on his own by being smart which she had not done and now she is trying to catch up. Her husband also insinuated to my father that when I was POA that it looked like I may have used some of Dad's funds to help my husband buy a new truck which he wondered how we could afford since my husband is disabled. I told my Dad that couldn't be further from the truth. My father did admit to me that he might have made a mistake but doesn't want to do anything about it now.

  Dad only goes to the meeting on Sunday because he is very lame, and can't walk, only transfer. He doesn't even expect to go to the other meetings. This morning when I picked him up, he didn't remember what day it was. Guess I could have gotten out of it, but for some reason took him anyway. I might take him to some more meetings, but not every week. I would much rather visit him daily and read to him.