Questions about disfellowshipping

Gwen

I stumbled upon this site by accident and spent the past several days just reading through the forums. I must say, I'm both horrified and fascinated at what I've read so far. Although several members of my family are JW's, I have never known much about the religion and quite honestly, have never really gotten to know these family members well. I always believed it was because they live very far away from us, but the more I read, the more I think it was more due to them not being allowed to associate with the non-JW family members. Anyway, I have tons of questions, but I'll start here. Many people on this site have mentioned being disfellowshipped. It almost seems as though it is not an uncommon thing to happen- what I want to know is how frequently does an average JW get disfellowshipped? Is it common to be DF'd several times over the course of, say, 10 years, or is it usually just once or twice (assuming the DF'd person comes back)? How severe a punishment is disfellowshipping? What actually happens when you are DF'd? Is the cause of the DF really announced to the whole congregation? Can you be shunned if you are not DF'd? How long does one have to stay away?

cruzanheart

Welcome, Gwen! The average Jehovah's Witness doesn't EVER get disfellowshipped -- that's a punishment that all of them try to avoid at all costs. If someone "commits a sin and is unrepentant" (i.e., doesn't grovel when the elders haul him before a committee of three), then that person is disfellowshipped, or shunned by all Jehovah's Witnesses, for a period of time. Usually that's at least a year and during that year the elders will make the disfellowshipped one grovel and subscribe to stupid rules like "you have to sit in the back of the Hall"; "you can't come in until after the song has started"; "you have to leave before the last Amen." The bad thing is, the disfellowshipped one is not supposed to associate with non-Jehovah's Witnesses or he/she is considered "worldly" and "unrepentant" and they CAN'T associate with practicing Jehovah's Witnesses or they'll be disfellowshipped too, so they can become quite lonely and depressed. It's a no-win situation.

Hope that helped!

Nina

love11

Hi Gwen- Welcome!

So many questions and so little time! I'll try to do my best and what I don't cover I'm sure the rest will provide the answers.

People get disfellowshipped for alot of reasons. Mostly for fornication or adultery. Although, you would be suprised about the crazy reasons others are disfellowshipped. If the elders don't like you, they will make sure to find something to disfellowship you over. That is an unsaid truth that most jw's would deny, but it's true. They say in their rule books that they will only disfellowship unrepentant people- (buzzer sound) WRONG!

When you are disfellowshipped, your friends and family are no longer allowed to talk to you. If they try and talk to you, they risk being disfellowshipped themselves. Three elders usually meet with you at the kingdom hall when no one else is there and talk to you about your "problem". (Real or imagined) They tell you to go wait out in the lobby while they think about your fate. It's called a judical meeting, and it is very much like being tried in court. Then they tell you the verdict- you're disfellowshipped! Then they read your name after a meeting (like Thurs. night meeting) they tell everyone that you have been df and you hear a gasp then everyone treats you like you are evil and worse then a serial killer. Even your own mom and dad. It's like a death because of how cruel they treat you, you'll never be able to fully trust those people ever again.

If you are reinstated (allowed back in) it's after months or years of going to every meeting and constantly asking the elders to let you back in. (similar to begging) Then everyone acts like they are so happy to be able to talk to you again. But it's not the same after that.

Alot of people try to go back just to have their parents and sibilings around again. But they have to live a phony life. If you're conscience won't let you live a lie, then you will leave the witnesses for good and not have anyone. Not one person from your childhood, not one family member, not one friend. It's a very cruel act for just touching someone's ding-dong.

Anyways, hope that helps!

(sorry I'm in an ornery, crabby mood)

GetBusyLiving

Hi, welcome to the board. Just a related comment - if a person decides to formally leave the JW's (disassociation) they are shunned by family and friends as well. A disassociated person is even considered worse than a difellowshipped one because they have purposely rejected the sect. So the religion is effectively set up so that it is virtually impossible to leave and not be shunned unless a person goes into hiding (and they are still usually shunned by most JW's for not attending). Hope this helps clarify.

GBL

Gwen

Thank you both for answering my questions so quickly and so openly. Wow, I am amazed. That is really horrible that you are basically ostracized by everyone based on what 3 guys decide! That is psychological torture. Like a child being bullied at school but a million times worse. I find it so hard to believe that a mother could actually shun her child for a year or more. What happens if the DF'd one is still a minor and lives with his/her parents? I only started wondering so much about JWs after recently attending a family member's funeral at a Kingdom Hall. It was an odd experience for me. As mentioned on this site, I felt as though the ceremony was a JW advertisement for the non-JW faction there (a total of 4 of us). I felt as though everyone in the congregation knew everything about me although I had never met or even heard of them. I spent a few days with my family among their JW friends, and I was surprised at the amount of gossip that takes place, and the amount of threat-laden comments that thrown around between them. After all I've read, I keep wondering if the JW members of my family, particularly the younger ones, also live in fear of doing something wrong or being shunned like many here have described. When we see each other, we never discuss religion, and I always wonder whether they dread going to meetings, or going door to door (not sure if they even do this, is it mandatory?), or feel that they have missed out on something.

Gwen

Thank you GBL for your reply as well. It makes me wonder how people end up joining the JWs in the first place. Yes, I can understand that being born into it is one thing, but what is the convincing argument that draws people in voluntarily?

garybuss

The disfellowshipping order is written by the court and the directions to begin shunning the victim is announced to the sales staff at the weekly sales meeting. Only recognized sales staff can be shunned by a disfellowshipping order but associates of recognized sales staff are expected to shun the victim also. The crime is announced to the staff informally by way of interpersonal networking.

wanderlustguy

mother could actually shun her child for a year or more

There are many here who wish it was only that long...

BTW, many of us have Bios in our profiles if you want to go through those, also the best of section has a lot of info...

Have fun...try not to get too mad...they know not what they do, some of them.

Gwen

Wow, all your answers are triggering even more questions....

I really can't believe this... have any of you actually known a parent to be disfellowshipped for speaking to their disfellowshipped child?

Is it possible to appeal to the elders?

How does one become an elder? How does one become an "overseer" (this term is so odd to me, makes me think of American slavery terminology)

If you are constantly worried about your friends and family telling on you for any little thing you do, is it possible to really feel a true friendship bond within the JW society?

AlmostAtheist

Welcome!

Another amazing point is that they brag about this practice, that it keeps their congregation "clean". You can read about it on their official web site: http://www.watchtower.org/library/w/1988/4/15/article_01.htm

Dave (DF'd and LOVING it!)

Questions about disfellowshipping

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