Can I date a JW

Mello Yellow

This is troubling me. I started dating a girl and the relationship lasted for a little while. She then broke things off claiming she was in violation of her beliefs, the JW this and that, and how she'd "lose everything" if she was caught dating me. Not her exact words, but more or less. She's JW, I'm not. She told me on day #1 that she was JW and while it sparked some curiosity, it didn't register in my head as I'm not a religious person. Nothing personal, I just haven't had much interest in religion, any religion for that matter, in my life.

I have heard that "outsiders" can bring in (to a JW) bad habits and teach bad morals, but she's 27 years old.. in my opinion, old enough to make her own choices and decisions. Same reason I stay away from drugs, crime, drinking etc. Likewise I've NEVER questioned her religion or encouraged practices that go against her religion. ie. Getting drunk, premarital sex, gambling etc. I have expressed interest in learning about JW and I even "study" it when I have time to get a better understanding of her life. Not necessarily joining it, but just trying to get a better understanding. It's her life and I felt the need to understand it better.

So how strict is it within the JWs? Is it really automatic disfellowship if one is caught dating a non-JW; whether it's hanging out at a Pizza joint or on a romantic date? Where is the line drawn, as it's nearly impossible for a JW to avoid interaction with a non-JW on a daily basis.

Dustin

I was through this situation earlier in my life. I was the Jehovah's Witness though. Trust me they will make her life a living hell. They usually do what's called "marking" which is where the people talk to you at the Kingdom Hall, yet completely ignore you otherwise. It really hurt.

If you are really serious it is worth pursuing. If you are really commited to helping this girl, help her break free from the mind contolling cult known as the Jehovah's Witnesses. It had better be worth it to you. It's a big mess coming up if you pursue it. Take it from me I would know.

under74

Welcome to the forum.

It's tough Mellow. Yeah, she's old enough but at the same time she's under a lot of pressure not to associate with people outside the religion unless there's hope of converting them. If her family is in the religion and majority of her friends are in the religion than yes she could lose everything. This is a high controlled group. If elders from her congregation tell her not to associate with you (if they find out) and she does (or even is thought to have) than she could face disfellowshipping which means that people will cut her off.

I wish I could give you some advice other than sticking around the forum. There are others here in situations like yours and they may have some advice for you.

Dustin

Hey I also wanted to say welcome to the forum. Hopefully you guys can work it out. I went through this situation in my early 20's. The elders at the Kingdom Hall even if they seem nice to your face are really arrogant jerks. You would be best to remember they are not on your side. If you ever need to talk more you can always send me a PM message on this forum. It worked out for me in the end, and now I'm married to a great girl, and I am no longer part of their mind control. There is always hope.

bebu

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/32/77159/1.ashx

Mello, here's a thread for you. A lot of folks come with questions and situations like yours. You will be able to read here what kind of things you're up against...

And, btw, WELCOME to the board! Good for you for joining up to ask about this situation!

bebu

Mello Yellow

Thanks for all the replies! Quick replies at that. What boggles my mind is that she has all these "friends" that will be cut off, yet I haven't ever seen her with one of her "friends" (JWs) except at the meetings. Well, I haven't seen her at meetings (obviously), just heard all about them. Her family (mom and brother), which she spends A LOT of time with, has been disfellowshipped. Her dad isn't a JW. Likewise her co-workers aren't JW.

They claim their religion is the only true one, hence the reason they can only date other JWs. Correct? Well I don't have a religion.. she can have JW all she wants, as long as I can have my baseball games! She was great at drawing a line between her studies and our relationship. Seems reasonable to me..

It would be worth it for me to get into whatever mess is needed to make this possible.. Not quite sure if it's worth it to her, but one minute we were both on top of the world - talking on the phone, hanging out, having fun. 24 hours later it was a complete reversal. Last thing I'd ever want to do is call her brainwashed, but something got on her mind that made her stop. And without being too proud of myself, I'd like to think she felt bad/regret about the situation.

Currently we aren't even talking. I've been pretty much cut off, but I'm trying to decide if it's worth it to pursue this further. I don't know anything about religion and if I brought it up, she'd shut me down quick I'm sure. Thanks for the help!

EvilForce

Mello, how about I just give you a sharp kick in the dick and call it done ok?!? Please, Please, don't go down this path. Move on to someone else. You are setting yourself up for heartbreak and emotional blackmail / cruelty. Witnesses are NOT datable material unless they have been out for 3 to 5 years. It's just not meant to be. Sorry to douse water on your flame but I would rather lose my testes than try to do what you are attempting.

Mello Yellow

No offense taken.. trust me, the "smart" people in my life (good friends, mom etc) have told me not to even bother. I'm pretty easy to convince that just about anything is a good idea.. that's my fault I suppose. Reading stories of guys/girls who have left and lived happily ever after are common and maybe that's what's keeping me going. Thanks for advice, it's noted for the record. ;)

EvilForce

I've seen it time and time again Mellow. Think about it for a moment. If by dating you she loses all her friends and her family would you really want that firstly? And secondly do you think you might be handily disposed of whenever that "line must be crossed" as your relationship develops? Would you give up ALL your friends and ALL your family for a girl you might be interested in?

I have broken may of the "no no's" when it comes to dating, but I do not think I'd ever break my "Never date an active witness" rule, EVER!!!!

Sorry man :(

barry

I dated a JW girl for a while in my 20s. She was very strict about her being right and me being mistaken as Im an SDA. I would go to the Kingdom Hall with her but she wouldnt go to services at the SDA church not even once. She did come with me to church functions at the SDAs and liked them. Her grandfather is of the annointed and is probably in heaven now, but most of her family is very devout. Barry

Can I date a JW

Share this