Good points. Maybe I just don't get how all these friends are really "friends", when she never sees them outside of meetings and JW related stuff. Her family isn't JW anymore.. I've met her parents and am friends with her brother (that's how I met her). They really don't care at all about JW.
Can I date a JW
by Mello Yellow 21 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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Glofishy
In my situation, my hubby wasn't baptized when we met and fell in love. He still isn't, and frankly, I KNOW he enjoys the differences between his upbringing and what I bring into our relationship since we come from two totally different backgrounds. However, if he was already baptized when I met him, there would have been extraordinary pressure on him to dump the relationship and marry another baptized JW instead of me...unless I folded and became baptized myself first. I did the study route...and as I got more educated in the beliefs, it solidified the fact that I will never become a full fledged member of the organization. I know he is quite frankly relieved that he didn't marry a woman that followed all the beliefs, because he would have never known what it is to receive certain "intimate favors"...and I'm NOT going into details about that, lol.
As a practical matter, if this girl is so willing to dump the relationship with you, she's not worth your time bro. You sound like a great catch, and you should seek out a nice lady that will compliment your life, not complicate it. I guarantee, you will not regret this decision. If this lady comes to the realization that she is totally in love with you and cannot live without you, she'll put up with the crap that will be dealt to her for a time...because eventually, they view marriage as being sacred and there isn't a damn thing the elders or anyone else can do about it once you've exchanged your vows. Unlike Catholics, she is considered married in the eyes of the "church", no matter where the marriage takes place. If you do wind up getting hitched and go to meetings with her, be prepared to hear the same stuff over and over again like a broken record...especially at the Memorial.
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delilah
Welcome Mello, I just have a question......if she is so worried about getting into touble with you, why is she hanging out with her disfellowshipped mother and brother? In my town, that is a big no-no also. She'd definitely be getting a "shepherding" call for that one. And she'd be marked. if not eventually DF'd for it..trust everyone here, unless she is REALLY worth persuing, and the trouble and bull#$%$ that will come with her, leave it alone....plenty of fish in the sea...i don't mean to sound harsh, but have been there, and it's pretty rocky. Think about it very carefully.
Dee
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kls
Reading stories of guys/girls who have left and lived happily ever after are common and maybe that's what's keeping me going. Thanks for advice, it's noted for the record. ;)
Welcome to the forum Mello ,where have you read these stories, and if they are true they are few and far between.
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Mello Yellow
"if she is so worried about getting into touble with you, why is she hanging out with her disfellowshipped mother and brother? In my town, that is a big no-no also. She'd definitely be getting a "shepherding" call for that one. And she'd be marked."
Good question, I was wondering that myself. Her mom has some serious health issues, so perhaps that's her excuse, or how she rationalizes it. That or she knows there's not as much risk hanging out at home with mom, versus being "caught" in public making out at the movie theater with me.
Thanks for all the replies. I see a common theme here, now it's just a matter of me getting over her!
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jgnat
Mello, a lot of JW's are emotionally immature because they are regularly told that their own instincts are not to be trusted. Yes, the so-called friends at the Kingdom Hall are pathetic. Yet, again, she is regularly told that these people are superior association than her own mother and brother. Based on her actions, I would say she is still firmly entrenched in the cult mindset, which means she is denying what she can see with her own eyes. Who genuinely cares for her?
If you want to find out if your girlfriend has a backbone, go to the Kingdom Hall with her.
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LouBelle
Howzit Mellow - I'm new here too man. I've recently left the faith.
You see if she's still living at home - then yes she can associate with her family for obvious reasons. Perhaps you haven't seen her friends because she wouldn't hang out with you and them at the same time 'cos then she'd have explaining to do to them telling them you were "wordly". That in turn would either cause them to try in earnest for her to forget about you, label her as spiritually weak, go to the elders or stop associating with her.
You see you as an unbliever would mean that she has unevenly "yoked' herself. Another scripture that pops in mind is "don't you know that bad associations lead to bad habits". The reason she doesn't want to carry on dating you is that she feels she is doing something bad, she feels guilty and now she needs to make herself spiritually strong again so that she doesn't fall into temptation again.
Mellow I ask you to think long term here. Say you guys do carry on going out and it lead to marriage - first up there you'd have to be married at a court or some non religious place, have a judge or non denomination guy marry you (she'll be disappointed not to get married in the kingdom hall & not by an elder) Then there's all the holidays you cannot share - christmas, thanks giving, 4th of july. No celebrating of brithdays or even celebrating valintines day no matter how much you try convince her it's not pagan. Then if you have kids, she'd want to raise them as witnesses so that she is not blood guilty, no birthday celebrations.......
Think very seriously if this is the life that you would want. A suggestion is to perhaps get her out of the organisation is to ask her about it's history. Then on certain things like their failed prophesies zone in and try and break her trust in the organisation...that is the most important, cos you can never get them to let go of doctrine - but break the trust in the society itself and you'll be on a better road.
shew....
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M.J.
Did the same thing. Now we're married. Not adviseable if you want to save yourself years of stress and heartache, not to mention the fact that she will be under total pressure to raise your kids as indoctrinated robots. Quite a dilemma.
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Mello Yellow
Now I wish more than anything we were still talking. Before and during our relationship I didn't have the slightest interest in JW beliefs or what went on; as I said she kept it pretty much to herself (until "the day"), so I never bothered to look into it. The last thing I'd ever do was join the JWs, but now that I have a basic understanding of some of their beliefs, I'd love to call her up and talk about it at least.. might be kinda fun as she's pretty open minded, usually. Maybe I'll give her a few weeks to chill out, then call her up "as friends". The past two weeks have been really bad.. I haven't been this depressed since I was in high school. Thanks to some research and reading on here I feel a lot better, so maybe once I lose the emotional attachment, we can talk as friends.
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diamondblue1974
Glad you are feeling a bit better...hope you manage to get through to her at some point...
DB74