by stillajwexelder 59 Replies latest jw friends
steve,
I don't know why but I will answer your question. You are right .. I said I wouldn't come back here. We all have trying times in our lives and don't know where to turn for help. I'm having one of those times right now. You can see by my first post here today, I lashed out. Now I feel terrible that I did and appologize.
AFIN, we'll help you in your time of need.
afin,
Well this post is a good place to start. And hello again.
If you're in a topsy turvy place, then try posting about it, you may be supprised.
steve
Stilla, you're going through the final stages of realization that the JWs are a destructive, mind-numbing cult. Every one of the ex-JWs I've met is going or has gone through a similar stage.
I was mostly inactive as a JW from 1979 onwards, except for a short stint in the early 1980s when I gave it a last try. During all that time, I hated the meetings and hated being at the Kingdom Hall. By the 1990s, on the few occasions my JW wife cajoled me into going, I usually became sick to my stomach at the nonsense being spewed out as "God's truth". Not only is there little intellectual stimulation at JW meetings, but the foolishness actually has the reverse effect -- tending to shut down the mind to anything outside the Watchtower sphere, and causing it to turn in on itself and feed on the same old recycled claptrap until the cult member dies, or better, quits.
AFIN, it should be obvious to you that when, in your time of need, you turn to posting on a rabidly anti-JW discussion board rather than turning to your supposedly loving JW brothers, you've already got everything out the door except one little toe. Let go! I guarantee that you'll be much better off. The taste of freedom is a wonderful thing that, once experienced, cannot be forgotten.
AlanF
Ah, but "freedom" is not a desirable thing to want in Watchtower world. It's "worldly", from Satan. AFIN make sure what you've been indoctrinated in clicks in.
AlanF .. You are right. I'm posting here and really should be talking to fellow believers. The fact is .. I can come here anonymously, and get a lot off my chest. Hopefully in a few hours I'll be back to my old self again and be but a bad memory here.
I experienced the taste of freedom you speak of. It was not wonderful but will never be forgotten. I was out for many years so have seen and experienced both sides of this coin. I prefer where I am .. even though you see my weak sides.
<steps back into her old Counselor shoes to post in this thread>
Feelings are never right or wrong. They are simply a culmination of zillions of past experiences, biology, and personality. How could an emotion be wrong? (It's behavior that can be right or wrong, not feelings behind the behavior.)
Only mind control cults and toxic relationships try to put moral judgements on emotional states.
The problem for you, AFIN -- I'm not telling you anything you don't already know on a gut level -- is that you realize you're never going to get the emotional support you need from your fellow JWs. Why else are you posting on this board?
: The fact is .. I can come here anonymously, and get a lot off my chest.
Right, and you can't do that with your fellow JWs, because they will judge you and condemn you.
: Hopefully in a few hours I'll be back to my old self again and be but a bad memory here.
I think not. You can run, but you can't hide from your inner demons or from the knowledge that you have no real support from your fellow JWs, either from individuals acting supposedly as friends, or from the Watchtower organization itself.
: I experienced the taste of freedom you speak of. It was not wonderful but will never be forgotten.
I wasn't talking about the freedom to do raunchy things. I was talking about emotional and intellectual freedom. You have none of that as a JW. You know perfectly well that your entire being is hamstrung by the Watchtower cult.
Most ex-JWs don't do the sort of raunchy things that you obviously have in mind. Most of us live perfectly ordinary lives and still subscribe to the basics of Christian morality. But you already know that. That's why you really don't mind posting on this board.
: I was out for many years so have seen and experienced both sides of this coin. I prefer where I am .. even though you see my weak sides.
You're on the fence, whether you realize it or not. You know very well that diving headlong back into fullblown JW cult activities is unsatisfying and distasteful. But you still have a feeling that somehow -- beyond all intellectual and experiential proofs to the contrary -- the JW cult is somehow right, and somehow "God's organization".
I hope that one day you'll be able to put away these understandable but spiritually-infantile notions and become a full-fledge spiritual adult.
AlanF
AlanF .. you have misunderstood me. The taste of freedom I spoke of was to be away from the WTS, nothing raunchy ;) The freedom I meant was to come and go as I please and be accountable to no one. I slept in every weekend ... no meetings .. no service. Tuesday and Thursday evenings were mine to do with as I please. All my choices were mine and no thought as to whether the WTS would agree or not.
The way I see it now is ... that was false freedom because I was living outside of Jehovah's arrangement. As for my thoughts on ex Jws and what they find amusing to do in their spare time .. I figured most of them were here. Doesn't leave a lot of time to be too raunchy.
I hope you are wrong about me sitting on the fence. I'm not too sure of a lot of things anymore. Just hoping it's a bad day and will get back to normal tomorrow. Thanks for bothering ...
(((AFIN)))
GBL
