would you let your child associate with Jehovahs Witnesses?

by Ellie 66 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Abaddon

  For me the primary problem is the lack of reciprocal acceptence.

  They want you to accept that you are not 'good' enough to be associated with, but they see your child as a potential convert and want you to allow them to associate with your kid, provided you are not there as you're not good enough to associate with.

  If you allow this you accept their valuation of you as right and valid, and we all know that it isn't true.

  If THEY decide that they cannot spend time with your child in your home, it is THEIR decison that stops them seeing the kids.

  You have no obligation to, in effect, let people spit on you in front of your child and then let your child be taken off by the same people who spit on you.

  This might be an extreme way to put it, but I really feel for your own self-respect and your kid's perception of your self-respect, you cannot allow this.

  Either they accept you and your kid together, or they can have neither.
• 

  doofdaddy

  I would let my 20 yr old male to have jw girlfriends.....
• 

  Ellie

  Hi Flower,

  I think you are making a very good point and this is something I am struggling with.

  I feel hurt and quite angry towards them because they are disowning me, but I don't want to let my own feelings get in the way and influence my decision on whether my daughter should see her family, I might have issues with the way they treat me but they are still her family and she deserves to have them in her life.

  However, I am going to take practically everybodys advice here and insist that I am present when they see her, that way I can stop the risk of them trying to teach her about their beliefs.

  I know that I can't predict the future and so I don't know if they would try to indoctrinate her or turn her against me but its better to be safe than sorry, also as there are always different congregation members around who I do not know I have to think about the posibility of abuse, I would not let her go into the home of a stranger and stay over night so while I am not accusing any of my family members or their friends of child abuse I have to asume it is a possibility and protect her.

  I have come to the decision that she can see them on my terms, and that is that either myself or my partner are present and that she recieves no bible studies.

  Thanks to everyone who has replied.
• 

  Mary

  However, today my mum asked me if she can take my 2 year old to visit the rest of the family, I'm not invited and wouldn't be welcome at any of their houses, so she would be taking my daughter alone.

  This is the epitome of IGNORANCE and it boggles my mind that any parent could cut off their own flesh and blood like this. So you're not good enough to associate with The Chosen Ones but they want to take your child to "meet" the rest of the family eh? Forget it. Although your daughter is only 2 right now, and pretty damn hard to convert to any religion at the present, don't think for one minute that your mother and the rest of the family aren't doing this with an agenda. Yes she's 2 now, but if she goes and continues these visits, unsupervised by you, then the love bombing and the slow indoctrination from My Book of Bible Stories would begin to affect your daughter's thinking and by the time she's 5 or 6, she could be coming to you saying "...I want to go to the Kingdumb Hall with grandma..."

  Or as GBL said: F*CK NO!! I'd also tell your mother than when she can treat YOU like a normal human being, then you'll consider letting her see her grandchild.

  Un-be-frigging-lievable!!
• 

  mrsjones5

  sorry if I am not invited neither is my minor very young child!

  nuff said .

  Josie
• 

  Country Girl

  No, you are not being selfish at all.

  Children have a right to be raised in a household where there is love, unity and caring. They do not need to be exposed to people who find their parents distasteful, as Witness families do to their family members who are disfellowshipped, inactive or disassociated. This will only confuse them and make them fearful. A threat to their parent is a threat to their security, and may cause extreme anxiety in a a child that is otherwise secure, content, and safe.

  Although she is only two years old, she will still receive the message that she is without her Mother, and she will be anxious because of that. The message she will receive from others in the group is that they KNOW her Mother, but that her Mother cannot be accepted in their group because of some perceived slight, and this will cause the child to feel somewhat anxious and insecure. The longer this goes on, the worse it may get as the child grows in awareness. The child will become aware, as time goes on, that Mommy is *bad* and will cause even more anxiety.

  For you and your child's peace of mind, I would tell your parents that if they can't associate with you, they can't associate with your child, as you both come in a package. A lot of times, Mothers can feel intimidated by their own Mothers, succombing to threats of alienation and guilt, their Mothers playing on fears they had as a child, no doubt from this same situation. Just remind your Mother that *you* are the parent, and what you say goes, and that for now, you'd feel better if they visited your child in your own home as you'd be more comfortable. That's all.

  Alot of times they will play on our need to supply an explanation. Remember, you owe NO ONE an explanation on how you raise your child. She is yours, and you say what goes.

  Good luck to you!

  CG
• 

  lonelysheep

  No f**king way!!!

  Family isn't family when they want to latch on to your kid but treat you like dirt. If you won't be respected, then why would you want your child in that environment? Don't let them make you feel guilty for demanding respect and teaching your child what you believe.
• 

  dh

  in my eyes, you have no choice but to say no. how can you even wonder if it's ok to let your kid mix with people who shun and look down on you? if you're not good enough for them, why is your child? utter bullshit
• 

  flower

  I think in our anger at how the JW's treat people who leave the cult we sometimes forget that, although their actions are the epitome of cruelness, they are brainwashed and truly believe that what they are doing is somehow for the good of the person they are shunning.

  Most of them, in my experience, do not shun and treat their family like they dont exist just to be mean and hateful. They just have been warped and no longer understand the concept of love.

  Even though we feel angry about the situation I think directing that anger at a brainwashed cult member who thinks they are doing what Gods requires of them instead of directing that anger towards its leadership is misguided.
• 

  cruzanheart

  Since Jehovah's Witnesses refuse to accept the truth that child abusers are tolerated and protected within their organization, I would never allow either of my children to associate with Witnesses unless I was there too or unless I knew them really well and knew what the day's agenda would be.

  Nina