I didn't used to like the science of human temperament too much; thought it was like putting people into little boxes. But the more I read and reflected, the more convinced I became that there's something to it. I now believe there's a LOT to it. It has helped me to realize that there may be many types of people in the world, but as it relates to thinking and behavior, there are basically four temperaments. They have been labeled Guardians, Artisans, Rationals and Idealists. Within these groups there are further variants of each temperament.
When it comes to mating, Guardians are looking for a Helpmate, Artisans are looking for a Playmate, Rationals a Mindmate, and Idealists a Soulmate. While it's true that anyone of a certain temperament CAN get along well with any of the others, it's also true that essentially we are looking for different things in a relationship.
I've always marveled at my Artisan friends who give sexual things primary importance in choosing a mate. I used to think they were joking, until one phone conversation I had with an old school friend. He'd called me for advice on which of the two women I thought he should marry. One was Teresa, the mother of his two children--and an unbelievable knockout. The other was Jill, a new acquaintance--and an unbelievable knockout. I thought the choice was obvious, but decided to let him go on at length about the pros and cons of each woman. Here's how it went...
"Okay, so Jill's tits are totally perfect. The most fantastic set of tits I've ever seen. Teresa's are of course great too, but they kinda go east and west, y'know?"
I kept waiting for him to laugh and tell me that this wasn't REALLY a serious bit of criterion, but the laugh never came. He was completely serious. I tried to explain to him how Teresa was the mother of his two children, and how possibly could he decide to go with the other girl based on a tit comparison? Anyway, he married Teresa.
I don't know if it was my having been raised a JW--or just having been raised in my particular family--but in my case, I think physical attractiveness was very much downplayed throughout my upbringing. It has taken many years for me to be able to say, "Look, other things are more important, yes, but, c'mon, I DO have to be physically attracted to a woman before I should consider marrying her."
I am very much in touch with all of those things about a woman that turn me on--which have little to do with her frozen appearance. Right now, I have about five women that I see from time to time. One is a complete Artisan, about five years older than I (i'm 39,) and with a background as a singer/dancer. Most men do not find her facially attractive, but (to me) there is something very attractive about her. Like George Harrison put it, "Something in the Way She Moves." Every little movement, gesture, flip of the hair, shuffle of the feet is done with a perfect understanding of what it means and how it affects others who see it. When I watch her sing Karaoke, I think she is incredibly beautiful--not only when she's singing, but when she interacts so freely with people throughout the bar.
This isn't unlike the woman I had a wild, torrid affair with a year or so ago. (This is the little spitfire that, unwittingly, helped me begin to see the need to give the WTS an objective investigation.) She was sex personified. The sex was off the chart, beyond anything I'd ever experienced. She was the most amazing person to be on the town with. I was undoubtedly "in love" with her. The way she would move her fingers turned me on. Her mouth, eyes, legs, body moved in ways that just GRABBED me! But, although it took indescribable effort, I had to admit that I could NOT ultimately be happy with her. She drove me flippin' nuts. INTENSITY IN TEN CITIES!!! Constantly! Although I know she doesn't realize it, she is absolutely self-centered. It would never have worked.
Then there is another young lady (25 years old) whom I find very attractive. She is quite cute, but more than that I'm constantly impressed with how smart she is. Our conversations are so incredibly engaging. For someone like me, when you reach a certain depth in conversation, it becomes fantastically engaging. She must have five or six new business ideas every time we meet--and she actually puts forth the effort to actualize some of them! I also like the way she moves her neck. In the beginning I thought it was weird. We were watching that TV show in which that group of people re-build or re-design a family's home for them, and as it played I kept noticing how her neck would (I think unconsciously) crane and tilt with emotion. I dig it.
Then there is the person whose personality I consider to be most like mine. We have great conversations too. She is warm and sweet, a go-getter, but someone who likes to enjoy herself. And she is positively stunning. She feels like home to me. I like the way she walks when she means business. Fast and hard. She only weighs about 120 pounds, but she can make those heels sound like Hulk Hogan is wearing them when she's walking through the hallway on a mission. I like the way she uses her hands to express herself. They're small but make powerful gestures and clenches. While she is one of the nicest, sweetest, most generous people you'll ever meet, I LOVE the way she will occasionally swear like a sailor (to me) when she gets ticked off at someone.
Okay, so this has been a bit of a ramble; sorry. Yes, I like all of those abstract things that contribute to an attraction, but, once attracted to a woman, ultimately for me it's about this: Am I going to be able to live with her? Am I going to make her happy--and will she make me happy?
