I was thinking of forbidding my wife from taking the kids out in service (page 2)

DevonMcBride

I agree with Chia and RichieRich. Definitely give your kids a balance of views. While their mother is indoctrinating them with the pro-WT stance, you can show them the critical view.

Check_Your_Premises

Let me clarify some points here.

RIght now meetings are optional. The 12yr old goes usually. The 9yr old hardly ever goes. I have done a pretty good job of inoculating myself from all the "Dad is bad" crap.

I spent a great deal of time showing everyone including my wife, that I am a conscientious Christian, and I am not a dub because I am not comfortable with their claims of divine appointment (as opposed to the standard explanation that anyone who is not a dub just wants to smoke pot and bang hookers).

Furthermore I established in their mind that just as your mother sees there being risk to your eternal soul for not joining, I see risk FOR JOINING. I gave them some intellectual and emotional cover.

I wear the pants. If I say they don't go, they don't go.

But I am trying to get my wife to leave. I need her to trust me if I am to do that. So my question here is how much trust will I lose if I put my foot down.

I would put it like this, "I want them to be dubs if they have intellectually established that it is the truth. I don't want them to become dubs because they have been acting like dubs, so they now feel obligated to think like dubs" I have explained cognitive dissonance to her, so that will make sense to her.

(Cognitive dissonance is the theory that our thoughts, actions, and emotions need to be consistent. If an action changes, then our thoughts need to change to be consistent with that aciton. IF they go out in service, they need to change their thoughts to match up with that action)

Chia

I know, Rich, isn't that weird? It's like we're related or something!

But seriously, Premises, he's right. I didn't even think that the elders would be like, "It's so excellent, Sister Struggling, that you're trying to make sure these children have the truth despite your husband's opposition." Not only that, but even though you are the head in the family, a lot of that goes out the window because you aren't a Dub. We were constantly referred to as "fatherless children" because my dad wasn't a Witness. But he certainly was very alive, and in fact, he wasn't even an opposer. But they still disrespected him.

They firmly believe that if a husband asks a wife to do something that would compromise her dedication to Jehovah, that she must be loyal to Jehovah and disobey her husband. That means that not instilling "the truth" in your children would be disobedient to Jehovah. She has to do her best. I would make sure your kids see that you aren't the bad guy here, that you're being completely rational. When they get a little older, and their mom doesn't want them to go to the prom, to be in school sports or go to dances, then they'll know what's up. I've been there...but there was no one to stand up for me. Please, be a listening ear for your kids.

Chia

I see what you're saying. If you put it that way, yeah, you'll lose her trust, because she'll think you're opposing her and it's persecution from Satan.

RichieRich

Please, be a listening ear for your kids.

Thats what should take precedent- your wife might be too far gone- save the kids- but DON'T turn yourself into a story for the next Circuit ASSembly.

Check_Your_Premises

Let me clarify some more points.

I am "open" to the religion. Which is technically true. If a burning bush talks to me, if someone raises someone from the dead, or if someone makes some wine, I am all ears.

But have gone to great pains to show how open to the religion I am. I am not an opposer. I am a very skeptical and thorough UBM. I even have a book study, and I am quite chummy with the PO. He is a real funny guy.

So I do have some room to work here. If I did forbid this, it would piss her off, but I am not sure it would make her think I was an opposer.

I go to some of the meetings! I have a study!

What do you think?

EvilForce

I would say that you do not want them to go until they can make up their own minds..... say at 14 or 15 or 16 or whatever.

Or, maybe you can just do a short term solution by finding an activity on Thursday mornings instead...maybe swimming lessons, pottery class, whatever. Buys you a year before you need a new excuse?

hillbilly

AS long as your example as Daddy is strong and ethical and cool and stuff rest assured your KIDS will get out the the D2D thing on thier own...Dont push it....They will start refusing soon enough. Then all you have to do is back them.

Of course you know that even though you win.. soon enough she will stop sleeping with you and eventually her BOE will endorse her bailing cause you endanger her spirtuality.

Sorry to sound like a downer... you are in for a hard time, man...God bless you, keep your wits and trust your kids. Kids are smart and smell WT stink way before we think they do.

~Hill

Check_Your_Premises

RR,

So you are saying that the kids need to be comfortable coming to me to bitch about the dumb religion?

Do I criticize or just nod my head and say, "yeah that is a bummer".

What story would I be at the ASSembly.

I swear, I can't wait to see how you are when you have some age, drinking, and experience under your belt. You kill me.

CYP

Chia

I don't know your wife. And you are in a different region than I am. But I know that if it was here...let's say I was a faithful Dub(back when I was). If you were my husband, and you were open to studying the Bible, but then you said, "I don't want you taking the kids to the meetings." I'd be like, "Why? You're having a study, you're open to listening, the children can't make that choice?" That's what I would say, had I been a faithful Dub. More likely than not, she will view that as a form of opposition, even if you yourself are open to a study. The Bible says, "Train up a boy according to the way of wisdom..." or something like that. It says "Inculcate your children...." or something like that. If she does not try her hardest to do this, she will feel like she is failing. Eventually, you'll be made to look like an opposer. Even if she doesn't feel that way at first, she'll let slip to her friends at the Hall or one of the elders, and they will say, "Oh, he is opposing you." Before you even know it, you'll be the bad guy. They'll probably start inviting you to stuff, congregation functions, or they'll start talking to you about it on your study, but that is the likely scenario, I am sorry to say.

Again, this is all my humble opinion. I'm not trying to forecast doom and gloom, but it sounds ugly to me.

I was thinking of forbidding my wife from taking the kids out in service

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