People's Sex Lives

love2Bworldly

Reading another thread got me to thinking about my past sex life. I want to know if my thinking is old-fashioned. I was a virgin until I was almost 22. I married my first sexual partner. After our divorce 5 years later, over the course of the next 15 years or so, I slept with quite a few men. I feel guilty about the times I had sex with someone that I did not have a committed relationship with. Have I been overly promiscuous? (I have always been faithful in my committed relationships.)

bikerchic

This is the definition from the dictionary on promiscuous:

pro·mis·cu·ous ( P ) Pronunciation Key (pr
adj.

Having casual sexual relations frequently with different partners; indiscriminate in the choice of sexual partners.
Lacking standards of selection; indiscriminate.
Casual; random.
Consisting of diverse, unrelated parts or individuals; confused: “Throngs promiscuous strew the level green” (Alexander Pope).

[From Latin prpossessed equally : printensive pref.; see pro- 1 + miscto mix; see meik- in Indo-European Roots.]

pro·mis adv.
pro·mis n.

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Source: The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition
Copyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company.
Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.

Main Entry: pro·mis·cu·ous
Pronunciation: pr&-'mis-ky&-w&s
Function: adjective
: not restricted to one sexual partner

promiscuous

adj 1: not selective of a single class or person; "Clinton was criticized for his promiscuous solicitation of campaign money" 2: casual and unrestrained in sexual behavior; "her easy virtue"; "he was told to avoid loose (or light) women"; "wanton behavior" [syn: easy, light, loose, sluttish, wanton]

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Ethereal

Have I been overly promiscuous?

That's an oxymoron if I've ever heard one!

joelbear

Sex is a natural function. Make sure you are having safe sex. Make sure that both parties know going into the deal what they can expect to come out of the deal with. Unrealistic expectations on one person's part are no reflection on the other person's part as long as they have been up front and honest about what they are offering. Make sure that sex has not become something that you become obsessed with as they can detract from many other pleasurable pursuits. Protect yourself and the other individual from harm.

Sex, like eating or any other necessary biological function can get out of hand, just keep your head about you.

IP_SEC

L2BW,

I think I know what thread your talking about, maybe not, but I tasted bile over that thread not because of the sex and what not but because of what I perceived as a cavaleir, preditory attitude. I may have it all wrong I havent been back to that thread since to see. It looked like it was going no where.

I cant and wouldnt judge your sexuallity, you gotta figure out for yourself if youre doing whats good for you and others. Try to keep your heart in the right place, and dont hurt anyone.

love2Bworldly

Let me clarify a little bit. What I was talking about was past behavior. I have been remarried for 2 years now and I am a faithful wife. I am not addicted to sex or anything like that. It's just that I feel bad that there were times in my past when I seemed to be lacking in good judgement or in sticking to my own little moral code. I feel that I was not true to myself at various times in my life, if that makes sense, and I feel bad about it.

Markfromcali

Putting aside the guilt and the possible judgement of "I am a promiscuous person" or "I have an old fashioned view" for a moment, you might just ask yourself why you think you were that sexually active. It's hard to get a clearer picture when you are caught up in feeling guilty. I think any time when you are bottled up like in the case of being a JW it is natural to go to the other extreme and act out after the fact, but then the time comes where we settle down and just ask what do I really want?

Chia

Well, I'm very young, and by no means an expert. I have experienced this to some extent, because I was the good sweet J-Dub virgin, I lost my virginity, and then I kinda did some things that were a little crazy. Now I have a great boyfriend, and I wouldn't think about going back to that stuff for anything. Some probably would have called me promiscuous. But I can't say I regret doing the things I did. They made me who I am today. I learned something from every experience and I will continue learning from future experiences.

There's only a need to feel guilty if you learn nothing. Just my humble opinion.

Markfromcali

Well frankly being true to yourself is not the same as being true to a moral code you've adopted. You'd think one includes the other, but often we have the ideas whereas the simple truth is we cannot program our entire being so easily. I wouldn't view it strictly from that perspective of my moral code, but more along the lines of a broader perspective including all of yourself so that nothing is left out.

This poem seems appropriate:

Wild Geese
by Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting —
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

prophecor

Hi 2B Worldly.

I feel guilty about the times I had sex with someone that I did not have a committed relationship with. Have I been overly promiscuous? (I have always been faithful in my committed relationships.)

Do you think that maybe you were just being human? In the seeking out of our basic urges and instincts, that you were merely trying to get your needs met?

You began your sexual excursion as a virgin, not having sex until that right one came along, or at the very least, the one who would do as well. Unfortunately, your relationship didn't last, but you were left still hanging on to the urge to satisfy your basic desires. Were you in hopes of solidifying a long term relationship with any of these? Have you nailed down being in a committed relationship now?

Overly promiscuous? I can't answer that one perse'. I would agree that you were only being normal. Even good girls like to get a little bit.

I'd find somebody to take the handcuffs off, if I were you.

love2Bworldly

Mark--thanks! Great poem, I really like that. I think the reason I feel bad sometimes about my past is because until the last few years of my life, I felt socially awkward or really didn't know who I was. It was not only the JW teenage years, but growing up with deaf parents. They were not social people and did not react normally to the outside world. I guess it took me a long time to grow up emotionally, if that makes sense.

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