by love2Bworldly 20 Replies latest jw friends
"I'd find somebody to take the handcuffs off, if I were you. "
LOL Hmmm, maybe I should ask my husband if he would like to try that.
May I add to this thread that I am so glad I am not stuck with a JW husband. There are so many fun things in the bedroom I would be missing out on.
So you're a slut.... who cares?
Words only have meaning if you give them power. It's easy to look back and say what you shoulda, woulda, coulda, done. But given the information / emotional status at the time you chose to have some fun and enjoy some else's body. Your JW programming isn't gone yet. You've tasted what sexual freedom is and now can be a successful faithful wife because of it.
Geeesh, hon give yourself a break and quit beating yourself up over it.
I don't think you should feel guilty about anything. You only did what was normal human feelings. Now you are committed to ONE person.
There seems to be a general way of thinking in my generation that a man can have sex with 5, 10, or who knows how many women and he is still an OK guy. But if a woman sleeps with one too many men and others know of it, then she is considered a slut, whore, or whatever. It's the old double standard that I have never subscribed to.
I knew far too many men who wanted a virgin but thought it was just fine that they sowed their wild oats. What BS!
Now do something nice for yourself........have fun with your man.
HappyDad
There seems to be a general way of thinking in my generation that a man can have sex with 5, 10, or who knows how many women and he is still an OK guy. But if a woman sleeps with one too many men and others know of it, then she is considered a slut, whore, or whatever. It's the old double standard that I have never subscribed to.I knew far too many men who wanted a virgin but thought it was just fine that they sowed their wild oats. What BS!
I was thinking the same exact thing Happy Dad! I won't say no men question themselves, but for the most part, it's women who say, "Am I promiscuous?"
Let me clarify a little bit. What I was talking about was past behavior. I have been remarried for 2 years now and I am a faithful wife. I am not addicted to sex or anything like that. It's just that I feel bad that there were times in my past when I seemed to be lacking in good judgement or in sticking to my own little moral code. I feel that I was not true to myself at various times in my life, if that makes sense, and I feel bad about it.
whenever you judge yourself by some arbitrary ideal fantasy, whether one you invented or one others imposed upon you, you are likely to not measure up as the nature of all ideals is to be static and divorced from reality. Rather than feel guilt, seek to understand why you did what you did and learn from it.... in the crap shoot of life, every move is a gamble, regrets over not playing 7s instead of the pass line have no value in the overall play of the game.... you win some you lose some and you move on.... accepting the consequences of each gamble is what makes a good gamer, regrets only get in the way of clear judgements here and now....a clouded view of your next bet is not the best view, surely?
There is no point in getting bad moods over it what's done is done, just enjoy life.
You sound completely normal to me.
Even down to the guilt, as god only knows with your background you're programmed to feel guilt if you behave a certain way.
But what have you to feel guilty for?
Hell, I can think of a few people I wish I hadn't slept with. It's human to make bad choices sometimes. That doesn't mean you're a bad person if you make a bad choice of that type. We're not talking about you making a bad choice of "going postal". Nobody died.
Be happy, you have nothing real to feel bad about, only meaningless shadows.
l2bw
do not fret over passed issues. If you learned something from your actions; that is good. Look at it as a "learning experience". If it hurt you; you know not to do it again. Due to the repressed JW teachings, the guilt is a natural reaction. I tried very hard to NEVER feel guilty about any sexual experiences.
Frank , been there, done that.
I think the reason I feel bad sometimes about my past is because until the last few years of my life, I felt socially awkward or really didn't know who I was. It was not only the JW teenage years, but growing up with deaf parents. They were not social people and did not react normally to the outside world. I guess it took me a long time to grow up emotionally, if that makes sense.
I hear you. There is the emotional and social growth, although I would say it comes down to knowing who you are, and what you really want. We get caught up with our mental and physical behavior, and how they don't quite agree with each other, but who you are is not limited to that, even if those factors shape your life. As useful as a psychological view may be, I think at some point we have to let go of that kind of judgement as well. (though it's certainly more useful than the good/bad kind) I think that last part of the poem ties it together nicely: "announcing your place in the family of things." In other words, it doesn't matter if we are not as emotionally mature as we'd like, but we are included in that family. So often there is this idea that it's about how to identify, isolate and carve out the bad part as if it is some tumor, but in this view it is about being included, it's about being loved.
Thanks for all the great replies! I don't feel so guilty now. But I feel a little guilty because I've been posting at work all morning--LOL Back to work now
