Would you go?

by Mysterious 34 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  HadEnuf

  We had a dear friend pass away last summer and he was one of the only elders I ever knew that stood up against a whole body of elders. He was, of course, removed as an elder when he "stayed the course" and refused to go along with the hypocritical actions of these other elders.

  My husband and I dreaded going to the funeral at the KH; but just felt we needed to do that in respect for this friend. It was dreadful being back in a KH and being shunned by most; but we even decided to go to the meal afterwards, since my husbands brother went with us so we had someone to sit with.

  It would have to be someone else very special to get us to go into a KH again for a funeral, or even just a funeral home for that matter. It was pretty hard and somewhat sickening to be among so many of our former "loving friends".

  Cathy L.
• 

  BrendaCloutier

  I would go to a funeral of a dear and close friend, or my parents, wherever it was held, no matter who attended, no matter what they might think of me. Their thoughts are none of my business. My attending would be out of respect for my loss and grieving process.
• 

  Golden Girl

  Most certainly!..Why not.

  And sith..I had the same exact experience with my JW hubby when he died.I too bit my tongue.Many, many times.
  It was all about hubby. It wasn't time to cause any problems.

  I brought hubby home to die though. Had to welcome them in my home..tough call..luckily for me..they only showed up one time..but his JW family was there a lot!. Bit my tongue a whole lot then. It was very cruel..they picked a time when all I cared about was making hubby comfortable to make me as miserable as I could be..and shortened any precious time I might have had with hubby in his last days.

  Hey..according to their beliefs..they thought they would see him again..I didn't. Why couldn't they have given me time alone with him ..
  especially since they told me over and over that I would not see him again if I didn't go back..how cruel was that.

  Well they anger is coming back..

  But anyway..I have no one left that is a witness that I would care to see at a memorial..so I will never have to do it again. 2 times was enough.

  But I would do it all over again for a loved one!

  Snoozy...
• 

  RichieRich

  And I bet she said something about how because it wasnt of a religious nature it wasnt interfaith or something.

  You betcha...

  When I went to the church though, she said it was "full of demons" and THAT is why Jw s mus never set foot in churches....
• 

  misguided

  This situation happened to me in September last year.

  My brother lives in the Grand Cayman. My parents were going to visit him there.

  My dad's best friend for many years, drove them to the airport. He had been my father's friend since the 1960's, before my father had become a JW. His friend,didn't become a JW until the late 1990s, having taken 30 years for my dad to convince him it was "the truth." This fellow even lived with us during the early 1970s when I was just a child, and I always thought of him as an "uncle." He had no other family here in Canada.

  Anyhow...he had a heart attack on the way back from dropping them off at the airport, and crashed into a semitrailer truck, and died.

  AND...the hurricane hit the very day after my parent's arrived in the Caymans. My parents weren't able to leave the island for 2 weeks.

  WELL...do you think those elders could WAIT for my parents to come home from their trip for them to hold his FUNERAL or MEMORIAL whatever to he** their calling them these days, when they are the closest thing to family that he had! NNOOOO...!! They picked a Saturday just 2 days before they could return! My parents, who have donated so much of their time into this faith, were upset, too, not understanding why they couldn't wait a week (but, of course, "brushed" it off that there had to be a "reason" for it.) But, I could tell they were hurt.

  So, I packed up my kids, made the 3 1/2 hour drive from my home straight to the KH in Langley, BC, and marched in, in all our not-up-to-standard clothing, and represented MY FAMILY at the memorial.

  But to this day, I'm so upset by this whole thing...like they couldn't have waited another week...geeze!!!

  Rose
• 

  Netty

  I made the mistake of doing that a very very long time ago. A witness who was at one time close to our family, but someone I hadn't see in ages died. The experience was so miserable and humilitating for me, I got the most awful migraine headache, you know looks, snares comments... I promised myself never ever again. Since then, my mom has tried, when different ones pass away, to guilt me into it. And NOPE, I won't put myself through it, I have way more self esteem than that now, I refuse to be humiliated, or to go through the sick feeling I know I will get. Of course, the only exception to this would be if either of my parents, or one of my siblings passed away, then of course I would. Otherwise, not gonna touch it with a ten foot pole.
• 

  what_Truth?

  Absolutly. Even Jehovah's Witnesses need our love and support when someone close dies. I come from a large JW family where several members are DF'd, DA'd and innactive. To me a funeral was the only time that everyone could get together, put the bullshit aside, and treat each other like human beings. My grandma died a year and a half ago, and my fondest memory was seeing a picture of the entire family together (at least the ones who could make it anyway).
• 

  crazyblondeb

  If it were my parents, you bet I would. I'm not about to let anyone tell me I'm not good enough to be there. I figure I have just as much right to be there, if not more. Then, when it was time to do the headstone, a cross- or something might have to magically appear!!! And who knows, a keg party to celebrate their life at the gravesite!
• 

  evita

  I went to the memorial of the father of my best friend ( when I was a dub). I had been very close to her family and we had traveled to Europe together. It was OK, no one shunned me. That was probably 8 years ago.
  
  Then last Dec. my mom died. I attended her memorial and it was so bizarre. First off, I completely spaced out on the talk just like I used to do. I have no idea what the guy said. Some were friendly and kind. Some tried to witness. One elder placed some kind of death tract with me. Many avoided my family completely. Either they didn't know what to say or they were unsure of our status (not DA or DF).
  
  The service was lifeless and depressing. We could not say anything about our mom. We weren't allowed to bring our own guest book, but we did make a really beautiful handout with family photos.
  
  When I wrote my friend about my mom dying, she never wrote back to me. I'm not sure if she is shunning me. I will write again because I would like to know for sure.
  
  E.
• 

  MonkeyPrincess

  I went when a very close friend of our family passed, he was like an uncle to me,
  very sweet old man. But one of the elders in my JC made a big deal about me
  sitting with my family, and i shouldnt have been allowed to sit with them, and that
  i should have been in the back. I was already emotional as it was, and he made the
  whole experience very miserable for me. I cant stand that guy!
  
  Anyhow, my 'spriritual' Grandmother died a couple years ago and i didnt go to
  the service at the hall. I really wanted to go, but since i had such a bad experience
  before, i did not want to repeat that. I was so sad over her passing, i mourned her
  at home in my own way, it still makes me sad to think about her, i would have
  wanted her family to know how much i loved her, but sometimes we allow things
  like what that elder did to get in the way.
  
  Would i attend another service at the hall. Probably not, but then again, i would have
  to base that on the circumstance.

  MP