regret my "former" life as a Witness

by Richie 15 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  joelbear

  Hugs to you and to anyone here who is DA'd or DF'd.

  Being disfellowshipped is like going through a personal holocaust. I can only compare it to someone who loses their entire family in a house fire or natural disaster. In fact, it is even worse, because the people you love aren't dead, they are alive, not unresponsive to your needs for love and attention from them.

  It has been 13 years since I was disfellowshipped and the wounds have not healed. Most days I am able to live a fairly normal life. I have a partner and friends and a good job and a nice home. But sometimes, like last week, I go into severely depressed dark places where only death seems like an escape for the utter horror of knowing that so many people I love will never even speak to me again.

  I can only hope that seeing here and other places on the web how many lives have been devastated by this practice, that maybe (and I know its a long shot), but just maybe the Watchtower Society will stop this horrible horrible ungodly and unhumane psychological torture.

  hugs

  Joel
• 

  JT

  we all share this commone bond of understanding how the org works to make folks feel worthless.

  just hang in there and over time it will get better

  and your life will get better

  james
• 

  dannyboy

  Richie,

  I, too can readily identify with the feelings you've expressed. Even though I wasn't DF'd (I simply walked away), the result is very much the same. My heart goes out to you and I feel moved to give you a pat on the back and a "hang in there":

  Someone earlier observed that witness "love" is of the conditional kind. That is so very true, and yet it is not always obvious to us right away, it takes a while for the point to "sink in".

  I think others here have made this point in so many words, but remember: your worth as a person is NOT dependent on the favorable opinion of a group of people you were once very close to. This is, perhaps something to remind yourself of FREQUENTLY. Personally, I am still wrestling with this issue, but it gets better with time, and with slowly aquiring a new set of friends who accept you for who you are and whose "love" of you is not conditional, or subject to change based on the edicts of an organization.

  "Morality is doing what is right no matter what you're told. Religion is doing what you're told no matter what is right."
• 

  Richie

  Thanks so much all of you Billy Gsark Jurs Wiltshire Sozo Cornish Dannyboy James Buffalo Prisca and Joanne for your heartfelt response in understanding our common predicament in dealing with a unique phenonema as we all experienced together in a very similar way!
  You have given me such strength, just by your listening and responding in kind...I feel that your friendship here in our discussion forum (which incidentally I discovered quite by accident a couple of weeks ago)is so genuine and helpful as you all identify our feelings and as a result can lift each other up in our quest to be found worthy as real human beings with all the integrity attached to it. Let's continue to help one another...life is so short....
  Thank you again from the bottom of my heart to you all my dearest friends......

  Kind regards,

  Richie :*)

  You are the music as long as the music last...............
• 

  Francois

  They can't "make you feel like" anything. That's a choice you make, to feel one way or another about yourself. If you feel like you're lower than whale shit, it's because you've decided to feel that way.

  I know it isn't easy, but you CAN make another choice. Many have done so. You can, for instance, choose to feel that you're a spiritually mature person with insights into the nature of reality that your more ignorant friends and family who remain in the Borg can't or won't see. The truth is the truth, after all, even if you are a minority of one.

  You can't be walked on unless you lie down first. Get up. Stand up straight. You are a son of God. Not a slave to the Borg. You should be proud of yourself. I think it's safe to say that we denizens of this board are proud of you.

  Francois

  Where it is a duty to worship the Sun you can be sure that a study of the laws of heat is a crime.
• 

  AngelofMuZiC

  I couldn't agree more Richie. It is important for all of us to lend a helping hand and a listening ear to one another, to give encouragement and strength. It is hard for others to understand our nature, because our background is so very different from the norm, and even the not so norm. We have lived with guilt and mind control, which, especially for those of us who 'grew up' with the 'truth', has molded and shaped most of our present day behavior. You may find yourself struggling to get rid of old ideas and opinions ingrained in you by the WTS...I know I do. There have been times where I have said or done things, without understanding why, until I analyzed the situation, coming to the realization that it stemmed from the teachings that I had accepted as pure and total truth. Just remember we are here to help.

  Sincerely,
  Joanne