Is there something wrong with me?

ChrisVance

I just read David_10's thread "My mother died..." 13 years ago I called my mother, after I had left the LIE because I'm gay. I hadn't been disfellowshipped at that point, but she told me she didn't want to keep in contact because "being homosexual is one of the worst things." I told her OK and have never tried to contact her again. Many people in David_10's thread that one should continue to try to reconcile with parents who are shunning us. I just don't feel like I want to do that. Mrs. Kessel, my mother, will be 84 this year, so there may not be much time left. However, about 8 years ago I underwent some therapy during which I discovered she had emotionally abandonned when I was very young because even then it was apparent that I was gay. She was very ashamed of having a gay son. I feel guilty about not wanting to try to contact her, but is it worth it?

EvilForce

Chris .... as a fellow homo and struggling with family issues myself.... It's been 8 years? Give her 1 more chance eh? If you feel it might harm you mentally to contact her, well then...screw it don't do it. But if you feel at some point you might just regret it....make 1 more try. If she's an ass again...well she's made her choice.

prophecor

In her senior years, your mother may've come to some different conclusions regarding you, your past as well as her own, and she might just need you to reach out to her. Horrible are the ways that the WTBTS destroys the bonds of family. She might be willing to reconcile, especially now that her September Years are upon her. She may have things she needs to work out with you before the clock runs out. Do it for her, though, if you have to do it at all. Reach out, if she still refuses, go your way in peace. You've done all that you could do.

Welcome Chris

Arthur

ChrisVance

EF and Prophecor, Thanks for your responses. On an intellectual level what you say is very reasonable, but on an emotional level it seems darn difficult. She's always been a dyed in the wool dub. She's a very fragile person who everyone wants to protect because they're afraid she's going to fall apart at any minute. However as EF says, I'm wondering if I'd feel guilty for not trying once she's passed away. But then again since she's so fragile maybe I should leave well enough alone.

misspeaches

Hi Chris

Although not being in the same situation as yourself I thought I could contribute. My mum too is a dyed in the wool dub. When I knew that I could no longer pretend that everything was alright and go along with what she demanded it scared me more than the elders scare me! It took me about 3 years and then finally I worked up the courage to tell her. Her reaction floored me. She was more reasonable than I could have expected. Of course she was extremely upset over it and still is. Her reaction surprised me though.

Ultimately I wish you peace and solace on your path.

Dan-O

I'm not gay. But my mother used to be a Dub. And she asked me once upon a time how Mrs.O & I were going to raise our children ... Mrs. O being Catholic, and me not being one ... a good question. It was one I neeed to face.

Maybe the years have erased some of her ideas. Maybe they have re-inforced them.

You won't know until you dig a little. The answers may not be easy. But the answers you discover will tell you something about yourself. And I think that's important.

Es

Better to regret what youve done than what you havnt done. So perhaps get in contact with your mum if she doesnt treat you nice than at least you did it. If you left it and it became too late than you would have to live with that hope this helps and let us know how it goes es

rebel8

I feel guilty about not wanting to try to contact her, but is it worth it?

Hi Chris,

I may be one of the few people who feels the same way as you do. I was physically abused, medically neglected to the point of near death, and emotionally/verbally abused by my JW mother. I have no affection or respect for her whatsoever. I appreciate her giving birth to me and caring for me as an infant, but after infancy, I would have been better off having been raised by wolves (kidding).

My JW apologist siblings are nasty, immature, lying, narcissistic, and are just about the meanest people I've ever met. In my dysfunctional family, I was pegged as the scapegoat and they are not willing to accept me stepping out of that role. The more I try to not be the scapegoat, the harder they try to force me back into it. That is how a dysfunctional family works.

I realize most people believe you should feel some sort of emotional connection or responsibility to blood relatives. I have to say I gave it a really good try for many years. Ultimately, relationships with toxic people do not work unless either you are willing to continue to accept their toxic behavior towards you OR by some major miracle, they change their behavior (which rarely happens).

I have contact with my mother ONLY to please my non-JW father, and the contact is limited to a bare minimum. I have no contact with my siblings.

Do I feel like I'm a bad person? NO! One of the things any good marriage/family therapist will tell you is that some relationships are not worth saving. Only YOU can decide if your relationship with your mother is not worth saving. Each situation is different.

Of note is that my decision to limit contact with my mother is reinforced each time I interact with her. She does the same toxic routine each time, so I have little question that I made the right decision. You not having contact with yours for so long makes the decision less clear.

ChrisVance

Thanks everyone for your comments. It's really a tough decision, so I'm going to think about it for a while. thanks for your input.

RevFrank

is there something wrong? As a homosexual, been there done that........Paul tells us that many of us were all sorts at one time, until we came to know Christ as our Savour. So I altered my desires, which wasn't easy, and went forward.............

It's your choice..........

PEACE

Is there something wrong with me?

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