Update: Elders will not marry couple. Need opinions

Nosferatu

If you haven't read the first thread, it's here:

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/91906/2.ashx

So, I talked to my mother last night about this situation. The couple is going ahead with their wedding plans with the JOP. My mother's not going to the wedding ceremony, but will be attending the reception. I gave her shit for not supporting her friend, and all she could do is say, "Well, why don't you go? You can have the invitation." Her reason for not going is because the couple is REBELLING against the elders. That really makes me sick.

Now, I'm actually considering going to the wedding to show my support for their decision, and to be a better person than my mother, even though I haven't seen this person in about ten years.

What do you think?

rebel8

I think it's wrong for the elders to do this because the couple will be knocked down a few rungs on the JW social pecking order for getting married by a JP. Their reasoning, as usual, is illogical and controlling--not appropriate reasons, unless they have a valid reason for thinking the couple is not ready for marriage.

Having said that, it is their right to refuse to marry anyone; they're not obligated (legally or by etiquette) to perform weddings if they don't want to. It's a free service they can choose to offer or not offer to whomever they please. I am a wedding "minister" through an athiest "church". I would be very taken aback if people badmouthed me for choosing not to perform a free ceremony (most ministers charge a fee, except JWs)--especially to wed a couple I personally don't feel should wed! Granted, I have a much more liberal attitude and it would take a lot for me to object to wedding a consenting couple.

Your mother's choice not to attend the wedding but instead to attend the reception is totally bizarre. The purpose of a reception is for the couple/family to have an opportunity to be hospitable to the wedding guests and show their appreciation for them attending the wedding....also to celebrate their new status as a married couple. All of those things do not apply to someone who is morally opposed to the wedding in the first place. She should just send her regrets and not give a reason. To attend half is stupid and is like "sitting on the fence".

If you were invited to the wedding, then by all means attend if you want to. I know people can attend weddings in public places (KHs) without an invitation, but personally I think it would be quite odd for you to show up if you weren't invited because you haven't seen this person in so long.

Sunspot

Nos,

I had missed the first thread and just read all this in its entirety. I hope that if there IS a valid reason that the couple should not be married----then they should be told what it is and go from there.

If there is NO reason that the rest of the cong knows about (except for the age difference) then I say go for it. As Blondie proved, there is no reason for not being wed by a JOP, or by a sympathetic elder at another chosen place. I've been to two weddings like that---and a couple of JOP weddings too.

Here we go again--------for an event that is supposed to reflect joy and happiness-----the WTS has yet again reared its ugly head and imposed its own oddball standards and has all but ruined this wedding for the couple.

Even your Mom has been affected, by showing support by not being at the wedding---she will make the WTS dictators pleased but will ruin the relationship with her best friend. Forever. I feel badly for her too. It's got to be a tough, miserable choice to make.

Once again, I am appalled at the liberties freely taken by the WTS in determining every aspect of the JWs lives. They are truly presumptuous and highly arrogant bastards! It sounds more like "what can we do to screw up these plans AND these people's lives" rather than "what would Jesus do", as they claim to pattern their methods after.

Nos, being who I am......*I* would show up at the wedding! Showing love and concern at this time would be a very nice gesture (not to mention how the elders would feel about those who DO choose to be there----in opposition to "Jehovah")! If it comes to it---if asked---you could always say you were there "representing" your Mom, who felt she had to "listen to the top brass" and wasn't able to be there!

hugs,

Annie

blondie

Nos, I don't understand why your mother thinks going to wedding is supporting her but going to the reception is not. Sounds extremely hypocritcal to me.

pratt1

If I was the couple I would personally escort anyone who attended the reception but did not attend the Wedding, unless they had a very good reason.

Supporting the elders decision is not a good reason.

I know a few couples who years ago could not get married in the KH because they had premarital sex.

But those same elders who refused to allow them to get married in the hall, would still attend the reception, eating and drinking on the couples dime.

It makes no sense.

Nosferatu

I'm only guessing that there may be more JWs like my mother who would decide not to attend the wedding for fear of the elders. I'm really wondering how many people are going to be attending this wedding, and I'm already feeling bad knowing that there may not be all that many people at their wedding.

Not only do I think attending this wedding would be a nice gesture, but it may give my mother a bit of a wakeup call that she's being totally unreasonable about the whole thing. She doesn't expect me to take up her offer to attend her friend's wedding. She's doing it to be an asshole and change the subject from her being unsupportive.

95stormfront

Nos, I don't understand why your mother thinks going to wedding is supporting her but going to the reception is not. Sounds extremely hypocritcal to me. But those same elders who refused to allow them to get married in the hall, would still attend the reception, eating and drinking on the couples dime.

I don't see how this surprises anyone see as how notoriously cheap the witnesses are. Why bother bringing a gift to the wedding when you can bypass this expense to yourself, go to the reception, and eat and drink for free, assuming they'll be serving any alcohol. Wouldn't want to "stumble" anybody.

rebel8

They are notoriously cheap, but etiquette doesn't require anyone to give wedding gifts whether they attend the ceremony or not...so not attending the ceremony but attending the reception doesn't affect the gift obligation.

Gifts are simply a tradition, not a requirement. I'm not aware of any tradition that says not to bring a gift if you only attend the reception but not the ceremony. In fact, many people who aren't able to attend either event still send gifts, and many who attend either or both don't give gifts at all.

Nathan Natas

Blondie said,

Nos, I don't understand why your mother thinks going to wedding is supporting her but going to the reception is not. Sounds extremely hypocritcal to me.

There's no dinner served at the wedding. Nos, I'm sorry dude, but your Mom is a hypocrit.

Nosferatu

Nos, I'm sorry dude, but your Mom is a hypocrit.

Man, don't be sorry. I know she's a hypocrite.

Update: Elders will not marry couple. Need opinions

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