Anybody else see a problem with this website?

by avishai 37 Replies latest jw friends

  • avishai
    avishai

    Anyone?

    Let's start with this statement

    Who most often commits domestic violence?
    Overwhelmingly, it's heterosexual men in relationships. However, if we refer just to the act of hitting or physically hurting another person, research statistics from the 1980's and early 1990's shows women are as likely or more likely than men to hit or physically harm a partner

    What the heck is that supposed to mean? OK, so if a man hits, or hurts a woman, it's domestic violence, but if a woman does it,it's not?

    However, in comparison, a man's reaction to a woman's violence is usually far less emotionally traumatic than a woman's reaction to a man's violent acts. The emotional reaction for men being hit by a woman is usually annoyance, anger and self-righteousness. The male might think, "She's got a lot of nerve, who does she think she is laying her hands on me".In contrast, the reaction for women is far more traumatic, most often involving varying amounts of fear or terror. When a 180-lb man who's been trained to punch, punches a 130lb woman, she's going to feel a lot different than when the 130-lb woman punches the 180lb man. Both because of physical size, and because of mind-set; women are not trained to think they can defend themselves; men are trained to think they can

    Bullsh*t. This assumes WAYYYY too much. What is she hitting you with? How hard? Plus, an enraged woman coming after you is wayy scary. You KNOW you can't hit back. You can't defend yourself, most men have also been trained to NEVER hit a woman. Also, What if the woman is 180, and the guy is 130? What if they're both the same size? I understand the sentiment, but to say that being attacked by a pissed off woman who is supposed to love you is mereley "annoying" is crazy. Don't get me wrong, I hate domestic violence from men and given half a chance I'll put a wife beater where they belong, and you'll just have to use your imagination on which county facility that is. BUT I am SOOO pissed that the far left victim feminist wing has co-opted domestic viloence to the point to where violent PEOPLE , If they are'nt straight males are allowed to cop out. I used to see this every day in the group home. A man would hit his kid too hard, he'd get jail which is fine. A woman would put her kid in the HOSPITAL and due tho these same stinking stats and victim bullsh*t would get counseling and get her kids back in two weeks and put them back in the HOSPITAL again two weeks later. I hate this bullsh*t. Same with women child molesters

    OK, next.

    Don't lesbian and gay people batter too?
    Yes. In fact, in recent years we’ve been finding much higher numbers than suspected in lesbian and gay relationships. There is a slightly different dynamic in these relationships than in heterosexual relationships. The lesbian and gay battering situations often involve the inability to deal with the frustration and burdens of living in a homophobic society. There are also similar issues, present in heterosexual marriages, (children, money, things like that), but these issues become an even greater problem with gay couples because they don’t have as much support from family or friends during these rough times. In fact, some families don’t even know that their child is in a gay relationship.

    So, gay people beat each other up because of "gay rage?" I thought people beat people up because they were a-holes, personally.

    These societal factors often times contribute along with more common factors like growing up in a violent home, self-hatred, and poor impulse control

    Growing up in a violent home makes you gay?
    See? No accountability. If the guy was black, hispanic, etc., no out. Gay, go beat the crap outta your partner, we understand, you've been oppressed.
    I have marched in parades with my queer buddies. I'm str8 but not narrow. This is SOOOOO damn insulting to gays, it's not even funny.
  • Fe2O3Girl
    Fe2O3Girl

    I agree that the problem of women inflicting domestic violence on men is not taken seriously enough. I post on a pregnancy board, and recently another poster described arguments in which on separate occasions she had left her partner with bite and scratch marks on his upper body and face. Several posters responded with "poor you, he shouldn't wind you up" messages. Totally unacceptable.

    I can't equate this attitude with equality of the sexes. It is not a feminist attitude to say "I can't be held responsible for my actions because I am a poor liddle hormonal woman. Feel sorry for me."

  • diamondblue1974
    diamondblue1974

    Avishai

    I see your point, this article really hasnt been written with empirical evidence in mind and leans more towards a radical feminist view of domestic violence, now I am not saying that this is necessarily wrong but it lacks any real reference to primary sources for information and is taken as a personal view as opposed to a view based upon hard evidence.

    I did a short paper on domestic violence some months ago and evidence did suggest that men who were battered did suffer significant psychological and emotional harm as well as the physical. Hence the views portrayed on the website could be said to be a myth. The view expressed on this site tends to lean toward men exerting power over women (which may or may not be the case) but it clear indication of a more radical feminist view.

    I do agree with her view that lesbians and gays do have barriers to getting out of abusive relationships given the stigma still attached to homosexuality; especially when family & friends were not supportive in the first instance but again you are right that it makes no difference whether you are straight or gay, an abusive relationship is still that and is still damaging on the victim. I dont think there was any reference to the 'gay rage' as you put it but it is clear that societal issues can have an impact upon a relationship however this is no excuse and not a reason for the violence; my own research indicated that the same issues came to the fore in relation to domestic violence both in straight and gay relationships; i.e control, inability to deal with anger and frustration appropriately etc etc.

    How does alcohol affect domestic violence or battering?
    It has some affect. Many people who are engaged in violence or are victims of violence, think alcohol is a large factor or a cause of the battering. Generally though, it’s not considered a cause of battering. We do know however, that alcohol is found to be involved in approximately 1/2 of the cases reported to the police. Either the victim or perpetrator has been drinking, or both. So certainly, there is some bearing on people's behavior when they have been drinking alcohol. But generally, it’s never the cause of the violence. Violence is really someone's decision that it's okay to hit another person, to strangle, restrain, or whatever the physical act.

    This largely was what I had concluded relating to alcohol however research suggested the perpetrator would batter whether drunk or not and the relationship would equally be as abusive whether the perpetrator was sobre or not. Either way I agree with the point about alcohol not necessarily being the cause.



    DB74

  • sixsixsixtynine
    sixsixsixtynine
    When a 180-lb man who's been trained to punch

    Huh? How come nobody ever trained me to punch? Just one more thing I missed out on growin' up Dub. Damn!

  • trevor
    trevor

    avishai

    I have read your post with interest. I have read some interesting statistics on domestic violence and it is by no means a male only problem. In many cases where men have called the police because they are being attacked by female partners, the police have arrested the man who makes the call and put him in a cell overnight. They explain that this is policy and they always arrest the man, no matter what.

    A lot of overweight women weigh in at more than their male partners and are aware that in addition to their weight advantage they can hit out with all their strength confident of immunity from prosecution. Many battered men refuse to report abusive partners out of shame and fear that it will make them look weak or that the law is against them.

    This does not detract from the fact that a number of women are hit by men. I have worked as a therapist with both men and women who have suffered with this problem and feel that until there is transparent and fair assessment of domestic violence, its cause and remedy will evade us.

  • BrendaCloutier
    BrendaCloutier

    Avi, I see your points. That article perpetuates some old myths.

    IMO The BIGGEST problem of domestic violence is the ultimate source: The parents of the violent person.
    (I'm not discounting the persons onus for their actions)

    A child witness to a husband beating a wife, or a wife beating on a husband, or a wife verbally attacking a husband, sends an unconscious signal to a child that this is how I am supposed to behave when I'm an adult and in a relationship with another.

    I was a battered wife. First marriage, and in a limited way, second marriage. I also found the source of my own victimization as being raise a JW woman subjected to her husband in ALL THINGS, and not being allowed to use the word "no". The Elders told me that I wasn't a good enough wife.

    Yes, I did hit back, but it was futile for a 5'9 140lb woman against a 6'4 235 lb man, who would pick me up and throw me like a sack of potatos.

    I've been able to forgive him, once I realized he grew up in a violent home. His dad would get drunk and beat up their mother, and beat the boys. D** was just doing what he was taught.

    Sadly, D** taught me well. I became a batterer in my own way, psychologically, throwing things, ambushing.

    Ultimately, I had to take onus for my own actions. I did a year of domestic violence recovery group along with CoDA and Alanon meetings to get over my PTSD issues. It was there that I learned that I had become a victimzer.

    I personally think that part of the reason for the epidemic of domestic violence and violence toward children is the stressful 24/7 society we live in today. Parents are overworked and have little time to themselves as individuals. Kids today are overloaded with schoolwork, and so many after-school activities that they are often busier than the adults! Stress happens, tempers flare, and those pre-recorded behaviours as children kick in.

    Tough stuff. I'm glad to now be a very minor participant.

  • avishai
    avishai

    Btw, I don't disagree with all of this website. But i just hate how it gets politicized. It basically says men are "asking for it" and when they "get it" it "does'nt hurt". It's BS.

  • RichieRich
    RichieRich

    Spousal abuse is a serious problem. That being said

    Don't lesbian and gay people batter too?

    God!! I hate you!!!

    **SLAP**

    Y ou Bitch!!!

  • Mecurious?
    Mecurious?

    Man keep-em coming avishai...

    M'

  • avishai
    avishai

    bump

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