Finally-Free, that's a great point. Aside from the abuse issue, this is just how I felt things were in the organization. When I was an elder, sitting on Judicial Committees, there was a principle I found all too common. Elders would look for a person to completely agree with them, their opinions or conclusions. If you didn't do this, you were pretty well considered "unrepentant." I remembered trying to sway things away from this. For instance, when we were deliberating over an accused brother who was angry and outspoken about the conclusions the committee was coming to, most of the elders attempted to suggest that this anger was evidence of his "lack of humility." While I was convinced this guy was guilty, I still tried to show them how this is exactly how a person would act if he were in fact innocent--and that it might be simple righteous indignation.
I also recall being in a meeting with a man and woman. Our PO kept saying things like, "Now we know it NEVER comes down to one person being wrong and the other one right. It's ALWAYS a two-way street." I can recall thinking, "Wait a minute. Usually this is the case. But SOMETIMES it IS one person's fault. If a guy is getting drunk and smashing things, sometimes it was NOTHING the wife did that caused it. And this is just as well true if it is the WOMAN who is getting drunk and smashing things around the house. Because he suggested she back off on the margaritas is not a reason to say that he shares in the blame."
When I was in my own Judicial Committee, and one elder told me I had the "obligation" to confess any wrongdoing to the elders--and I shared that I hadn't been convinced I did have that obligation--no amount of humility or repentance mattered. If I was not in total and complete agreement with any Society mandate, it meant I was unrepentant. Even though I had in fact come forward and confessed--and was clearly looking for their assistance. Merely showing them the Society's own writings that demonstrated that it is God to whom we confess and from whom we receive forgiveness and asking for their help in understanding it, to them, meant I was "minimizing" what I'd done. HIlarious.
Yes, if you speak out on your behalf, very often in this organization, it means you're a bad person.