frankiespeakin, I like what you posted and feel the same.
The problem with marriage is that the from my observations a wife thinks she owns the man once she marries him and can manipulate him into what she wants him to be to impress her friends and family! The wedding day is 'her day'. After all, she wants them to think he's perfect and so great! She wants him to earn more and 'move up' in the world. The man possesses his wife and doesn't want her to change even if the budget is tight and she needs to work, and that means get out in the world and meet people including men. He wants her to be his and take care of him even when she is taking care of all their kids!!! She wants him to grow and he doesn't want her to. This could apply to same sex marriages too I suppose when one is more insecure than the other.
He wants HIS needs met.
She wants HER needs met.
This is NOT marriage to me. The marriage I am in now is NOT like that and I know I am very lucky. We talked about that when we got serious. We both agreed we would not ASK for stuff, or favors, or require things to change or stay the same. If he wants to do something, I just let him do it and support him. I want him to grow and have a LIFE, and he seems to be doing that for me. We talk about what we want and the goals we want to do. And we try and help each other accomplish them. We have been together for 9 years now, and married for 4. When we got married, we ALREADY FELT MARRIED. It was not a change, it felt right and actually made both of us relax more. If we feel the other get 'insecure' we both say to each other 'I am not going anywhere', you are stuck with me! And then we laugh and take a deep breath. I think that is marriage. He taught me this. And my children (not his, but his, & mine 5 total) are treated equally as ours. We have 8 grandchildren together. And by the way, we say 'thank you' after affection and time together (which by the way is often, we pursue each other all the time). And when I meet him for lunch 'I say I can't wait to see you!, he sighs and says 'I can't wait to see you either'! We have SOOOOO much to talk about all the time! I think he is awesome! The ultimate compliment I can give him is to tell him 'if I was a man, I would want to be like you'!
I did not have this before nor did I know this was possible. This is why I know that you have to be mature, know what you want and LOVE YOURSELF FIRST before getting married. This way you won't just get caught up in something not right. Promise yourself if you are not married yet that you will wait until you feel 'wonderful' and right and peaceful inside with someone for a long time BEFORE running down the isle!
A friend told me once (she was 87) that she would turn down dates by saying 'if you can't take better care of me or treat me better than I can take care of myself, then why should I go with you?' She wanted to be with someone who could teach her and make her reach in life. She became a Countess.
out of the box
