My Mother

funes

Hello All,

I was disfellowshipped when I was 16, it really isn't clear because I stopped going to meetings, left home, etc. I was 28 before I truly stopped believing and have grown to love every day of life I've had the privilege to live.

My Mother was a missionary, my brother lives at one of the farms, one of my sisters is a special pioneer overseas and my other sister is a special pioneer in the states.

Here's the problem. My little boy is now 18 months old and his grandmother loves him dearly. She has visited twice, even staying with us for a week each time. However after the last visit it appears that my siblings gathered together and discussed things with her. She visited in January and only now, in June, did she even mention that something happened. She still won't tell me the entire story because she can't stop sobbing.

I spent tonight searching the forums for reinstatement stories - it doesn't look that great. If I tried the reinstatement and fade away route they could always stress that I was inactive. However, my Mother has mentioned reinstatment before, and I think it could be enough dogmatic cover for her visits to be deemed acceptable. It would at least give her enough to argue that her actions weren't damaging another's conscience.

Does anyone have any insight into this procedure? Is it true that the original elders have to be contacted? Could I do this at a distant congregation from my current home, to ease the eventual fade? I live thousands of miles away from the original congregation and would probably go to a spanish congregation to try to separate things even further.

Honestly, I detest this route. But I dearly love my Mother, and she has truly been simply loving, when she visits, calls us - she is simply a grandmother with her grandson - no witnessing, no interference, nothing.

She's in her sixties and none of my other siblings are having children (they're waiting for this world to end) and everyday that passes is another day she will never have again.

I am curious about a second route. I was baptized when I was 15 and left when I was 16. Does anyone know of a way to overturn or appeal a disfellowshipping? a baptism? Things are so hazy in my memory from that period in my life, is there a procedure for requesting your disfellowshipping file? Any ideas?

Swan

Honestly, I detest this route. But I dearly love my Mother, and she has truly been simply loving, when she visits, calls us - she is simply a grandmother with her grandson - no witnessing, no interference, nothing.

Bless your heart. I have no suggestions for you, but your words really touched me.

Tammy

nicolaou

This is a heartbreaker. I hope someone has some workable ideas for you but I think you should prepare yourself for what lies ahead. It is almost impossible under 'normal' circumstances to overturn or appealing a disfellowshipping, after 12 years your chances are mighty slim.

As for your suggested "reinstatement and fade away route", well I don't know, sounds like torture to me but we will do almost anything for the ones we love won't we? I wish I had something more positive to offer you.

Please keep posting and let us know what happens.

Love Nic'

iggy_the_fish

I'm sorry to hear of your situation. Seems to me the truth of the situation is that your siblings are behaving like grade A $h*ts, but you can't choose your family right?

Your mother sounds like mine in some ways, when you said

she has truly been simply loving, when she visits, calls us - she is simply a grandmother with her grandson - no witnessing, no interference, nothing

except that in my case, I was never baptised, so she is spared the pressure and blackmail. I hate to think of the mental anguish she would have gone through, if she had been under pressure not to see me or my son, if I had been baptised and then left. She loves her grandchild (and me too, I think!) dearly and it would break her heart not to see us.

My only practical suggestion is that she engages in a bit of subterfuge. Maybe it would be possible that she continues to call you and visit you, but that she says nothing about it to your siblings. If she were asked, maybe she could say nothing, or make it clear to them that what she did in her own time was none of their business. If you could convince her that an unfair rule was being imposed on her, maybe she could break it without messing with her mind too much. After all, you're no threat to her "spirituality", if you see what I mean, right? Maybe she could consider spending time with her grandchild "necessary family business". Then she could see you all with a clean conscience, and also tell the rest of the family/congregation to butt out, or not tell them anything at all.

Good luck with however you decide to work it,

ig.

garybuss

I wouldn't let an active believing Witness within 100 miles of my kids. I allowed my Witness parents access to my sons and two of my sons became Witnesses. THEN my sons AND the Witness parents shunned me.

funes

Thank you guys, I accidentally posted this question twice ...

but it's clear that reinstatement isn't the path to take. Gary, your post was the nail in the coffin - I'm so sorry.

Given how shrouded in secrecy this organization is I am going to write Brooklyn and see what shakes out. Does anyone know what department to write to request your records?

sandy

<div>I really don't know what to say but I definitely feel for you.

Is your mother open-minded? Is she capable of keeping the visits secret? It is so sad and frustrating that this is such a problem. You are no alone and hope you find others in like situations that can be of help to you.</div>

greendawn

I personally can't see why you should stress yourself out so much, compromise your dignity and beg these worthless people for anything, if your mother wants to see her grandchild then she just ignores what her other children tell her.

reagan_oconnor

My heart goes out to you... I was DFed at 18, reinstated at 19 and never attended another meeting after my reinstatement announcement. I moved an hour north and have spent the past 10+ years deprogramming.

TBH, it didn't make any difference. About 1 1/2 years after my husband and I were married, my mother sent me a letter telling me that she could no longer associate with us. Two years later, with her brother dying of cancer and me 9 months pregnant with the first grandchild, she asked to reconcile. I told her that I would welcome her into our lives, but added in no uncertain terms that she needed to accept that we are not JWs, we will not be raising our son as a JW, and that she must accept and respect that choice, as we will respect them in return. That was acceptable to her. We visited them several times, attended my sister's JW wedding, etc.

Until last Thanksgiving, when she sent me an e-mail telling me that she no longer felt comfortable associating with us.

I've decided that's it. I will not subject myself, my husband or my son to spiritual blackmail and the constant wondering, "when will she change her mind yet again?" Notice, not IF, but WHEN.

I just wonder if it's really worth subjecting yourself to the poison... for what? So that your child can be exposed to a crazy religion? Granted, your mom might not be nuts (mine is) but she's obviously not strong enough to stand up to your siblings and tell them that it's up to her to decide to have a relationship with you... do you really want to deal with that?

I hope that everything turns out OK for you... I'm sure it's a tough decision to make, just remember... what's in your child's best interests? Good luck.

Honesty

I would ask her if she loves you and her grandchild. If she says, "Yes" then I would explain how Jesus loved everyone past, present and future and He never shunned anyone because of their spiritual beliefs. Let her make the decison. You don't need the mental anguish of the apostate WTBTS in your face.

My Mother

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