I'm in a Piss-and-Vinegar mood this eve, so ignore what I'm about to say:
Tell your Mom, as calmly as you can, that *SHE* has to choose: Either:
(A) A normal, "happifying" relation ship between child, mother, and grandmother, where familial love is a wonderful bond and the "family values" espoused by most branches of Christianity (including JWs) are enjoyed
or
(B) A destructive, unnatural, unchristian relationship whereby she shuns you simply because you believe differently.
It is interesting to note that in the past the WTS published a story where someone became a JW and was shunned by their Catholic family; the WTS implied (correctly) that this is an unloving act, and demonstrates a fundammentally unloving religion. Put the shoe on the other foot, WTS. It fits you perfectly.
My Mother
by funes 16 Replies latest jw friends
-
Quotes
-
Golden Girl
Do the Catholics still do that? Shun people?..I forget what they called it..excommunicated?
I never hear of it anymore. They must have got 'New Light" too.
As far as being in a different congregation. My girlfriend was disfellowshipped here but later moved to California. Many years past and she decided to get reinstated so she could find a husband..
They allowed her to do that but she had moved to another state. I don't know what they would do if you were still in the same area.
Snoozy...
ps..If your brother lives at the Watchtower Farm..I bet he knows my JW Sister and brother in law. They were always having the guys from the farm over to their house. -
dh
How a person treats a df'd person is open to a massive amount of interpretation... 'Necessary family business' is enough. & if your mom really wanted to see you, she can, and doesn't have to tell any other JW, and if any other JW finds out, she can tell them 'it was necessary family business'... and if they ask what business, she can tell them 'it is a private family that is none of their business'
This is what my mother always said, and my dad who is an elder still see's my brother who is df'd, although he might not go and talk about it to other JW's, what you do in your own time is up to your conscience, and the way any real parent should see it simple... Seeing their child is in point of fact 'necessary family business'
I know other elders who see their df'd kids, they may not live with them, but they are still family. It all depends how self righteous the parent is, but she can see you without you going back to la la land, but that's for her to decide if she really wants to. If she thinks she won't have a clear conscience if she see's you, how can she expect you to have a clear one by becoming a fake JW again.
So, bottom line is that if she wants to see you, she can, and if she only wants to pressure you to be a JW, she will not look at options like those I've stated.
-
Sunspot
I really feel awful for you. It's a horrendous situation. The WTS is a horrendous religion that delights in shredding up families.When read sad posts like yours, I get really heated and I have to agree with Quotes on this....you have to find it within yourself to give them the ultimatums and don't back down.
Something Sandy said made me recall an incident in our family. My super-fine-elderette-pioneer-cold-hearted oldest daughter had been doing something very two-faced for years until one of my nonJWboys told me about it. My oldest son was DFed (he was baptized at 14 and left at 19) and in 1981 when the crackdown on socializing with DAed and DFed ones came out---I sadly co-operated with the WTS. My first grandson was just been born. My son was the Dad. I was heartbroken having to cut off this relationship especially just seeing and holding my new grandbaby! He was about six months old when the WT about this went into effect. We all hurt so bad!!!.
Two of my other sons (never JWs) used to come by regularly, begging me to rethink all this---that my oldest son was devastated by my conduct. They kept this up for a few years until I point blank told them they were wasting their (and my)time. *I* was "pleasing Jehovah! So be it.
It wasn't til many years later was I told that this daughter (who had since moved to FL by that time) was flying back periodically and was arranging to meet this son behind everyone's backs. They get together and spend the evening together and party! Of course *I* was oblivious to it all.
One day one of my sons was so frustrated with me being so WTS-stubborn----he ended up blurting out that ***** had been visiting with them all along so why couldn't *I* lighten up and stop ruining our family!!!!! I was shocked and felt betrayed. All this time I was looking like a stubborn nut case---and *****was playing the sweet loving sister.
I was so rattled and upset, I cried all that night and the meeting was the next morning. I cornered the PO and dragged him into the library telling him what I had been told. I was sobbing and I point blank asked him if *I* was doing it all wrong by being so rigid.
I should mention that EVERYONE in the three neighboring KHs ALL adored my daughter ever since she was small. She began pioneering when she was still in high school and had been on the stage many times at assemblies, with her many studies and experiences. She could do no wrong.
I began to doubt myself at this point. But the PO said tha I had understood it correctly and that unless it was important family business we weren't to simply use it as an excuse to socialize with them. I didn't "run to the elders" to tattle on her, but to see if I had been wrong all that time. I was looking for a loophole but didn't find one.
This same daughter (after I left the WTS) never told me she was dating or seeing someone---and had a big wedding in FL and never sent us an invitation!!! One of my sons had emailed me before the event---because he thought it was pretty crummy for her to act is if hubby and me didn't exist. Talk about a slap in the face! THESE are only a couple of incidents that she has pulled on us---a few I can't even bring myself to talk about on here (yet).
I thought I would be the "bigger" person---and I sent a post-wedding present to them, something that I wished I had kept for myself. (Clear Crystal blue lovebirds about three inches tall---and a beautiful card that I carefully chose to make sure that it was "theocratic" enough) She finall called to thank me a few weeks later and when I asked why we hadn't been even sent a invitaton----she said because she didn't think we'd be "able to be there". (I've gotten invites from MANY folks from all over the country---just a common courtesy she never thought of I guess)
I had two strokes and a heart attack in August two years ago. She was always flyng or driving to NY for all kinds of non-reasons, yet it took her 3 1/2 months to acknowledge that she had gotten the messages on her machine. Such love and concern. So she then calls my son to announce when when is flying up and what flight time, etc. Never called HERE though.
When she got to town---she called here all chirpy and sweet asking how I was...and hubby told her she was not welcome here any more. (WE had also discovered some nasty things she had done through my other kids who had all had enough of her by this time) I truly didn't want her around. I was supposed to remain calm and not let things bother me. I knew I wouldn't be able to remain calm and have here waltz in here all full of her phony idea of "love". She has called one son who is close to us---how "bad" was ---was my mind affected, etc. It wasn't concern on her part but I can't elaborate. I WISH I could!!!
So.........you see the mindset of hard-core JWs and what they can do? Sneakiness is their trademark and deception is their way. Don't even try to figure out how to work around them---just run the other way!! Build your own life away from their influence and twisted reasoning.
Best wishes and big hugs,
Annie
-
IT Support
Quotes,
It is interesting to note that in the past the WTS published a story where someone became a JW and was shunned by their Catholic family; the WTS implied (correctly) that this is an unloving act, and demonstrates a fundammentally unloving religion. Put the shoe on the other foot, WTS. It fits you perfectly.
Is this the WT quote you were thinking of?
*** yb88 p. 100 Ireland ***
However, the antipathy toward Jehovah’s people and the resistance to their work was still deep-seated. Later that same year in a local Limerick newspaper, the following appeal was made to Catholic readers:
"We appeal most earnestly to any person who may be accosted by representatives of the Society [Jehovah’s Witnesses] to have nothing to do with their propaganda and to refuse firmly to enter into any discussions with them. Any copies of their publications which readers may have acquired should be destroyed immediately. So strongly does the Church wish us to shun their evil doctrines that any Catholic who reads publications of the Society leaves himself open to excommunication. Ireland’s heritage of Faith, retained through centuries of persecution, is not to be bartered for a mess of Brooklyn pottage." -
love11
Your story is a wonderful example of unconditional love that you have toward your mother. If they only knew.
I believe to get reinstated you are going to have to go to meetings regularly until you are trusted and let back in. After that, then you can start a gradual fade. It may take months or years, depending on how stubborn they are. Just make sure that when you are reinstated that you sit in the back still and don't talk to alot of people. Don't become popular in other words. Out of sight out of mind. IMO
-
Quotes
IT Support; I don't think that is the one I'm thinking of, but it is a pretty good one too!