With me it's not really looking for reasons to dislike but rather reasons why it can't be truth. And what I've seen so far, I don't really have to look hard.
Do you "now" look for more reasons to dislike or hate the JW's?
by free2beme 32 Replies latest jw friends
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crazyblondeb
I've been consumed by anger and resentment for many years. I have forgiven my stepdad for what he did to me. But not forgotten. I am pissed because I felt like many years were wasted. I could easily play the "what if" game. But I learned not to do that. I am outraged at their handling of sexual abuse. Those in my congregation, including my mother, looked away. Then later had the nerve to accuse me (age 12-17) of trying to seduce my stepdad by "wearing shorts (long ones), wearing a swim suit (we had an indoor pool, & my swim suit was more than modest)".
I've been told my problem "isn't with Jehovah, but with a person". Excuse me, is there something wrong with this pic? Also told to "wait on Jehovah". Been waiting----------------------he's still a member in good standing with priviledges.
OK, sorry I got started on that.
oh-HAPPY DAD's day to all ya'll!!!
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Quentin
I was raised in the truth too, been gone for thirty years. It took a long time and the love of my wife to release me from any doubts that I had made the right decision. However, here's the but. The experience of being a Jehovah's Witness you will carry to your grave. It's like an oily residue you can't wash away. That residue is resentment. That resentment is from having been betrayed. Read anyone's story on this board and one common thread runs through them all. Good people, many of whom only wanted simple answers to simple questions, hurting people, confused people, people who had been abused and molested turned to Gods loving organization for help. That's when the betrayal came, there was no help, no loving brothers, no loving sisters, just a room full of cold hearted men whose only desire was to make you submit, or get you gone.
In the end you are alone; no one stands with you. There are those on this board who are fresh from that experience, others who are living it now and those such as myself who have been long gone from it. None of us will forget, some will never forgive, the malignant evil thing called The Watchtower Bible and Tract Society. Gods loving organization that breaks people and shatters lives. What a cruel joke. You don't have to hate rats, all you need to know is they gotta go.
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patio34
Hi Free2beme, Welcome to the board! Your post states:
I have noticed from reading over this site and from having contact with former Witnesses in my personal life, that a lot of time is consumed in the beginning of your exit from the Witnesses, with finding further reasons to hate or dislike the Jehovah's Witnesses.
That's not the correct way of putting it for many, if not most, of ex-JWs. The "researching" of JWs is merely to find out the truth about the organization.
With this I was wondering, is this done to give yourself more reason not to return or is it an expression of your freedom to find out what you want without borders. From a pure psychological stand-point, I am prone to wonder if it is a means of feeding an inner anger to bring one a faults sense of security, when they are challenged from within to decide if what they are really dealing with is correct thinking or a path that is truly wrong.
Poppycock, imo. It was done to become more informed and intelligent.
Who hasn't at times wondered when things like natural disasters, wars or personal tragedy, happen in life, "are the Jehovah's Witnesses actually right!" What I wonder though, is it sound in mind to replace these doubts with something that makes us angry. For example, we hear about 9/11 and wonder if this is the end, even if only for a split second of time (happens, I can face that), does my mind benefit to instantly remember, "But those Witnesses have covered up child abuse" or "They have changed their beliefs to control their people?"
Anyone of us who have learned enough about the earth & humans' history understands why disasters, etc. happen. Completely understandable and has been going on, to one degree or another, since the earth began.
In any sense it seems to me, personally, that healing does not mean that we pile anger upon confusion to solve a problem and to do so can only replace our lives with a path of extreme unhealthy confusion, when in many ways we were looking at some form of loving path in the past (faults as it may have been). I just sit and wonder, with all the years that have passed by since my exit, how much of those ups and downs were filled with thoughts of anger about items I search for after the exit and how much was really the reason I left for.
This statement is completely out of my realm of consciousness. I guess some may go thru that, but none that I know of.
I guess what I am trying to say, and I am perhaps saying it wrong, is that we all left or were expelled for a reason. If that reason was so weak that we had to look for something later to make it more solid, then are we truly being true to ourselves about what life has brought us to or are we merely just making it up as we go along to make ourselves feel better about something we really do not truly believe. Yet we spoon feed ourselves enough daily to keep the faith in doubt alive. In any sense, it was something I was thinking about and wanted to see some input on. As I am sure such a statement can create several avenues of thinking, and perhaps an insight I have not thought of. In all though, to say my thinking on this matter is limited to a few paragraphs and not more detailed in completion, would be incorrect and narrow and aspect.
You seem to presume a lot in this statement. In my case, the leaving was for intellectual reasons, because I couldn't continue to get myself to believe in an ancient myth any longer.
With respect, I would suggest you broaden out your base of information and quit painting so many with a broad brush.
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Frog
Interesting angle you are coming from free2beme, I believe this is something most self-analysing ex-dubs would have pondered at some stage, I know I most certainly have. In the interest of being fully honest with yourself about your motivation for moving on with you life it is necessary to know that you aren't just placing one crux with another. Your ponderings remind me so much of myself a little while back.
The fact of the matter for me when I left the org was that the scales had slowly been starting to tip against the favour of a jw-life. The truth is that leaving the org isn't an easy thing. I know that people who remain in the org believe that those of us are just too weak, and not pure of heart enough to be shown Jehovah's favour, and this is why we have left. This is of course far from the truth. For humans who try to do almost anything to avoid pain, the easy way out (in the short-term) would be to remain in the org, so we can keep our peace of mind, and our loved ones. Rather than being a show of weakness, our leaving the org is a tremendous sign of stength, courage, conviction and truth. For me when the balance started to tip to 51%world/49%"world" I begain to feel the necessity to make a move. It was the most frightening experience to realise that your entire belief system has now become outdated for you.
So naturally after we leave the org, with the many years of indoctrination, and that fact that when we leave we are perhaps only 51% in favour of "the world", there will always be a hangover of JW doctrine, and beliefs that stay with us for a while. So we are forced to go through the process of deciding one by one how we feel about each of those ingrained beliefs, weigh up all the old information and input new information that we would never have allowed ourselves to do on the inside. This is a long process to go through, but until you do it this way you will remain to assimilate with previous teachings and beliefs which are programmed into you. I don't believe that these automated responses are in any way a sign of a "bible trained conscience", they are the result of indoctrinated fear.
Froglett xx
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garybuss
When I left I excused them and tried to avoid conflict for the first 18 years.
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doofdaddy
Your comments didn't resonate with me at all.
When I stopped attending, I moved very quickly forward. I never held back from telling others I had been a jw. When disasters happened, jws didn't even come to mind, sorry. Sep the 11th I just felt sorry for the people who were killed and injured.
I have formed new beliefs that I'm sure will continue to expand. Finding this site has given me a good laugh mostly, as all have had the same experience no matter where on the planet. I find that fascinating, a common language if you like. There's a positive from homogenised religion!
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Whiskeyjack
NO! To answer your question.
For me it was the learning opportunity that started me lurking on this site and still makes me stay. I was surprised about how little I knew about the history of "my" old organization. I may use some of the information I've learned as ammunition in my occasional debates with my folks who are still in. I don't feel any hatred but disgust with their leadership and their collective actions over the decades. As a former management major at school, I'm interested in the organizational experiences related by others on the board as well.
It's hard to explain the residual effects (social, developmental, emotional, financial, etc...) to "worldy" people and it's great to converse with members of our unique community (even if it means a lot of typing!) all over the world. Most people post for a few months and "move on" while others have formed the backbone of this online community trying to provide 24/7 help to many people in need. I respect their efforts greatly (and I don't respect much!).
Message "boarding" is still a novelty for me and the number of intelligent, compassionate and funny people has impressed me greatly so I hang around (though I try to ration my time now!).
W.
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Markfromcali
we all left or were expelled for a reason.
Actually this isn't true of everybody. As I've said before in passing, (I'm not a story or experience guy) I essentially left due to what you might call an existential incompatibility. That may sound like a reason, but it's not really. It isn't as if I had this specific thought in my mind, it just got to be too much and I simply realized I can't do this anymore, so in spite of the fact that I still believed it all at that point I just walked away.
I mention this because it opens up to more than just a way of thinking. For example, I don't really care about anybody's position and opinion on the JWs, I really don't. I also don't care if they consider themselves a JW or apostate or whatever. But that doesn't mean I don't care about people, I just don't care about those things that they consider so important and identify with. (I'm sure there are some who wouldn't like that, even if I do actually care about them - just not what they're wrapped up with) So basically, reasons, whatever they are or whatever they are for, are not that significant to me. I'm not concerned about one's position on the JWs because if your mind is free, you will naturally not be so stuck.
Now having said that, I would have to say from the same perspective it is also not all that significant to psychoanalyze the whole thing. Maybe you might gain an insight or two in that process, but to me the bottom line is you are either free of your mind or not, the insights just mean you are a bit more skillful. What I'd like to see is people actually being free, rather than just being psychologically well adjusted, and only with particular issues at that. Those who know where I'm coming from might consider it a goal that's hard to reach, but I say why shoot for anything else?
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kazar
Quentin and Frog
I concur with both of your posts. You took the thoughts right out of my head.