Funeral arrangements - What would you do?

by pratt1 16 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  Netty

  Although I feel firmly in my beliefs it really bothers me that in her mind, it is okay to ignore my final requests, but it is not okay to ignore hers.

  I agree with you, for some reason witnesses think they have a right to do this to you.

  I like the idea Blondie has, and actually have seen it done here once or twice.

  In the end, your mother really wont know WHAT you do, or dont do for her when she passes away, right? So maybe the whole conversation with her about this is just causing unnecessary tension.
• 

  undercover

  It kills me that JWs can not respect other peoples wishes because it's against WTS policy, but they expect everyone to respect their religion and their wishes.

  But having a lot of family in as JWs and some not, if I was expected to arrange a funeral, I would have it in the funeral home chapel. It's not a church. Most JWs will attend funerals there. I've had non JW family funerals well attended by JWs when held at the funeral home.

  The thing for me is I would prefer to not have a WTS scripted talk at either one of my parents funeral. I'd rather it be a celebrationg and remembrance of their life. History of their life, people close to them to speak, details that you never get at a JW funeral, no resurrection-WT propaganda talk. Then I'd want non-traditional funeral music...I'd want their favorite music played, the music they fell in love with, married to, music that reminds us of them, not church music, not JW music. But since they are diehard JWs(no pun intended), I'm sure we'll have to have the mandatory JW funeral. Since that's their wishes they will be carried out as they prescribe.

  I personnally want a lone bagpiper, standing on the knoll overlooking the family plots to play Amazing Grace as they sprinkle my ashes over the rest of the family graves. How many JWs would approve of that, you reckon? And would my JW family respect my wishes enough to carry it out?
• 

  Balsam

  Pratt1,

  I know of a witness woman who's son had a church funeral for her when she died. The KH had a memorial service of their own for her, and all her witness friends attended the KH one. So their was two separate services for her.

  Balsam
• 

  AK - Jeff

  Then there are those who die 'in Limbo' so to speak.

  My Mother believed the witness faith since the 50's. But she was inactive. She never attended any other church, and although we never had the conversation, I am sure she would have liked to have had a witness funeral.

  However, the whole matter was taken out of my hands when she died, in the sense that the miserable bastards at the KH did not even acknowledge her death at all! Not one flower was sent, not one card, not one call. NO witnesses came to the Funeral Home but two. And that was because I made special requests for them to come. All the rest stayed away due to my mother's inactivity or my so called 'apostasy'.

  These self righteous bastards are even willing to 'shun' the dead for God's sake! Of course, since she had not told me her wishes, I would not have consented to a witness recruitment talk anyway. But the cruelty still shakes me to the core. She gave them her mind for life. They pulled down their pants and gave her their asses in thanx!!!

  Jeff
• 

  TresHappy

  Please God, when I die don't let those people grieve for me in a Kingdom Hall!
• 

  MidwichCuckoo

  Personally I would (and will) respect the wishes of the deceased. It is the last request they can make. Upon death we have paid for our sins (as JW agree), so whatever 'service' follows, I believe, is unimportant to God.
• 

  cruzanheart

  Well, I've buried both of my JW parents in the past three years, and this is what I did:

  My dad committed suicide in 2003, mostly due to the harsh treatment meted out to him by the elders in his congregation. An elder called to offer sympathy the day Dad's body was found, and I told him off in no uncertain terms and made it clear that NO elders were welcome at the funeral. We held a memorial service at Dad's retirement home, because it was full of people who genuinely cared about him and some of them wouldn't have been able to get to another location. I invited all who wanted to say something about Dad to come up and speak, which mortally offended the elder friend (old friend from another congregation) who had agreed to speak. He also choked on the idea that we didn't want him using the Society's outline for an infomercial but just wanted a brief 10 minutes explaining Dad's beliefs, which we thought was respectful and appropriate. We had another friend do it who didn't have the same organizational concerns as the elder. It was a beautiful tribute to Dad. A few Witnesses showed up without an invitation and quite a few of them left in a huff when they found out that one of the residents was going to start the service by singing "Amazing Grace." Oh, the scandal! I think they're still talking about that in South Dallas.

  So when my mom passed away in February 2005, after suffering from Alzheimer's for about 10 years, there was no way I was having anything public. We had a private graveside service with only two families invited (both JW's, one almost out and the other was the elder who pitched a fit about Dad's service -- we've made up since then because our relationship as friends is very important to all of us) and each of us stood up and told a favorite story about Mom. No prayer, just reminiscences, and then we all went to Mom's favorite Greek restaurant, raised a glass in her honor, and ate a meal. The hospice chaplain attended also and said a few words -- it was really kind of him to come.

  I found out that a couple of the South Dallas elders were trying to find out when the "service" was, probably in an effort to crash it and get more gossip. A**holes. The funeral director was kind and told everyone who called that it was a private service. And since I was so rude as to not invite the curious masses, I did not get one sympathy card or flower from any of them.

  As to whether Mom and Dad would have approved of their funerals -- I don't know. I like to think that Mom, who hated hypocrisy, would have approved of a small service that memorialized her life done by people who really and truly liked her. Dad would have liked all the attention, good and bad.

  Both services satisfied the living: me, my husband, and our children, and in the end that's what counts.

  Nina