by Chia 16 Replies latest jw friends
how long has he been doing this chia..attacking you
maybe if it is a recent thing he is lashing out at the thought of you leaving because he knows you have been a support for him and thinks you will not want to see him after you move
maybe if you told him that you are moving home not deserting him then he might respond
hope the move goes ok regardless
ian
Everyone raises good points, but my suggestion is to drop him like he's hot.
Why waste YOUR time and YOUR money on someone who isn't thankful, and even insults you!
Live for YOU, he'll work it out eventually...
Wish you luck on your move. Maybe you should ask your brother why he is always saying stuff like that to you and see what he says? Then when you move out you might know what his motives are and whether to keep in contact with him.
Your brother obviously has some issues. Sounds like you've been supportive of him. I think what helps more than anything in these situations is to tell him exactly what's bothering you and why it's upsetting you--the way you've told us. Don't get emotional (easier said than done), but try to help him see it from your point of view. Don't allow yourself to get upset if he doesn't respond--most alchoholics I've known aren't open to other's viewpoints. You think he understands, but he may not. It sounds as if he's so absorbed in his own problems that he might not be considering how his actions affect you. That doesn't mean he doesn't care. If you can somehow help him to see what he's doing, he could very well gain a different perspective and work a little harder.
Also, I've had folks like this who will make comments about the Witnesses almost as a way of convincing themselves. I really wonder if he's saying these things out of spite. Either way, it's your choice whether you keep him in your life or not. You may well be better off to not associate with him. Only you can make that decision. However, I don't think your situation with him will improve until you get some open lines of communication, and that will take some work at this point. You can't be holding your tongue about so many things and have a healthy relationship at the same time. Remember, if you dissassociate him, you'll be losing a brother--that's something you can't replace. If you rebuild your relationship, you will have some heartaches, but you will also have some satisfaction. Good luck.
What if you bought him one last parting gift? The C of C book. Gift wrap it. Tell him it is a going away gift from you to him. just an idea, carla
Haha, Carla, I have CoC at my house. It's laying out there nice and neat for him if he ever chooses to read it.
Some other family stuff has gone down too, and the conclusion I've made is that it's best for me just not to deal with them at all. They were the only reasons I was even remaining a Witness in name only, so this may be the "sign" that it's time to DA myself. I'm not going to leap into anything, it's going to take some thought and patience, that's for sure.
Telling him: "You're not allowed to talk mean to me..." is NOT "picking fights."
Tell him that every single time he digs at you. If he wants to challenge your definition of "mean," don't engage him. Just repeat: "You are not allowed to talk mean to me" then walk away. He'll get it, hopefully. And if nothing else, you are standing up for yourself in a non-aggressive way.
