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Chia

I'm unable to get online as much as I used to, but I try and get on sometimes during the day.

Last week I posted regarding a situation with my mom. This time I'm having issues with my brother.

I've posted about him before. He's the one going through a difficult situation, my mom kicked him out of the house, and for unknown reasons he quit his job, spiraled into a deep depression, and has borrowed money and my car from me(haven't and probably won't see the money).

We both live with my dad for now, but I'm moving next weekend. My problem is that he keeps saying derogatory things to me. He knows how I feel about the Witnesses and he's fine with my choice, even though he doesn't agree. He feels they have the truth, but he can't live up to their standards (he has an alcohol problem, among other things). I've never disrespected him for feeling like he has to go back to the meetings, I've never said, "That's stupid, why would you want to go back to a cult?" Even though I could and probably should. But even though I've gone out of my way to be respectful and helpful, he says rude things such as, "You can't fault a man for wanting to marry a virgin, there's nothing wrong with wanting to marry someone clean and not someone who's been around the block." And, "I saw (someone we know) today, and he's trying to get back to the meetings. His mom is crying about it and everything. I can't blame her, she doesn't want her son to die at Armageddon."

It just infuriates me that he can make these "digs" at me. I've done so much for him lately, and this is how he treats me. When no one else in the family helped him or talked to him, I gave him money, and this is how I get treated in return? How would you handle someone like that?

Incidentally, I'm leaning toward deciding to cut him off completely once I move. I don't want anyone like that in my life. I can tell, even though he doesn't go to meetings, he's still in the narrow minded JW mold, and those are the worst kinds of Witnesses. The ones who have their own personal demons to battle, but they are suddenly the expert on how you should be living your life. Still, I'm interested in everyone's viewpoint on this.

EvilForce

He digs because you don't defend yourself. LAY INTO HIM. You are not his doormat. You are not subservient to him. You are an adult...an equal...a sibling.

Funny how shitebags like your brother want to marry a virgin yet run around screwing everything that moves beforehand...then tossing them aside. Sick!

You've bit your tongue too long girl. If you don't stand up for yourself NO ONE will. I used to bite my tongues when I was on airplane or in public, or even around family when they would make homosexual digs. Guess what? Not any more. I've made more than a few of these people look silly for the bigots they are.

diamondblue1974

Chia

The sooner you move out the better; there is no reason why you should put up with such behaviour from him no matter what his problems are.

I feel for you

DB74

mrsjones5

It just infuriates me that he can make these "digs" at me. I've done so much for him lately, and this is how he treats me. When no one else in the family helped him or talked to him, I gave him money, and this is how I get treated in return? How would you handle someone like that?

That's why he does it, because he knows it bugs you. When he makes these comments do you respond? If you do, stop. Dont even acknowledge what he says if you know he's doing it just to upset you. When you move if you have to encounter your brother be cordial and keep him at arm's length. If he asks what's wrong, say nothing or switch the topic to something else. I guess what I'm trying to say is youre letting him control you, you take back the control about how he is to treat you. Accept nothing less than respect.

Josie

Billygoat

I agree. Stand up for yourself. Set boundaries. But know one thing: when you help someone out, do it because you want to. Don't do it because you'll get a grateful response...most times you won't. So you've given him money. Just count it as a loss. But you've learned your lesson. Don't give it to him again until he's paid you back. It's HIS life. Let HIM take responsibility for it.

I'm sorry things are tough. Family situations really are the worst aren't they?

(((((hugs)))))

Andi

Chia

He digs because you don't defend yourself. LAY INTO HIM. You are not his doormat. You are not subservient to him. You are an adult...an equal...a sibling.

Once again, EF, thank you...

I never respond to him when he says stuff like that. He has to know that those things bother me. It would be as if I said something to him like, "The worst thing in the world is a sloppy drunk who quits his well-paying job and borrows money from his sister and doesn't return it. Obviously a person like that is a loser that no one at all has any need for." I want to say something to him, but we're in my dad's house and I don't want to make trouble for my father. I'm not about to pick fights at his place. Since I'm moving in a week, I think I should just go and cut him off. But part of me does want to let him know that I don't appreciate his disrespect. And also that I want my f'n money back!

Narkissos

Sorry to hear that, Chia.

I agree with the other posters that you don't have to tolerate it. You deserve respect.

On the other hand, a religious / moralising stance is an easy (too easy) palliative for a personal lack of self-esteem. This will only make a person worse in the long run, but on the moment it gives the illusion that stepping on this platform he is better than you (and than himself).

Ellie

Yeah I agree, you should stand up for yourself, let him know that you don't class him as perfect either.

I wouldn't cut him off completely though, let him know you will be there for him if and when he gets over his issues.

Chia

It's HIS life. Let HIM take responsibility for it.

Today I bought food for myself and didn't ask him if he wanted any. I've never done that before. I felt guilty, and at the same time it felt good. It isn't my problem that he took a lower paying job for no good reason. They loved him at his job, and he could've availed himself of the treatment programs they have for alcoholism. But he chose to run away. Maybe he has to hit rock bottom.

I'm sorry things are tough. ; Family situations really are the worst aren't they?

You've got that right. Thanks, Andi.

blondie

Chia, I would check into an Al-Anon group (for family members of alcoholics). I grew up in an alcoholic family and was always taking care of everyone. They can help you learn to be strong and learn what will really help him, and you.

Love, Blondie

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