Ive read COC and ISOCF and they destroyed my faith in the society and faith in man. Ive officially gone inactive in the last 2 months. Ive had several email conversations with Ray Franz that have also made me more convinced that I could never be an active JW again. My inactivity and comments here and there have gotten my wife having doubts also. Her meeting attendance and hours in the ministry have dropped to almost nothing also. I still cant get her to read CoC which i know would kill her faith. We have a son starting kindergarden this year and now im faced with what to tell the teachers. My wife and I havent talked about this yet but its coming to a head very soon because enrollement is this month. I still have feeling of hopelessness and the feelings of "what is my purpose?" I know that shes having major guilt at the same time. The problem is when I try to visit with her about whats going on with our faith and our feelings she pretty much starts crying and shuts down. We are in the same situation of having lots of family on both sides who are active witnesses. I was looking around a while ago and came across a video series by steve hassan called releasing the bonds. Does anyone have a review of this series and is it worth 150 dollars!!!! What about a video called "in the name of Jehovah" has anyone seen this and if I could get my wife to watch it with me would it help our situation and make it easier to bear? Does anyone have any other recommendations for Videos, DVD or books that may make things easier. I feel like I lost all purpose in life. I have been helped alot by a profesional counselor but my wife hasnt taken that step yet. Even though the counselor has helped I still feel i have a big void in my life and my biggest concern is my son and how to raise him. I told my mom last night that i want to go inactive and that my conscience wont allow me to preach things to others that I know to be false 1914 ect. She was already asking how i felt about holidays and stuff. I just told her I havent considered them but that obviously i know that Chrismas wasnt Christs birthday. Overall my mom seemed to take it ok and she just said a couple of times I wish I knew what to say, I wish i knew what to say. She then went on to say that when it comes to the apostles they were also confused and came to better understanding of things over time so likewise we have done the same thing. I told her the only reason she says that is because the society uses that excuse over and over and that I had used it many times myself but when it comes down to it The apostles didnt pick dates and false prophecy. She didnt say anything else. Im just feeling really down now more than ever and need some advice. Ive been having doubts for a couple years now but its alot more real now that Ive talked to my mom and I said a bunch of the same things to a couple of people from the cong the other day when they came by to encourage me. I feel they may tell the elders the things I said and come after me. Ive kinda gotten off track from my original post but im looking for a video that my wife and I can get comfort from. Maybe something that has EX elders in it that have moved on with there life and offer hope. I saw a book at walmart called the purple driven life has anyone read this? Thanks in advance.
feelings of hopelessness for wife and I. Any video or book recommendations
by PaNiCAtTaCk 18 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
Odrade
If you can afford to buy the Hassan videos I say go for it. Hassan doesn't really focus on any particular religious group (though he is ex-moonie) but his methods have helped many here, including my husband.
If you don't want to pay the $150 for the Releasing the Bonds DVD, do at least try to get the book. At the very least it will help you identify what you are going through, and help you move on to the next steps. -
Scully
It's a very stressful time for your family right now. I wouldn't push your wife to read anything that she isn't ready to read. CoC and ISoCF might be too scary for her just yet. Instead, try another approach that doesn't directly attack JWs or the WTS. Some good books that might not be so scary to her at this point are:
- Tired of Trying to Measure Up - by Jeff vanVonderen
- The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse - by David Johnson & Jeff vanVonderen
- When God Becomes a Drug - by Leo Booth
These three books in particular helped me to recognize that I had been manipulated and mentally abused by a belief system. They helped me to break down the walls that the WTS had built in my mind, by showing me that all abusive belief systems use the same techniques. Once I had established this in my mind and heart, it was so much easier to venture into "apostate" territory.
We have a son starting kindergarden this year and now im faced with what to tell the teachers. My wife and I havent talked about this yet but its coming to a head very soon because enrollement is this month.
In all honesty, you don't have to tell the teachers anything. If you aren't clear on what your beliefs and practices are going to be by the time your son starts school, there's no reason to get into the subject with teachers. If you're uncomfortable with observing holidays, you can opt to have him stay home when the time comes. But don't stress about this just yet... spend your energy and time nurturing your relationship with your wife and figuring out together how you want to deal with the things you've been learning about.
-
hubert
Another good book to read is "Captives of a Concept, by Don Cameron. You could read this, while your wife is reading the books recomended by Scully. Then after that, you could go over it with your wife.It's downloadable from www.lulu.com , for only 5 bucks. or, you can buy the book for around 15 bucks, and have it mailed to you. It's only 147 pages, but PROVES that the Watchtower publishing company is NOT the "Faithful and Discreet Slave Class".
I found it very enlightening. editted to add: Let your son enjoy his kindergarten. It isn't going to hurt him to participate in holiday activities. He's only 5. You'll be glad later, that you did.
Hubert
-
GetBusyLiving
Hey Panic, man its a tough place where you are at. Sounds so much like myself a year ago. All I can really say is that time helps. Post on here lots if you can, and read, read, read, every and ANYTHING. Ask yourself: Would a loving God allow you time to figure out what you believe in? That might help you get over any armageddon nervousness.
Read all of James Thomas' posts too. It'll help, gauranteed.
GBL
-
homesteader
sorry to hear about the loss that you and your family are going through. this is a big loss, i would say comparable to someone dying. take time to grieve and heal. sounds like your mother is doing her best to support and understand. one of your purposes is to be a loving husband and father to your wife and son, to guide, provide for and protect them. sounds like you are already doing that by protecting them from an organization that is harmful because of it's deciet and lies. another purpose at this time is to get out of heal the wounds of the org. only then will you be able to see further purpose in life and that takes time. i've read The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren and found it very helpful. The first section of the book is excellent, but halfway through it does push belonging to a religion, not something i feel comfortable with and don't think you will be ready for in the near future. instead of 40 days it took me one year to read and process. when i read his thoughts about belonging to a church I tried not to judge what he says, but yet affirmed myself that it wasn't for me at this time in my life.
give your wife time and space to heal in her own way. try to share what you are feeling as best you can. sometimes, just an "I'm sorry your feeling angry, lost, forlorn, hopeless" can help. Not that you are responsible for those feelings nor need to fix them, it's just a way to acknowledge her feelings. Maybe you can think of some interests that you set aside for the organization that you can begin doing together. Enjoy the life God has given you and have some fun together as a family. Run, play, swim, laugh, hike, shop, go out to dinner, the library, movies, the zoo. Everywhere you go look at the postive in people, situations, say hello to people, introduce yourself and smile. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
-
Sunspot
I certainly feel for you. It's a real tough task to make these decisions. When I was in this predicament and was "almost" out but was so frightened at the prospect of just chucking 30 years of friendships and the lifestyle I had becme accustomed---someone sent me some tapes to keep.One was WITNESSES AT YOUR DOOR and the other was WITNESSES OF JEHOVAH......
I'd be happy to send them to you if you'd PM me with your mailing address. It would have to wait until I can get out to get blank tapes to copy them on.....but it's a start.....
Does anyone know who made these tapes? Its been a long time since I watched them and they are put away right now...but I know where they are (which is good for me!) I can just about get to the point of the lady's name and then a senior moment sets in....
Just remember----when the WTS sas not to view or read anything that puts them in a bad light, or if it can "destroy your faith"...what they mean is...that reading or seeing these things can destroy your faith---in the WTS. Your "trust" in them melts like an ice cube in hot coffee. Your faith in God never goes anywhere unless you want it to! They ARE NOT EQUAL TO GOD although they like to think so and want YOU to think so too!
What Scully said about the school business is great advice.
Let me know what you decide about the tapes..
hugs,
Annie
-
sf
{{ warm hugs for ALL of your family }}
Would she watch "Witnesses of Jehovah" DVD, now available through Netflix, do you think?
I'm really wishing you all well. Especially your son. Breaking those Chains that bind YOU at HIS early age will, hopefully, mean years of true, nurturing love for HIM.
I get so hopeful inside when I hear this...that an innocent child will not have to live the Watchtower Life. So much will be spared that wasn't for so many of us.
Just keep soul-searching and loving each other.
Do you think also that she would read this forum or any other informative sites?
I'm hoping she will and we will be here to welcome her warmly.
Take good care of yourSELVES.
Sincerely, sKally
___
Father
It’s not time to make a change,
Just relax, take it easy.
You’re still young, that’s your fault,
There’s so much you have to know.
Find a girl, settle down,
If you want you can marry.
Look at me, I am old, but I’m happy.
I was once like you are now, and I know that it’s not easy,
To be calm when you’ve found something going on.
But take your time, think a lot,
Why, think of everything you’ve got.
For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not.
Son
How can I try to explain, when I do he turns away again.
It’s always been the same, same old story.
From the moment I could talk I was ordered to listen.
Now there’s a way and I know that I have to go away.
I know I have to go.
Father
It’s not time to make a change,
Just sit down, take it slowly.
You’re still young, that’s your fault,
There’s so much you have to go through.
Find a girl, settle down,
If you want you can marry.
Look at me, I am old, but I’m happy.
(son-- away away away, I know I have to
Make this decision alone - no)
Son
All the times that I cried, keeping all the things I knew inside,
It’s hard, but it’s harder to ignore it.
If they were right, I’d agree, but it’s them you know not me.
Now there’s a way and I know that I have to go away.
I know I have to go. -
Sunspot
prodigy.net/mschnall/lifton.html
I hope this works-----this was the info that made me break down and cry when I saw it. It summed up all the clever and deceitful ways to lure people in and keep them there! It just tore me up. This said everything that I never realized but were so true. It's not written by an exJW either.
Its a long read, but well worth it. I remember sitting up all by myself, one hot summer night----until the wee hours of the morning as I devoured this info! I KNEW that my JW days were done.
If this link doesn't work---go to google.com and type in Lifton's Criteria.
Annie
-
orangefatcat
My heart goes out to you and your wife, during this trialsome ordeal. You didn't mention how long you've been a witness but I gather it has been quite a while.
I know exactly how you are feeling, I went through this myself in 1999, I had doubts for several years prior to me departure. It started slowly seeing how fellow christians were lacking love towards one another. I have seen people feelings hurt deeply from not being included with other families who were more affluent in their quality of life. They seemed to ignore those of lesser incomes. I watched as peoples lives were shattered because of gossip. Which in many instances were out and out lies. I saw to much in the way of people acting like phonies. Putting on one face at the Kingdom Hall and a different facade outside of the KH. I am not sure if these are some of the things that also trouble you.
Its pretty much a deep feeling of loss when you find that you've been lied to for years with the prophecies in the Bible and the WTS interpetation. Yes the apostles were at times at a lose as to what to do about certain matters, but we are over 2000 years since that time and you'd think that thee WTS would have had an accurate account of prophecies since they have a complete Bible. However we know this isn't the case. The constant changes in dates, in personal and critical health care, traansplants, UN issue, and the exposure of Pedeophiles with in the congregations. And the cover ups and lies are endless. As you delve further into the lies and deciet in the Organization the easier it will be to leave without much hesitation.
The biggest sorrow though will be the lose of friends and perhaps family and that can hurt very deeply depending upon how close your relationship is with them.
Your little fellow is still young enough that by the time you make up your choices he will more than likely adjust. As Scully said, that for now with the holidays you could keep him at home. Whatever way you chose you don't have to lose faith in God.
God is always there, the WTS will make it seem as if you are turning your back on God but your not its the WTS your turning away from and their false teachings.
I suffered physically when I choose to leave, I was literally ill and my heart had pains around it. but it is as your name infers, its called a panic attack. It will pass with each day you learn how much you and your family was brainwashed by the Society. It good that you have spoken to a therapist and I am sure with time your wife will too and maybe the two of you could speak to some one who understands cults.
I wish you and yours the very best at this time and may the God of peace calm your ways as you come to understand the real truth.
with sincere and heartfelt feelings
Orangefatcat