feelings of hopelessness for wife and I. Any video or book recommendations (page 2)

RandomTask

The purpose to your life has been there all along. You don't need something like JW to have a purpose. Over time you will understand this, but be patient, it takes time to figure it all out.

Gill

Hi Panic!

Sorry to hear you're both feeling so bad. A lot of us have been where you are now and we can promise, if you do your research, find out what you need to know it all gets better and better.

You know in Shawshank redemption, where the guy has to crawl through the stinking sewage pipes until he gets out of prison and is free...well, you're still in the sewage pipes! Keep going! Fresh air IS ahead and man it smells good.

Don't give up. Your freedom awaits.

I thought I could NEVER live without JW family. Four years on it bothers us not at all that they have nothing to do with us, (except for my parents).

The worst of it all was four years ago. Try and get counselling for your wife as well. It certainly works.

Good luck to you and keep going! You'll make it but it takes a little time and a hell of a lot of effort!

TheListener

Wow! Panic I really feel for you. From what I can tell, you've made the mental break that the society is right, but your wife hasn't. She feels that something is wrong but isn't sure whether or not its fixable. Perhaps she thinks that by ignoring all the stuff she feels inside she can continue on and be a good witness.

It seems to me that you are at a critical juncture with your wife. Mentally she is on the fence. If she topples to the WT side she could be depressed, emotinally drained and guil-ridden. Basically the FOG that some here have mentioned (Fear, Obligation, Guilt). If, though, she falls on the side of not believing in the society you can make a strong couple and endure the family hardhips together.

You seem to be doing all the right things. My suggestions: Make sure she knows that you love her and will continue to do so regardless of how you both feel religiously. Make sure you somehow let her know that you are not out to kill her belief in God (Jehovah). Divorcing the belief that leaving the WTS is tantamount to leaving the WTS is critical. She must realize that she can worship God wihout the WTS. That, my friend, seems to be the biggest hurdle for many to jump.

Good luck. I'm where you are; maybe not even as far yet. I'm on a multi-year fade myself (as you already know from our previous discussions), and I'd be glad to share information via pm.

Dogpatch

Hi friends, I would suggest any or all of these titles from the Free Minds Store:

http://www.freeminds.org/sales/videos.htm

also on DVD (better) http://www.freeminds.org/sales/dvds.htm

They are like being in a two-hour recovery program and I think even better than Steve's videos, which we sell also.

Randy

http://www.freeminds.org

Recovery from the Watchtower Video Series

The videos below were made in the late 80s or early 90s and represent a form of group therapy, with R. Watters giving a lecture on the subject, and a group of about 60 or more ex-JWs are in the audience and comment afterwards on the discussion at hand, much as in a therapy group. If a Witness is just getting out of the Watchtower, or one who has been out for awhile but has had no interaction with others of like mind, these are the next best thing to joining a therapy group. Some conclude with a longer personal testimony of a JW who embraced Jesus Christ as Savior.

Coming Out of the Watchtower-Why So Difficult? - $15
with R. Watters and John Peiffer. Review of mind control issues among JWs, then audience participation on the struggles they had in leaving the WT. Over 40 ex-JWs include their comments! Also the testimony of a JW in the process of leaving the WT then kidnapped by his relatives! U.S. format. VCO -10 go to DVD version

The Underlying Reasons Why People Become Jehovah's Witnesses - $15
with Randall Watters and Jim and Rebecca McQuestion. What are some pre-determining factors that lead people into religious cults like JWs? Audience participation with many personal experiences. Great! Also testimony of Jim & Rebecca McQuestion. U.S. format only. VUR-10 go to DVD version

Understanding Watchtower Phobias - $15
with Randall Watters. Discussion of the many fears that the Watchtower ingrains in the JW, and the talk is mostly audience participation. Meet many ex-JWs and listen to how they overcame their fears! Good for those anticipating leaving the WT or those whose families are still in it. U.S. format. VWP-10 go to DVD version

Lifton's Eight Points of Mind Control - $15
with Randall Watters. Randy uses the 8 identifying marks of mind control as defined by Robert Lifton in his Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism and applies them to the WT in active discussion with many former JWs. U.S. format only. VLif-10 go to DVD version

Learning the Techniques of Exit-Counseling with Steven Hassan - $150 (seven 1 1/2 - 2 hour videocassettes) A special class taught by Steven Hassan on March 23-25, 1990 for those who desired a greater foundation in reaching out to those caught up in the cults. The emphasis was placed on learning how to do an intervention (exit-counseling), the modern alternative to deprogramming.
This three-day class was limited to family members of those in cults and professionals who already work in the area of counseling and mind control groups. Special emphasis was placed on Bible-based cults such as Jehovah's Witnesses, The Way International, Boston Church of Christ, etc. more info VHassan-70

joanne_

Hi Panic....dont despair, it will all shake out....just ride it out and dont worry. you will find that time heals, and you will find that its not so bad 'in the world'. dont try and rush yourself or your wife. and be there for your wife, love her and support her as she goes through all the feelings she goes through. and one thing i remembered for myself through all this, is that God is a God of love...he knows us and understands us better than any man or society on earth....and he will always be with you no matter what...just tell him you love him but you cannot belong to a society that does the things it does...be honest with God. and you will find the peace you are looking for...

wishing you all the best...

joanne

jomac

If you will take a few seconds to email a request for it to me I will email back to you some things that help JWs and exJWs to stay clear of the Watchtower Society that dictates beliefs to JWs. Just ask for the material at [email protected]. It won't cost a cent and is definitely helpful for these situations. Ditto for any other readers here.

patio34

Hi Panic,

My heart goes out to you. It seems scary, but it gets better and better as you get stronger. I think mostly we all felt that way to one degree or another. It's a matter of attitude. You've been programmed by them repeatedly that things are terrible on the "outside." It takes time to shrug off the web of doom they've put on you. A friend left Narcotics Anonymous and had the same sort of feelings, due to their saying things would be terrible for anyone who left. It wasn't and life is better than ever for my friend. He informed himself through books and proved to himself by experience that all wouldn't fall apart.

Thanks SF for the recommendation on Netflix.com--I've moved it to the top of my queue (Witnesses of Jehovah). Thanks Scully and Dogpatch for the book recommendations. I have a son who has shown a bit of curiousity about my leaving and had nothing outside of evolution books to recommend. I'll keep your list.

This thread is a great resource thread that I'm bookmarking and saving.

Panic, just keep putting one foot in front of the other, don't try to solve all the problems at once, and inform yourself slowly but surely. You're looking at all sides of the issue now and it's a sea change for you. Oh! And have you checked out the "Links" section on the forum here for resources? $150 seems a lot to pay for one resource when so much is available that's reasonably priced or even free on the net.

One more thing is to have fun! Enjoy life a bit and not let this get you so down. It'll come in its due time with consistent effort. Go out and PLAY BALL!

Best regards,

Pat

PaNiCAtTaCk

Thanks to everyone who responded. Your comments are really helping during this crisis in our lives.

love2Bworldly

panickattack--just wanted to wish you and your wife well. It takes a while to overcome all the brain-washing, and it can feel quite devastating to have your belief system pulled out from under you. You might consider going to a therapist who specializes in people coming out of cults.

feelings of hopelessness for wife and I. Any video or book recommendations

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