NEWSFLASH:
The BBC is pleased to report that one if the UK's finest mathematics teachers attended a small west country festival this weekend on the back of a legitimate fully paid ticket. No trig tricks were used in the entering or exiting of the site, as other news agencies had suggested.
Miss K Kitten returned home last night after a weekend of dirty frolics and enjoyed a bath and a toilet without queues. Miss Kitten was quoted as saying "I was shaving mud off my fooking legs for 15 minutes". A paramedic spokesperson for the National Health Service confirmed that Miss Kitten suffered only mild blisters and sunburn, but refused to substantiate the rumours of advanced rotting trenchfoot.
When asked which bands she had watched Miss KK replied "bands???....errr.... I thought this was a district assembly...ive been smoking my watchtower all weekend...isnt this the new system?? I watched the Big A happen on thursday. It must have been Armageddon cos the beer tent got hit..."
Several firemen confirmed that they were not required to drain Miss K's tent, but it took them 3 hours, 14 pints of pear cider and a tour of Miss K's body piercing before they were able to confirm that her tent was in fact moored on dry land. Miss K was given a formal warning about the misuse of mobile phones and emergency numbers.
The BBC hopes to be able to bring further updates about this fine British mathematics teacher later on in the week, just as soon as the drugs wear off. Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible. In the meantime please listen to some relaxing melodies by the Killers.