One of those difficult nights, you know the kind?? (page 2)

Frog

True Prophecor on the toxic family thing! Ironically enough my mother bought me a copy of "toxic parents" by I think Susan Forward. She intended it with respects to my father, in an ironic twist of fate it is her that has somehow done me the most damage with her rigid jw ways??!

ithinkisee

Good vibes coming your way ...

-ithinkisee

greendawn

I wish you will soon find new friends in the area you moved in recently so that you will no longer feel that you have to rely on attachments to people that are not functional anyway. I am sure the lapses will cease coming once you develop a new social life.

talesin

10 points for me!

Looking your pain in the face and dealing with it is a good thing. I have always been the one who shows a brave face as well, and it feels good to be able to let my hair down when I need to.

You will get through this, yes you will! The episodes will get less and less frequent, and you will gather more chosen family around you as the years go by. Screaming into the pillow and having a cry is a good thing, you're releasing some very negative emotions. Time and a bit of work will heal.

Hang onto that knowledge that you have made a wise choice in leaving the WT, the rest will come along in time. ((((Frog))))

tal

Es

OHH honey im so sorry you are going through this. I kinda know what your goin through and its hard I am here for you ok just email me or pm whenever you want a chat es

Sassy

Hi Frog, I know how you feel. If you searched through my posts, you'd see days where I was overwhelmed with the loss of my family do to the shunning of when you leave. I miss my mom a great deal. I doubt we'll ever speak again, unless there is a death in the family.

Its hard.. so hard.. Its easy for us to say look forward, rebuilt.. you'll make a new life and new friends. However getting there isn't so easy with the upbrining we have had. You are young though, your chances for creating and awesome life free from the bondage of the WTS I am envious. I didn't get free till I was in my 40s. It's hard starting over with nothing at 40 something..

but you know what??we are goign to make it!! I know you will!!

jeanniebeanz

((((((((((((Froggy)))))))))))

It will pass and you will be so much stronger than you can possibly imagine. It comes in waves. It's been 12 years since my family abandoned me, and although I occasionally get mad thinking about something, I have a much more "yeah, whatever" attitude toward their stupidity.

That is what it is; stupidity. It's not you, your choices, your lack of, well, anything. It is their own stubborn blindness that has made them build these walls between you. The watchtower cannot exist without those walls. They have trained their blind little lambs how to build them on an Instants notice; one single word that indicates you may not agree with something and bam up goes the wall. When you live like that how can you possibly learn to love, what it means to sacrafice for your children and your spouse and your family when in the back of your mind your entire "love" hinges upon blind obedience to a group of delusional old men who claim to know 'god'. A guy on the street says he 'knows god' and he is hauled away to the loonie bin. These guys say it and 6 million witnesses crap themselves trying to please them.

The situation is ludicrious, but very sad. Honestly, I learned more about what love means left these destructive people behind, not while in the organization. Like you, I was the one who always organized the family gatherings, anniversaries, showers, dinners, cards, visits whatever. When there was an issue between people, I would be the mediator. I really did my best to keep things together, and even after they abandoned me I still tried; for years. I finally got sick to death of being treated like human garbage and the entire picture of these silly little mind games that the family was pulling on me became clear. Then I got mad.

Before then, I just "cowgirled up" and took all kinds of crap off of them. And for what? It did no one any good. They wanted to see me fail, and were hoping for it. I overheard my mother say to my father that there was no way I was coming back unless something terrible happened to me and she hoped it would happen soon. My own mother wishing something bad would happen to me. How sick and twisted is that?

Froggy, you don't need people like this in your life, even if it hurts to be alone. I started over with nothing and no one at 33. It was so hard to do. I hated to be alone. I cried, as you put it, buckets of tears. Everything looked so very bleak. But, I went back to school and started taking better care of myself and it just happened over time that I built meaningful relationships with people, found some really good friends, met a good man who became my husband (when I least expected it too) and built a new life. It takes time, but it happens.

With time, the 'relapses' will lessen in intensity if yours follow the same pattern as mine. What are you doing right now to find friends?

Jeannie

tetrapod.sapien

((((frog))))

from what i can tell, you seem stronger than you give yourself credit for.

best to you,

TS

the_classicist

((((((((((frog)))))))))))

You're good people and I hope you pull through times like these more easily as time goes on.

JW83

Frog, just remember that you are grieving, & that this is some tough sh*t you've been through. It will get better over time, & you never know what will happen in the future, but for now it really hurts. That is natural & normal! I remember the night I got a 'goodbye' card from my best friend, I went into my backyard, face down, & chucked a tantrum, crying & beating the ground with my fists! I don't know what my flatmate thought ... Now I feel sad about her sometimes, but y'know, we've all got our own lives to make. The best revenge is happiness & honesty (honesty at least if you can't be happy right now.) ((hugs)) for you

One of those difficult nights, you know the kind??

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