S*its about to hit the fan with my in-laws

by pratt1 36 Replies latest jw experiences

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  pratt1

  Brief History:

  Both my wife and I have faded from the Borg for about 10 years. We still maintain close relationhips with the dubs in our family on both sides.

  My wife's sister has not only faded, but she has become an ordained minster, thus my mother in law calls her an "apostate" and refuses to have any contact with her.

  Her 4 year old daughter will stay with my family for about 2 weeks in August. Since my mother in law has never met her grand daughter, she would like us to bring the child to her house while she is visiting.

  The problem is MY mother in law has never met the child because she refuses to communicate with the child's mother.

  My wife is begining to bow to the pressure of her mother and is now considering bring the child to grandma's and not tell her sister, who is vehemetly against it.

  I feel that this is a huge violation of her sister's trust and I also agree that since grandma refuses to talk with her daughter, then she should not see this child unless the mother is present.

  To make matters worse my mother in law is not above speaking badly about this "apostate" daughter to anyone who listens, including this sisters older children who live nearby with their father.

  My wife and I have always maintained an united front at least in public, even if we dis agree about a situation in private.

  My problem is I am finding this action to be so against my conscience, that I have doubts if I can support my wife' decision if she choses to introduce Grandmother and Granddaughter.

  I've decided to be perfectly honest about my feelings about this matter, and maybe we will just agree to disagree on this, however I would like to encourage my wife against this, if only because I feel she will cause serious damage to her relationship with her sister.

  Also, since I am the in law, I don't want to interfere in their family dynamics, but I just feel that this is wrong.

  Words of wisdom, please?
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  mtbatoon

  I think your right in your concerns and should speak up. Even if you can only let your feelings be known at least you will be there as a piece maker between your wife and her sister if need be. If a parent allows their child to stay with someone then they are putting the ultimate trust in them. You have to respect that trust.
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  Crumpet

  Pratt1 - your gut instinct is absolutely right.

  feel that this is a huge violation of her sister's trust and I also agree that since grandma refuses to talk with her daughter, then she should not see this child unless the mother is present.

  Your wife must not do something with her neice without asking her sister first - especially when its this serious. This isn't like taking her off to buy sweets or something trivial. Your wife is risking her relationship with her sister and her niece by committing this huge breach of trust. Unfortunately if your wife insists on doing this I would be compelled to advise your sister in law if I were in your situation. Hopefully your wife will understand just how wrong this is with further discussion.

  crumpet
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  mrsjones5

  Pratt,

  Youre right. It is the right of your sil to determine who should come in contact with her daughter. Your dear wife doesnt have the right to covertly take her niece to see her mother/grandmother, especially if the grandmother is actively shunning the niece's mother.

  I think your wife wants, for some reason to keep peace with her mother, but if her sister finds out this will blow up in your dear wife's face. Does she really want to take that chance?

  If your mil is pressuring your wife to see the child tell your wife to push it off on the sil, say something like this:

  "I'm sorry Mom but "Sally" wont let me bring little Sally over."

  That way she won't have to feel guilty, she's telling the truth, and she avoids pissing off the sister. Grandma may be upset but if she really wants to see the niece she should contact the mother of the niece and not take the wimp's way out.

  Josie
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  RichieRich

  I think its wrong too.

  Mostly your mother in laws fault. Don't let her manipulate your wife with JW mind games. Help your wife see the right way.
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  iggy_the_fish

  What Crumpet said. The relationship between the sisters would be destroyed if the truth were to come out. And you're going to have to ask a 4 year old child to be in on the deception, to keep a secret from her own mother.

  Good luck reasoning with your wife.

  ig.
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  RichieRich

  And you're going to have to ask a 4 year old child to be in on the deception, to keep a secret from her own mother.

  Yeah... that shouldn't happen until she's at least 12....
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  amen

  I think it is not honest from your wife to do that. The in-laws have to be prohibited to see the child since the refuse to see their own daughter, sorry they have to suffer for following man made rule without any compassion what so ever.

  Christians should always show love.

  How would you wife think of the situation if you tell her that you would talk to the situation to your sister in law?

  amen
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  crazyblondeb

  I totally agree with all those above me. That's an issue of trust. I say let the jw grandma suffer. That's called consequences of our actions. If she wants to see the child bad enough, let her do it thru the correct channels. If not, well, one more family torn apart by "shunning". And it seems, that she's taking that to extreme. If your wife gives in, she's only encouraging the JW's behavior. Like mentioned before, is your wife ready to put family ties at risk, just because the grandma doesn't want to pick up the phone. Plus, the grandma knows this has to be done secretly. Encouraging this behavior will only set her up for more sneeking around.
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  love2Bworldly

  I think it's a bad idea to go against a parent's wishes. The little girl's mother should have the say-so or it could cause a lot of harm to your wife's relationship with her.