by pratt1 36 Replies latest jw experiences
I'm with you on this one. I would have been furious if someone would have sneaked my kids off to jw relatives.How would your wife feel if it was the other way around?
Your wife should come out and ask her sister how she feels; maybe she'd be willing to compromise by having the grandmother see the child at your house. imo the grandmother has no right to see the girl under these circumstances.
I feel that this is a huge violation of her sister's trust and I also agree that since grandma refuses to talk with her daughter, then she should not see this child unless the mother is present.
My $.02...
Since you are the in-law, I would just tell your wife your feelings and do nothing else. Don't let yourself be put into a situation where you must lie, either. If your wife decides to go through with her plan, I would let her know you are not going out of your way to tattle, but if asked you won't lie. (Maybe you'll refuse to answer questions, but not out and out lie. For example, if SIL asks if her child was taken to grandma's, you could say, "I think you should discuss this with mrs. pratt1. Boy that's a nice dress you're wearing!"--change the subject.)
I agree it is a huge violation of her sister's trust. It is also a violation of her right as a parent to decide who her child sees!
I don't think it's right or wrong for the child to see her grandma; I just think it should be totally her parent's decision...not anyone else's.
Personally, I have experienced this breach of trust when my son was a baby. My sister, Sherry wanted to see the baby. I flat out told my mother (who at the time was still kind of behaving herself) that it was a package deal. My sister had completely blown me off and wanted nothing to do with me since I was not coming back to their skrewed up religion. Therefore, she had no right to play with the baby behind my back.
So, what does my mother do? She orchestrated a visit at my child care providers while I was in school. She brought Sherry to the childcare facility to play with my son and then when the childcare provider told me how "happy they were to see him" and that "they played for an hour" I felt sick to my stomach. I literally felt like they had violated me in some way. The relationship with my mother died that day.
Tell your wife that.
If she cares for her sister one wit, she will tell her mom to get a grip and leave her out of this. If she wants to see her grandaughter she will repair the relationship with her daughter not sneak about behind her back. Otherwise, your wife may keep her mother, and lose her sister; for good.
Jean
I agree with Jeannie. I too have had a breach of trust that involved my children and it ain't pretty. This is not the way your wife would like to end her relationship with her sister.
cj
If she cares for her sister one wit, she will tell her mom to get a grip and leave her out of this. If she wants to see her grandaughter she will repair the relationship with her daughter not sneak about behind her back. Otherwise, your wife may keep her mother, and lose her sister; for good.
especially losing her sister and never being able to trust her again.
Jeannie
The mother-in-law should reap what she has sown. She has full control over how she treats her ex-JW daughter.
I know that if I were in your sister-in-law's position, and made it clear that my child was not to be a pawn in the JW games, anyone who violated my wishes with respect to my child's relationships would no longer be welcome in my life.
Your wife has to make a choice: Does she respect her sister's wishes? Does she value her relationship with her stupid mother more than that with her sister, and more important, does she value her integrity?
AlanF
Your mother in law is not entitled to seeing her granddaughter because she has disowned her own daughter.
I would be fuming if I were that child's mother and something like that happened.
I agree with the general consensus and your initial gut feeling.
-ithinkisee
Pratt1,
It's really gonna come down to your decision to tell your wife how you feel about this matter...and even if you consider yourself an inlaw you're still part of the family.
Put yourself in your sister-in-law shoes and think, if I was in her position and my mother treated me like dirt would I want my daughter expose to her dogma and lies.
Encourage your wife to talk with her sister and get permission, for the grandmother to visit her granddaughter.
I wish your family well,
~desbah~
Sometimes, the SH*T just has to hit the fan. Seems like it is time for it to happen. It just burns me up, how the JW's can behave the way they do, so unkind, but then expect that they are "entitled" to something. The grandmother made her bed, and she should sleep in it.
I would not be very happy, if I left my children in someones care, had expressed my wishes about something so serious, and then found out that the caretakers went against my wishes.
You really do need to express your feelings, and let your wife know in no uncertain terms, she has no business taking the child to the grandmothers. Ask your wife if she wants to lose her sisters trust, because that is what will happen.
Perhaps if the grandmother actually suffers the consequences of her own cruel actions, maybe she would learn a lesson, that she has to change her behavior if she wants to see her own grandkid.
Yes, I take this personally, if that's what it sounds like. As it has happened in my own family. My parents made the statement about my disfellowhipped sisters son when he was a baby "I'm not going to bond with him, since he is going to die at Armegeddon". Like I just reminded my father, my sisters son is now 11 years old, and they have aboloutely no relationship with him.
btw, they piss and moan an complain that the boys worldy grandma has such a close relationship with him.
