a test of friendship

by tsunami_rid3r 16 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  talesin

  Really good advice on this thread!

  "testing" is something we all do, even if not consciously. We test each other's limits, it's natural... but if you plan it, all you are doing is 'setting a trap' for people to show their worst side. That's called "passive-aggressive" behaviour ,,, don't bother, folks will show their true colours in time.

  If you just take care to be your true self, you won't mind when the occasional 'using' circumstance happens, folks do it mostly out of their own need, and not a desire to hurt you. The key is in determining whether you want to hang out with them or not, some folks are in too much pain and will only hurt,,, others will come around and are really caring folks who will also give back.

  Life lessons ... you'll get there, tsu.

  t
• 

  diamondblue1974

  Testing friends will only lead to heartache and in effect you are setting them upto to fail...friends sometimes will fail you...it doesnt necessarily mean that they are less a friend than you thought...its just human nature that we are not socially exclusive and sometimes that may hurt...but you really have to get out of the mindset that suggests that if a friend decides to 'hang out' with someone else that its a betrayal.

  When I left the witnesses I had very few friends left as most were still in and probably always will be...and we all know what sort of friends they can be like... my ex wife had managed to ostracize a great number of those who were closest to me growing up that had already left the WTS, I had work friends but these were more acquaintances where a works social was about the limit. To get back what I had it was clear was going to take some work...

  Within 6 months I had more new friends than I could ever imagined possible and that list grows day in day out....theres no test...its just a natural occurance that when you offer your friendship without any conditions attached, it gets reciprocated...some do some dont...those that dont...well its no loss...good luck to em.

  I didnt see one of my closest friends for over a year....she was travelling through south america, brazil, USA, Canada but when she was back it was like no time had passed whatsoever...so totally agree that true friendship also isnt always about how often they agree to hang out with you.

  In short to obtain true friendship you must be a true friend...chill out and keep going with the flow.

  DB74
• 

  Evanescence

  I Know how it feels to have friends who are not true friends.

  I used to have friends who always did things behind my back, bullied me, left me alone when in need of their help, never even knew I was missing, Treated me unfairly, always talked behind my back, blamed me for everything that went wong, made plans to get rid of me eg. play hide and seek but they all had a plan where to meet up and hang out while I spent the whole of lunch hiding thinking that I am playing hide and seek with them.

  Oviously they were not my true friends but they were all I had at the timw for I was only in primary school and there were not much people. Now I have true friends that include me find me important always notice me was there for me, cared about how I felt and more importantly I feel that I can trust them and be myself around them, I never felt that way with my old friends.

  So do you have that special connection with your friends? do they like you for who you trully are?

  If your friend bullys you and does not like you for who you are then really they are not your friend.

  Evanescence
• 

  tijkmo

  well you could always do a bit of role reversal here

  ask yourself if all the things you were planning were used on you..what would you think of the person doing it..would you want to be friends with someone who deliberately set up that kind of test..

  or ask yourself

  how would i react if the girl at work asked me out

  what would happen if i said yes....and what would happen if i said no

  and if i said yes and we arranged to go on a date...how would i respond to my best friend when they phoned to ask me to do something with them at the exact same time

  and how would i feel if my best friend and the girl at work had got together and planned the whole thing to test my friendship

  (man i have way too much time on my hands)
• 

  Sunspot

  
  Tsun,

  PLEASE don't take my post in the wrong spirit. I feel so bad for you with the things that bother you and how you brood over so many things. You remind me of ME at about the same age, always with the what-ifs and should-I's!

  You are young, vital, talented and did I mention young? You have so much to offer and many years to figure out who you are and what you're all about! RELAX!

  And if you can't relax, have you ever considered using all this energy and doing something good with it? (doing being the operative word here) Have you thought of being a "big brother" type where you could give of yourself to a little guy who needs a friend?

  Have you thought of going to a Nursing Home or a children's wing of a hospital and reading to them, playing board games with them, playing your guitar for them, helping the older ones write letters, etc. The list is endless. You can feel like you're accomplishing something nice and will be truly helping someone in the meanwhile. Sometimes you have to be a friend to get a friend, and friends come in many forms shapes, sizes and ages!

  The summer months are ideal to get into something along ths line---especially with the little kids. THEY are out of school too, and have a lot of time on their hands, as you do! Lots of families can't afford days at the beach or a lot of fun things to do very often, and just bringing one little kid to a baseball game or out for an ice cream cone (even show one how to play a few chords on the guitar!)----it would mean the world to them!

  There are several agencies that sponsor these activities and things could be started today if you're so inclined. It's all voluntary and can be stopped at any time. The rewards are great and they "pay" far more than a weekly paycheck.

  You'll find as your "world" expands, just how fruitless these other "concerns" that you have, really are. Your mind won't be whirling with all these worries that you seem to be surrounded with. WE love you just as you are, kiddo! hugs, Annie
• 

  Mecurious?

  going with the flow...i dont understand that really. am i suppose to just sit here and do nothing but follow? say i want a girls number, do i just sit there and wait for her to take the action? like say i want a girl at works phone number, what do i do? i could just ask her over break, but am i going with the flow? wtf does it mean? you have to take action sometime right????
  
  Nope, but I think your on the right track. Most people you meet in life wont really be your true friend, they will be more of an accuantience of sorts. You'll probably meet one or two that can be counted on if that. But, over time you'll figure out who you can trust and who you cant. People who play games and test people usually end up pissing people off though. I'm very frank with people so when people start testing I usually call them on it. They either own up to whats really happening or I just wait and let them hang them-selves which they will always do if not sincere.

  I have a so-called friend that i'm having to ditch, cuz the only time he really calls is when he needs something and usually its money. So I agree with you if they only call when they need or want something then what kind of friend is that? I say the hell with friends like that.

  M'
• 

  tsunami_rid3r

  yall are awesome.