Are we like jilted lovers?

Fatfreek

Moments ago on Good Morning America they did a piece on a recovering Mormon, Heather Armstrong. The point of it seemed to be that she is handling her depression in part through her blogging journal. An analyst on that show recounted how Armstrong is, in effect, receiving group therapy by her online blogging.

My thoughts immediately went to this forum and how it is so therapeutic to many, me included, as recovering JW’s. I view this forum as similar to blogging since many of us spill our hearts out on matters that we have had to deal with. I can only wish that it had been an option in 1977 when I made my exit.

I wondered aloud for the millionth time, "what is it about leaving a cult (the Watchtower, Mormonism) that is so distressing".

I’ll go out on a limb here and suggest what then popped through my mind, that we are like jilted lovers or spouses -- and the amount of distress we’ve suffered, and are suffering, is directly proportional to our acceptance and commitment to the cult. Oh, sure, we all were "dedicated" -- I mean we were all baptized weren’t we? But after browsing this forum for a couple of months I see that there is a range of dedication -- from some who swallowed it "whole hog" down to some merely nibbling around the edges.

Consider me a hog and the ensuing distress was large.

What are your thoughts?

IP_SEC

Naw, I jilted them.

Even if you got DF'd you really left them.

When you do something judicial in nature and get df'd its like you dumping a destructive sig other. When they DF you its like the destructive sig other saying "nuh uh! you cant dump me be cause I'm dumping you" Or like if you fire them, and the elders say "nuh uh! You cant fire us because we quit!"

See?

I swallowed it pretty much all, and dont feel any distress now and very little at the time of the DA. Why cause took the attitude that they were being dumped, not me.

luna2

I agree with you, Ff.

Having been cheated on and then dumped by my ex (who I loved at the time, even though I probably shouldn't have), I've got to say that it's a lot like that. Lots of pain, emotional damage, feelings of worthlessness and anger.

I believed whole-heartedly in this crap and put so much into it only to end up feeling duped and used. At least I got to leave this bad relationship on my own. I think its even more painful when you get jettisoned.

Edit: LOL IP....Maybe I should get a new attitude!

SixofNine

"....the amount of distress we’ve suffered, and are suffering, is directly proportional to our acceptance and commitment to the cult. "

To be frank, I think you are more wrong than right about that. I can only think of one person who appeared to be (and in her case, was, at least by the time she actually left) a "slacker" as a witness, and upon leaving, encountered no distress. She also just happens to have no family at all who are witnesses. OTOH, I know of many people who would bend/break the rules to the point that it shocks me, and yet they suffer horrible distress on leaving, both from their own minds, and from the loss of friends and family.

I would probably say that "the amount of distress we’ve suffered, and are suffering, is directly proportional to our acceptance that the cult is our natural community, while the world is bad, and won't fully accept us anyway.

Englishman

we are like jilted lovers or spouses

Nah...you might be jilted by your ex, but did your ex have the power to make sure that no-one in your past ever acknowledged your existence again?

Englishman.

rebel8

I wasn't jilted by JWs. I jilted them.

talesin

This comes close for me,

I would probably say that "the amount of distress we’ve suffered, and are suffering, is directly proportional to our acceptance that the cult is our natural community, while the world is bad, and won't fully accept us anyway.

I never believed in the Lie. The spock part in me, sat back as a child and observed that these 'humans' (adults) acted in a most illogical way, but it was the only community I knew. I had been taught the self-blaming, judgmental ways of JW from birth, and needed to break down that belief system before I could feel any acceptance from the REAL world.

It was not so much my religious belief system, as it was my world view, that was skewed. I belonged nowhere. Being 'other than' everyone else left me feeling bitter and abandoned for quite some time.

I can only wish that it had been an option in 1977 when I made my exit.

True, true. It was also my experience that finding meaningful help for depression was difficult back then. It took me 10 years of active searching to find adequate medical care and support. And the men had/have fewer options! I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for you. Not only online, but everywhere, things have really changed for the better in 'support for recovery' services.

The plethora of self-help pop psychology hasn't helped, but at least there are valid sources of help to choose from. That's where reasoning skills and decision-making come into play. It's why I encourage folks to read, read, read, be a sponge. Debate, discuss, listen. Learn how to analyze critically and see outside the box. Then, look within. This process no longer has to take a long time. ;)

t

greendawn

Strangely there are some of the feelings in a failed man/woman relationship in the failed jw/WTS relationship, especially the sticky feelings.

katiekitten

this is an excellently thought provoking idea.

I think its true that the amount of hurt is proportional to the amount of committment we made.

But, I think the WBTS is more like a Svengali than a lover. They never committed to us, they never loved us. They only wanted to control us. They decieved and mainpulated us. When we first left we might have felt hurt, but later as we started clocking what had happened we realised we had been taken for a ride, and we only felt anger that we had been duped.

Markfromcali

Some took the initiative to leave and others were either disfellowshipped or were just not loved, so even if you were not formally dropped that's really not all that different.

However your question is are we like jilted lovers, present tense. The fact is some may be, but some may really, really care less (or is it couldn't care less..?) at this point. Rather than like someone hung up on it, it's like the lover you later realized was nuts or just kind of immature. I guess it all depends on whether you have changed, I for one do not dwell on that crush I had with Wendy Johnson back in the 7th grade.. You outgrow these things.

Are we like jilted lovers?

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