Dating a JW

pooka

I am new to this site and stumbled upon it while trying to research a few items about JW. I am dating a male JW. According to him we are not dating, because if we were he would get disfellowshiped. He has been DF once before and doesnt want it to happen again.

My family and friends all know that we are "dating", but his family does not know. Which I am ok with that until he is ready to date openly. He doesnt want to offically start until his kids are out of high school. Which will be in 2 years. We have ex JW that do know us both and have helped with the relationship.

One thing that we keep dabating is the that we are unevenly "yoked" according to his bible. In my bible (I'm Catholic) we are because we both believe the God, "Jehovah". The JW bible states that we are unevenly yoke because we are of different faiths. Can any one help me debate this one. And the other thing we are dabating is that once we do offically start dating we will need a chaprone. I want to know if any one can find me anything in the bible where it states that when you are dating you have to be chaproned. We are in our 40 and we should know we want to do with our lives.

Please help me, as I want this relationship to work out. I respect his faith and he respect mine. I have no problems with him being a JW if that is what he wants. We both know that we will not change reglions for each other since both families would hate us for it, and neither one wants to lose our familes over religion.

Thanks for listening

blondie

He would not be disfellowshipped if he was dating you. Marked as bad spiritual association, maybe. What he would be disfellowshipped for if the elders found out that the two of you had a sexual relationship. So If you are and he says you are not dating, time to find a better man who will respect your value as a person.

The WTS wants people to be chaperoned because if they are alone they might have sex together. If you are alone with him overnight without a chaperone, the WTS assumes that you had sex together and he could be disfellowshipped.

Find another man before you get too involved with this man. He is not being honest with your or himself.

Blondie

georgefoster

To each his own. I'm divorcing my jw wife and I would never ever marry someone involved with that religion. I don't believe that a truly dedicated witness would marry someone outside their faith. And, the df'd or half-ass dubs are worse than the real ones. My wife's ex is df'd and he has all the immorality of a "worldly" person, but holds onto the ridiculous beliefs i.e., church's are bad, no holidays, pledge of allegiance, etc.

I truly believe that you're either with them or against them. I've tried to find a happy medium with my wife for 5 years, and I can't. Granted, we also have the issue of raising children.

Good luck, I hope you can make it work.

pooka

I guess we have both be really honest about this relationship. I went into it knowing that we would have some ups and downs. I truly believe that this relationship will work out in the long run, but getting to the next step will be a long one. His family knows of me because of my work relationships, but the ones that will have a really hard time with it do not. He does have some family members that are not witness so that helps.

wanderlustguy

You need to listen to Blondie. She's absolutely corect.

2 years isn't really thast much time to lose on a relationship in the grand scheme of things, but my money is on a no go for him, if he's got kids that are that old and hasn't figured out what you are about to about his religion, you're in for a hell of an emotional roller coaster when and if he does, even if he doesn't it will never be what you think it should.

Good Luck

WLG

greendawn

The minds of the jws are really conditioned in a complicated way, they believe that all non jws will be wiped out in a soon to be Armageddon so there is normally no point in them wanting to marry a non jw one they will soon lose.

Apostanator

Hi Pooka,

Sorry to give you bad news but if you continue on with this relationship, you'll only end up with agravation and heartache. He is in a high controll group that uses thought reform and mind control techniques to keep him under the control of the Watchtower.

jgnat

I am a regular Christian married to a JW. Whenever the "unequally yoked" scripture comes up, I politely tell them that I am a believer. That usually shuts them up. Most JW's are too embarrassed to tell you to your face that they think you are a pagan (for worshipping the Trinity and Mary) under the influence of Satan.

I find it surprising that you tolerate the secrecy, yet want to debate the "unequally yoked" thing. Obviously the difference in your beliefs will make it difficult for the two of you. If I were you, I'd start fighting the secrecy. Is he embarrassed about your existence? Are you doomed always to remain in the background, a "second fiddle", resented by your new mate as the reason he cannot "progress"?

Why do you want this relationship to work out? Are there any alternatives? I say this because if you are hoping to reform your future mate to a more tolerable model, you are doomed to failure. Be sure he is the kind of man you love living with the way he is.

skyman

The only way to win is to do your studying about the Witneses and confront him if you would like to know some just drop me a line in my inbox and I'll send you more information. This sight is a great plce to start.

AuntieJane

There isn't much good news for you here. Sorry, but to be honest, if you are debating now, it will only continue. Stay and read awhile, you will learn lots.

Since you are both mature adults, I hope you can make the best decision for yourself, which IMO would be to get out of this relationship. There is only heartache ahead, sad to say. Find a Catholic, there are lots of opportunities, there is a good internet Catholic dating site...the church has singles groups, too. Or at least find another Christian. JW's are truly not Christian, and the fact that he is hiding you from his family is a major red flag that you would not be accepted into their fold in Christian love. I think someone gave you good advice, press him on this secrecy issue. The ugly side will show its true colors, which is what you need to see.

Best to you,
AuntieJane

Dating a JW

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