I need your help on this one, big time! I am new to this but I like reading everyone's posts on here.. I need advice. Sorry this is so long but if you feel like you could please read it!
I was never a Jehovah's Witness. My husband was raised one, and left the Watchtower before he and I got married. I was raised a Christian in a non-denominational Bible church and acknowledge Jesus Christ as my Savior and Lord. Anyway, his parents and the rest of his family are all still JWs, and we don't have any contact with them. However, there's a strange twist to our story, because the choice to not associate with each other was his, not theirs. They would love to talk to him - however, only in an attempt to indocrinate him back into the Watchtower. We have tried to be friendly, but every single time, they say negative things and tell us how they know we're unhappy and that we'd be much happier if we "did the right religion." Also, they were very abusive to Matt (my husband) when he was a child up until he was a teenager. They used to beat him with leather belts, paint stirrers, hairbrushes, wooden spoons, etc. They used drugs prior to his birth and when he was a baby. They ignored him, and sometimes would even pick up and leave him and his siblings for days when he was just a child (4, 5, 6 years old, etc). They were extremely neglectful, sometimes not even providing food, medical care, clothing. They practically had nothing. Basically, they are just awful, wicked people, doing the work of satan. For a long, long time I was extremely bitter and angry at them. I called his mother a drug addict and blew up at her and screamed at her several times. We haven't talked to them or seen them for about 8 months, but yesterday I was feeling rather guilty about what I had done. I felt bad, and I felt I was not being a very good witness of Jesus Christ. When I yelled at her, I didn't model behavior that was like Jesus'. I believe that I had every right to be angry with them because of how they treated my husband - but I don't think that resorting to name-calling was a very good example for them. So even though they are the ones who abused him for years and years and treated their ANIMALS better than him (they have 4 cats and 2 horses and the animals would eat when the kids wouldn't, and they beat their kids but wouldn't dare lay a hand on any of the animals!), and they literally treated him like a piece of trash and said all kinds of horrible, sick things about me, I called them yesterday and talked to his mother and apologized for the way I acted. I said "Any hurt that I personally may have caused you, I apologize for." She then said "I'm sorry, too." We then went on to have a conversation. She told me what she and her husband had been up to, her husband's job, the animals, etc. And I told her some basic things about my husband and me, that we got a new car, that my husband likes his job and our church, about a concert we went to, etc. She also asked why my husband didn't want to talk to them anymore. The reason is that they abused him and never acknowledge it, and if he tries to be friendly with them or talk to them about JWs or his new beliefs or anything, they get angry and try to tell him what he's missing and verbally harass him. But I didn't say that. I just said "Well, he said that he feels like you don't listen to him." Which is true, I mean it kind of sums it up but it doesn't go into a lot of details. He would just like to TALK about his childhood and get some answers and would like them to apologize and to forgive them, but they flat out deny it or scream and get angry. He would like to share things about Jesus with them, but they rip up anything he has given them. They want to communicate with him, but only on THEIR terms. But I just said "Well, he said that he feels like you don't listen to him."
Anyway... now I am feeling like maybe I did the wrong thing. I thought that calling her up and apologizing for anything I had done or said would be a good thing, the right thing to do, and that it would make me feel better. But now I feel like I sold out my husband. Like I let her off too easy. I mean, as my husband says, what kind of parent is this? She's no parent. He says that she doesn't deserve to know anything about him and his life, because she's not even like a parent, and that no one owes her any explanation or update on his life. But that's basically what I gave her yesterday, an update on our lives and what we're doing together. And I didn't tell her all of the horrible things she did to him in the past. It's like I let her off the hook, and she didn't deserve that. She should know what a horrible person she is, and she should know what Matt thinks of her, and she should sit there wondering what he's up to and not being able to know. And I just gave in and told her, and I told her that it bothers me that we don't all talk and have a nice relationship. Plus my husband is pretty upset about what I did. He doesn't want her to have any idea what he's doing, anything about his life, and she didn't until I opened my big mouth and called her.
I don't know what to do or think or feel. I feel horrible! I thought apologizing was the right thing, but now I feel really bad about THAT, too. I feel like I betrayed my husband, and also that I let this evil woman who beat my husband and didn't protect him and love him off the hook. This is a woman that I have harbored pure HATRED for for so long, for a very long time. I wanted nothing more than for her to never hear from us again, and to have no idea what we're doing, and to just be punished forever for her actions and to have to think about them for all eternity. And THEN I called her up and was sweet to her, and I apologized to HER, and I didn't mention one thing about what a horrible evil woman she is. I just told her I was sorry and I wanted to tell her that, and that I hoped one day everything could work out and we could all talk and have a nice relationship.
WHY, when I hated (and kind of still do) her so much, would I call her and DO this?
I feel horrible, like she doesn't deserve to know, but now she does. What should I do about this?
I feel like I really sold my husband out. I wanted to apologize, but I shouldn't have called if I knew he didn't want to talk to them ever again. I thought I was doing the right thing, and it turns out I did a horrible thing. Did I? I won't ever do it again, but please give me some advice on what to do now, what I should do in the future, what to do for my husband to make it up to him, etc.
Also - what should I do about the fact that now she knows this stuff, and I feel like I let her off the hook and she doesn't deserve to know?