1. No matter how much you search my neck, you are not going to find a cat nipple. Knock it off.
2. The recepticles with dirt and plants in them are, well, plants. The recepticles with clay (which resembles dirt) are litter boxes. In the civilized world, we do not intermingle the two. Burying your poop deeper in the plant does not fool me, either. Oh and while we're on the topic of poop, the goal should be to get it IN the litter box. In the same general vicinity is not good enough.
3. Curtains are not there for your amusement, such as playing hide and seek or climbing. What on earth do you think you're going to do when you get to the top, anyway? You'll be stuck, and frankly, I might be inclined to leave you there.
4. My adult cat is not a horse for you to ride. Nor is she a trampoline. She happens to have nerve endings which hurt when you say, stick your claws in her eyeballs or try to see how long she can go without oxygen. If you kill her off, you'll be really bored. Remember that.
5. If you wake up from a nap and can't see anyone (feline or human) in sight, this is not cause for panic. You need not start crying either.
6. Trying to claw the bottom of the mattress is not amusing at any time of day, especially in the middle of the night.
7. Trying to run me down on the stairway will not get you fed any sooner. In fact, it will delay your breakfast significantly when you finally trip me.
8. Vomiting is not amusing. However, if you must, please at least try not to do it on the upholstery or while I'm eating.
9. Eating bugs is ok, provided you don't chew and spit them out.
10. You need not smell every glass, plate, and surface in an attempt to ascertain if it contains food or water. And by the way, humans do not like to share their food and drinks with cats.