Getting divorced from my husband

by Glofishy 36 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • Glofishy
    Glofishy

    Well, we've been having a lot of problems, and we've decided to get divorced. I hope some of you can help me understand the teachings regarding this issue. Here's my questions:

    1. I don't hate the guy. I want him to be able to remarry someday. He says the only way that can happen is if I cheated on him. I plan to spend the night at my best friend's house, and come back and report to him that I cheated. I told him that I was going to cheat on him and asked him if he believed me. He said he did. We both know deep down inside that this isn't the case, but my best friend is going to try to put a hickey on my neck so that it looks like I had a wild time. Instead, I'll be getting drunk with her and her girlfriend. Is this sufficient enough to "prove" adultery on my part?

    2. I told him that I would be willing to attend the watchtower study and talk on a Sunday after he signs the divorce papers and report myself to the elders and my sinful, adulterous ways. Will this be enough, or will I have to go into sordid details of the "affair"? I can get pretty graphic if they like...as I have a great imagination for that sort of thing.

    3. If for any reason down the road, he grows up a little and decides he's made a huge mistake by divorcing me...does he have the ability to marry me again if I don't find someone else by that time?

    4. He said he was always taught that if we could be friends with each other, that we shouldn't be getting divorced in the first place. I find this hard to swallow since it appears that we are better off as friends than a married couple. He's really confused about this and so am I. He's not baptized, he's considered an inactive publisher.

    5. Let's say down the line he manages to get baptized while we are divorced. Say he's had his fill of growing up and I wind up being free. Can he marry me again or will he be disfellowshipped? I can't imagine that I would wind up marrying him again, but you never know. Our problems stem from his immaturity, and he needs to get away from me and grow up. He was so sheltered growing up that our relationship always seemed lopsided as far as me being the one to make decisions and stuff.

    I'll probably have more questions later. I already told him that I have no intentions of joining the organization, since they seem to forbid things that really is none of their business.

  • upside/down
    upside/down

    Why denigrate yourself for him?

    He's the one in the high-control group...let HIM deal with it.

    Show some self respect and just end it...if that's what you've decided...let the chips fall where they may.

    This is typical JW "control"...you can't even get out with your dignity....

    I'm sure many here will have all kinds of advice... listen and glean... some will be good and some you can pass on...

    But do what's right for YOU!

    u/d (of the wish you luck class)

  • bother_forever
    bother_forever

    If he cant work out, that the bible doesnt go into such in depth detail as regards a divorce, and that the WT have such lengthy guidlines as to where, what, why's and when's of such matters according to the JW "seperation" policy, does it really sound like true christianity? Realality of the matter is its over, nobody hates eachother, and you both want to move on with your lives. Never start telling the elders any details whatsoever. They kinda get of on sexual exploits, and like to know sordid details to work out if "pornea" has taken place. Just help your husband see that life changes and the great thing about humans is we dont need "morality police" to define right from wrong. Technically under their laws he wont be able to re marry unless one of you do the deed. My mum and dad have wasted 12 years of their lives trying to wait out the other on this issue as they are seperated, but yes still active JWs. We're not suppossed to live this way!

  • jeanniebeanz
    jeanniebeanz

    Actually, I quite agree with U/D on this one...

    I'm sorry to hear of your troubles, Glofishy. Divorce is usually nasty business, even if it starts out friendly. I hope you have a good attorney because no matter what you may think now, things can degenerate very quickly and you may find yourself with the short end of the stick.

    Take care,

    Jeannie

  • upside/down
    upside/down

    Sadly...

    I hope you have a good attorney because no matter what you may think now, things can degenerate very quickly and you may find yourself with the short end of the stick.

    a good point.

    u/d (of the fooled me once class)

  • A Paduan
    A Paduan

    Indeed they must be mentally ill - surely you can be kind without subjecting yourself to such a sordid mess as speaking to elders.

  • troucul
    troucul

    maybe I've been out too long, but am I the only one not understanding the problem?

    don't make the mistake of playing by their rules.

    "You gotta do what you gotta do." - Rocky Balboa

  • diamondblue1974
    diamondblue1974

    I agree with U/D on this one...this is his problem...let him deal with it...why allow yourself to be viewed in a disparaging way when theres no need?

    If your divorce is friendly then dont involve lawyers if you can help it...but always keep one in the background for advice only...that way then you remain in control...getting lawyers involved (unless matters are particularly complex) can more than often be a bad move.

    When I got divorced I had my solicitor in the background and I was in control of what went on, of course I took advice and her advice was brilliant but at least things didnt escalate as they usually do when the legal eagles get their claws out. Believe me I know!

    DB74

  • tijkmo
    tijkmo


    in answer to your specific questions...

    you do not have to provide anyone with specific details..so you dont have to attend any meetings or speak to any elders..he has to satisfy them so your saying so in person or in writing would help but is not nessercarally concrete proof

    any re-marraige on his part will be between him and his god...so him knowing you are lying would tend to negate his abiility to do that

    legally you may have to provide evidence of adultery..you merely saying you were adulterous is not usually enough...it would have to be backed up by the person you were adulterous with and put in writing..so make sure they are willing to do that..

    and yes you could remarry him after any subsequent divorce..and no-one can tell you otherwise..but he cant have sex while you are divorced..even if it is on unscriptural grounds

    easiest thing to do here would actually be to commit adultery...i know...its crazy..and 2 years ago i would have thought i would have to be crazy to ever encourage someone to do that..maybe i am

    tijkmo

  • lisavegas420
    lisavegas420

    When I was married to my first husband...(not a JW) I asked him to write me a letter admitting infidelity. He said did, and I was scriptually free to marry.

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