Getting divorced from my husband (page 3)

rebel8

Sorry to hear what you're going through.

If you end up deciding to "scripturally free" him by saying you cheated, then your admission to your husband may be enough. Your husband tells the elders, who then ask you to meet with them. You say no. Refusing to talk about it is often seen as an admission of guilt.

As to what will happen if you decide to get back together, that's anyone's guess. Probably wouldn't result in DFing, maybe getting a slap on the hand by the elders or having his privileges taken away.

Netty

You need to think about anything that might be used against you in court proceedings.

Yes, this is something you really should be concerned about. Why admit to something you did not do? Like others have said, let him deal with the silly rules and consequences associated with this cult. It should not be your problem. And yea, once he actually has to experience some stress or heartache over it, then maybe he will realize he got himself into something that is wrong.

I am sorry you are going through a divorce, I know this must be a difficult time for you. Why complicate it?

inquirer

Glofishy

___

Inquirer
Sorry to change a subject, but in Oz we call it a "lovebite" do you also use that term there?

hillbilly

I am not a lawyer..but I will pass along some advice I got from mine during a divorce ala'JW.

In a nutshell here goes"

* Dont worry about your points 1-5. at all, ever. The Court doesnt care...The Judge wont want to talk about it and in the big picture what the WTBTS thinks or wants doesnt really matter. They will excuse or condem him as needed...mostly based on his ability to suck elder butt.

* Let your attorney do his job. He will seek RESULTS for you...he has to. No lawyer ever want to get sued later for malpractice. Let him petition for any and all rights and compensations your state laws allow. Take actions to protect your finances and the welfare of any children. Think long term. That is reall all the Court cares about. This is Civil.

Personal opinion of mine.... the JW culture really didnt keep your marriage intact...you say he's not even baptized so you shount give a rat's a** about what the Elders may do in the future.

You owe the KH nothing. This divorce will tax your emotions on so many other levels I suggest you save your energies for the real issues at hand...those the Court will deal with.

This is a sad day...and the begining of a new life for you. Greieve, heal, enjoy.

~Hill

hillbilly

When I was married to my first husband...(not a JW) I asked him to write me a letter admitting infidelity. ; He said did, and I was scriptually free to marry. ;

Lisa... was this man blind or just stupid? Some guys just dont know they have it made. You still cut quite the figure at your *advanced* age...I can only imagine you younger.

OZ is one lucky man.

~Hill

Why Georgia

Glo,

Please don't admit to adultery that is just wrong. Also do you want that as a part of legal documents that you are an adulteress when you aren't? Those are a matter of public record and everyone including future employers could see that.

It sounds like you still like your husband have you thought of going to some kind of couples therapy? If there is a chance of working it out and he is not abusive why not try...unless you just don't want to do the hardwork?

Marriage is hard, the second hardest job to parenting.

I've been through divorce, its ugly and is like being kicked in the teeth repeatedly...and that's with both parties supposedly being nice and in agreement......ha!

That doesn't happen. Wait until he wants to take something you want to keep...it gets ugly fast.

I wouldn't go to the Elders either...keep them out of your business. They are all perverts anyways!

WG

mrsjones5

4. He said he was always taught that if we could be friends with each other, that we shouldn't be getting divorced in the first place. I find this hard to swallow since it appears that we are better off as friends than a married couple. He's really confused about this and so am I. He's not baptized, he's considered an inactive publisher.

1. I don't hate the guy. I want him to be able to remarry someday. He says the only way that can happen is if I cheated on him.

Wait a minute, he's not baptised. I could understand him saying this to you if he was baptised, but he's not baptised!!! He's wrong, the rules dont apply to him even if he's an unbaptised inactive publisher, he's as close to being worldly as I am. And isnt California a no-fault divorce state? see link http://www.ilrg.com/forms/divorce-nc/us/ca

In California, you can end a marriage for two reasons: irreconcilable differences or incurable insanity. You do not have to give the court any other reason for ending your marriage.

http://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/reference/guide-family.htm Josie

candidlynuts

yeah..he's not baptized..he isnt bound by the scriptual divorce thing.. so its not an issue..

deal with your divorce like a normal person, keep your dignity !

Nathan Natas

Glofishy, I am sorry that you are having to go through this.

If I understand what you've said,

1. YOU are not a Witness and don't plan to ever be one

2. HE is not a Witness yet, since he is unbaptized

My advice: explain to your husband that you will not degrade yourself by lying for him to anyone, especially not the elders of the congregation he wishes to become part of, and CERTAINLY NOT to a judge.

If you divorce him before he is baptized, or if the process is started before he is baptized, the judicial committee of cheese & cracker men have no business getting involved.

If at some future date you decide to remarry him (WHY, for the love of god, WHY?) and he has been baptized, then his marriage plans are something the judicial committee would probably want to talk to him about, since it would evidence of "spiritual weakness" on his part to marry an unbeliever. There are plenty of controlling/neurotic/psychotic women in the Kingdom Hall for him to select from.

Divorce him, turn your back, and walk away. Find yourself someone who isn't a "fixer-upper."

jillbedford

I want to express my support for the pain you are going through. I have been though this myself.

Both I and my husband were both witnesses. We did not bring the congregation into our business at all. I wanted to leave them out of it in case my husband were to ever decide to return it would be a possibilty for him. Even though both of us had commited actions that would lead to d'f both of us went the fade route and can speak to all of our relatives.

My advise is to keep in clean and keep your personal business to yourself.

God Bless America. Divource is legal and we are free to move on with our lives!!!

Getting divorced from my husband

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