I've been away from this board for a really long time, since then I've made huge progress in my recovery from life in the JW world thanks to some professional help. Now I am at the point where I just don't want to be anywhere near anyone remotely associated with the organization. My parents no longer speak to my husband and I, but when I do have to interact with my JW inlaws I feel incredibly sick. I've had an urge to write a letter DAing myself to sort of draw a line in the sand as they say. But my fear is that writing a letter will cause all kinds of uproar in the local congregation who has left us alone for the past few years (my husband has also left, but is much more passive in his feeling towards them). So - has anyone here ever DA'd themselves after being out for almost 9 years and, was there any personal satisfaction to doing so?
Are there benefits to DAing Yourself?
by zenpunk 22 Replies latest watchtower bible
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GetBusyLiving
Hey there, well you never have to hear a fake assed "We missed you at the meeting" ever again. I did a mini fade before.. I hated it. Everytime you talk to a witnoid its that same mind-numbing shit you have to pretend to believe in.. I couldn't do it. They'll know where you stand and you never have to watch your back again ever. Its freedom.
GBL
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mjarka911
Hello Zen and welcome back. Glad your recovery is moving along. I never had the opportunity to do the fade. My life as a 3rd generation dub was so connected with the org that someone sometime would have noticed and reported me. I know some say that by DAing yourself you are just allowing yourself to be controlled by their system. That maybe true, but with the recent push towards "loyalty tests", I think if many faders are observed doing "bad stuff" they will be DF'd. The announcement may be the same, but I liked being able to say I did it on principal. I left because I no longer believed the same things they did and I wasn't going to hide. Good Luck
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greendawn
I disassociated after years of fading because I couldn't stand the borg anymore and wanted to make it clear to all what my position was. I didn't want to have anything to do with them.
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doogie
So - has anyone here ever DA'd themselves after being out for almost 9 years and, was there any personal satisfaction to doing so?
well, i can kind of answer your question. i had been out for about 4 years when i DA'd. like you, my family didn't have any contact with me anyway, so i wasn't exactly risking that. when i was active and i heard that someone had DA'd i was always intrigued as to why. i always assumed that they were doing something "wrong" and didn't want to get caught, but it still made me wonder. (i know, they don't differentiate DA and DF anymore, but when i DA'd they did).
but more than anything, i just felt better personally afterwards. i had ended that chapter as completely as possible and now no one in my old congregation would wonder what my status was. i actually kind of hoped for that 'uproar' that you mentioned but i doubt anything like that actually happened (they probably just said, "Who?").
so, anyway, for me there was personal satisfaction in knowing that i had closed the door intentionally rather than waiting for the elders to do it to me by DFing me at some point in the future (i was completely inactive so it wasn't like they had any 'dirt' pending, but from what i understand, the elders are making an effort to contact inactive people now...of course, that has nothing to do with JCs ). i also took satisfaction in that i chose to remove my '1' from the JW column and add 1 to the DA'd column (i know, i know...they don't publish any list like that. but you know that bethel keeps a list of who [or at least how many] have DA'd).
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willyloman
The chief benefit is, they leave you alone.
The downside is, you have to acknowledge they have some measure of control over you by sending them a letter which invites them to kickstart their DA process (and related announcement to the congregation). But it may be the only real alternative if circumstances determine you can't just fade. Some people have been able to fade and are never bothered by dubs again (it depends a lot on family and business ties, etc). This is best accomplished by moving far away and leaving no forwarding address. But not everyone can do that.
You have to weigh this and decide what works for you.
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Sith
"Everytime you talk to a witnoid its that same mind-numbing shit you have to pretend to believe in"
I don't know how faders do it. How can you nod your silly head in agreement as JWs speak? They are God's chosen people...you are an apostate. How can you smile at them while they are secretly praying for your death? And your children's death? -
Soledad
When I DAd I felt a huge sense of relief afterward, like a very heavy burden taken off my shoulders. It made perfect sense for me because it made my position very clear and widely known. It was only after I had written the letter, and just the act of writing it alone, helped me move on with my life. I was able to clearly envision how I wanted to live my life free of the WT. I had no success fading, and since I was not "well connected" in the org there was no real threat of losing contact with friends and relatives.
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zenpunk
You all have some really good points. I feel like I have to make a stand for what I believe in. I think what clinched it for me is back in April my husband and I went to his brother's wedding in South Africa. We were put up with a JW family and had to go to a JW wedding etc. I wanted to scream - I felt like such a fake! At the wedding reception we couldn't stand it anymore and lit up cigarettes we bummed off of someone (and we don't even smoke!) because we couldn't take the falsehood anymore - stupid wedding talks about subjection, etc. when the groom is only 20 years old!!! (obviously horny to get married). It was after this that I've had a strong urge to take control and write a letter to say look - I'M NOT ONE OF YOU!
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lowly one
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Out of courtesy for the ways of the institution you could write and instead, consider that the reader(s) of the letter may be having a struggle of conscience themselves. 1Peter 3:10,16,21