Social Skills..... or lack thereof (page 4)

damselfly

parent dealing with skills

Sadly, I think I've given up on those. I find that umhm's, really, Oh? and You don't say, work well.

Damselfly

MerryMagdalene

I dream of one day dancing with LilToe.......

(not even close to an actual representation of either of us...but dreams are funny that way...)

~Merry

talesin

Kwin, 'fly

Sunday, YAY!

'fly, the belly-dancing is gonna be so much fun, and very reasonable. Major expense would be the gasohol for travel! Hope you can do it w/ us. :)

Kwin, emotionally healthy people don't push you to reveal when you are uncomfortable. It's a violation of personal boundaries and often a sign of control. hmmm, I wonder if that 'friend' is a controlling person and/or has boundary 'issues'. S/he may have had a point about you not opening up (although I find you very open), but it was wrong of that person to try and force it.

Also, if you add physical and/or sexual abuse to the JW upbringing, the issues can be much more complex.

As survivors, we had to keep the secret. It's an accepted premise of psychological thought that keeping the secret can often be more damaging than the actual act(s). Just think of how your TRUST was destroyed when the elders covered up! That was a lesson that your psyche took very seriously ----- trust no one, not even your parents!

Be gentle with yourself, and explore these issues, whether it be through self-help, therapy, learning from trusted friends, or all of the above. In time, healing will manifest itself, social skills will improve, and all the hard work will be worth it. Life only gets better. In the words of Picard, "Make it so".

xo

tal

damselfly

Tal~ that was beautiful advice.

Now I luv you too, Damselfly

carla

What about skills and just plain normal behavior that is lost when an adult becomes a jw? Maybe I should start a new thread for this, anyway I can list a few-

Things lost-

The silent language of marriage

Reading your spouses face and knowing exactly what is meant- can't happen anymore cause often it's not his face anymore (see how cult members often take on facial expressions of other cult members)

Consistency- they tend to flip flop on even mundane things, almost as much as the wt has. But then I guess it keeps you on your toes.

Knowing you are really alone in the bedroom- vs- having 12 men from NY and a body of elders and the cong cause of the bigmouths there. (not that this has actually happened, but there is no peace of mind anymore)

jokes that have meaning to only the two of you- not really allowed as some, I suppose could be considered immoral or improper? (can't find right word)

Trust- how can you trust a mate that believes lying to you all in the name of jhovoh is acceptable

Partnership- when one would be content living as a boarder in a home that is supposed to be a family there is no partnership.

Oneness. - that one I miss the most

Memories- somehow they seem to have supressed many of the memories from previous years. I guess they were all sinful anyway.

common language- as so many words have taken on a new or different meaning. Thanks to all who have supplied buzz words and definitions of the cult language.

Conversation about everything and anything- not allowed anymore, I suppose I could 'stumble' him.

Respect- I at times have a difficult time having respect for him, can't he see what he has done to our family? No, he can't, that's why it's a cult.

Family first- no need to explain to you guys how that one works. Org first. Once upon a time though...

The list could go on I'm sure, but now I am sounding like a whiner. I haven't actually put those on paper before, what a wash of sadness. carla

talesin

'fly

Luv you too, hun! Can't wait till Sunday.

carla,

Let it out, gurl! I have a friend whose mate is JW (I think you may know her!), and my heart aches for both of you. It must be indescribably lonely. You've done a great job of expressing ... (((HUG)))

xo

tal

kwintestal

Everybody says they love everybody else ... but nobody loves me!

I guess I'll go eat worms.

Kwin

MerryMagdalene

Same here, Kwin.

So, I figure we can either love each other OR we can go eat worms. But not both.

~Merry

Soledad

This is something I battle everyday.

After all, I spent all my life not being "part of the world," so it should be no surprise that I have so much trouble just acting like a normal human being!

One step at a time works for me. Set small goals and plan out how to achieve them.

Belly dancing is great! I urge you to try it!

*sigh* I am so in love with this man. Ok I know he plays a gay department store worker on tv but to this day I have the hugest crust on him!!

kwintestal

Merry, I will love you Just don't tell Mrs. Kwin

Soledad, I also have a crush on Preston. He's hot!

Kwin

Social Skills..... or lack thereof

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