first a publisher, now GF wants me baptized by Sept...

by Buck 61 Replies latest jw friends

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  undercover

  ... Iam getting pressured into being baptized in September. I guess if I miss the Sept date, there will not be another convention till March or May. So Iam having the full court press put on me.

  Ive shared about 75% of my concerns with her and she doesnt understand why that is holding me back.

  Is your relationship with her based on whether you get baptized or not? That's not true love, that's conditional love.

  If you really don't accept the JWs as the true religion and you go ahead do this, you are only setting yourself up for misery later. You will not be happy as a JW if you don't accept it. You will resent all the pressure to do more, do more, do more. Your wife will resent you because you will resist becoming an MS or elder.

  In time, when you realize that you are miserable and say you're done with the JWs, she will want out of the marriage and so will you, but it wil be you that will do what it takes to get DFd to get away.

  Leaving religion aside for a moment...if you do this or any other stipulation she might state just to "get the girl", you, my friend, are whipped. If you let her get the upper hand right off the bat by making you stoop to her demands, she will control you forever.

  Before everybody gets all pissed and calls me a male chauvenist pig, this applies in both directions. Love and marriage is a mutual thing. It takes work, discipline and willing to bend to make it work but if you allow one person to set the demands early and you give in without resistance you're done. The other person will control you. We've all seen the henpecked husbands who just say "yes, dear" lifelessly as their wives constantly nag them. We've all seen the emotionally battered wives whose husbands constantly berate and critisize them. When you go into a relationship willing to forsake your principles and beliefs, you're setting yourself up to become one of those downtrodden people.
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  Nosferatu

  "Love" makes a person do stupid things. Your gut is telling your that this is wrong, but you're letting your emotions lead you in your life.

  No matter what we tell this guy, he's not going to see what's going on until he pulls his head out of her ass and sees the light.

  The Watchtower Society is perfect for you, Buck. They'll dangle the carrot of Paradise Erf to make you jump through the hoops, just like this girl is dangling the carrot of marriage to make you jump through the hoops.

  I have no more to say on this subject.
• 

  Elsewhere

  Come along now....
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  WILKO

  You dont sound sure, its a big step, wait..
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  PaulJ

  Close your eyes... pretend its 2008... will your g/f want you to be a circuit overseer??? If you do want to be a witness, you should set your own goals, not have someone set them for you! My advice- run to the hills!
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  William Penwell

  Good advise from everyone here. Believe me I am speaking from 40 years of experience. Once you are baptized there is no going back. They will have you hooked and then from that point on you can never be yourself. There will be no going back and you will not be able to question anything.

  I lived in a loveless marriage for 20+ years to Jdub that I could never do anything good enough for her. It was always, you must spend more time in the field service, why aren't you a MS yet, why don't you go to more meetings? No sex unless it is approved by the local elders. Can't have recreational fun as this is not becoming of a "Christian". No friends unless they are other Jdubs etc. That is what you are looking forward to. If this still sounds appealing for you go for it but after don't say we didn't warn you.

  Will
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  luna2

  Like the others have said, you have started running on the JW hamster-wheel here. Once you get baptized, you will be expected to not only make all the meetings and go out in service monthly...but to increase your service. Once you look like you are on the right track and holding steady, she will probably want to get married. Then she will expect you to try to "reach out" for the "privilege" of becoming a Ministerial Servant. If you do that, you will be not only making all the meetings, studying for for them all, conducting a family study, running around doing chores for the Elders, and taking on parts for the various meetings, going out in the door to door work weekly, you will probably be encouraged to shoot for Elder status yourself.

  Seriously, it truly is never ending stress....and if you get baptized, get married, have kids and then slack off at some point, you will put major strain on your marriage, be looked at as weak, possibly be shunned by some even if you don't do anything disfellowship-worthy. If you do get disfellowshipped you will be shunned and your wife might even divorce you (depends on the strength of the relationship). This means you might lose your family and most, if not all of your JW friends.

  Even if you manage to maintain a fairly good standing as a JW, you will constantly be under pressure to do more...and, really, if you don't even start out thinking it's the truth, how are you going to do this? It's hard enough when you do believe in the bullsh*t.

  I hope you find the strength to resist. Good Luck, kiddo!
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  Balsam

  Son you need to get a back bone and stand up for yourself. Don't let your gf and the witnesses push you into doing what you have doubts about. Lord have mercy do you love this girl so much you are willing to let her control you with this religion? You know there is a not so nice world for this P---- whipped. I'm a Mom with two son and your situation is not good. If she really loved you she would not be insisting on you getting baptized as a JW if you are not fully with the program. Explain to her that if you get baptized and then do not wish to be a JW down the line you could be disfellowshipped, what would happen to your relationship with her if that happen? You need to ask her how she would feel toward you then? Speak up son before it is too late.
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  Buck

  Thank you very much for all your answers. Some hit home very hard for me. Its true, Iam very much in love and whipped pretty good. But I dont want to turn around and have no relationship and no religion. I have no idea about a lot of my religious beliefs, but I know what my beliefs are about her.

  It comes down to this: If I knew I could find someone this pure in my life again, it would probably be easy to walk away. But I dont know if it will ever happen again. Sometimes you only get one shot at the gold and if you miss, you will have to settle.

  This maybe my gold?
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  Darth Yhwh

  Ill tell you what Buck, There's a lot of words of wisdom and life experience in these two pages for you to consider. Im not shure how much of your life has been involved with the Witnesses but many on this board have much more experience than you can imagine. You would do well to carefully consider may points brought up, not just about Witnesses but also about relationships. Ultimately you have to decide what to do for your self. However, make no mistake, this is a commitment that will change your life forever. Ponder your choices carefully, and if your a religious or spiritual person, pray frequently for guidance.