Here they don't have funerals any more. They dispose of the dead body by burial or burning beyond recognition and then they have a special meeting, usually at a Kingdom Hall. So far when my relatives die, I don't get notified of the death, when or where bodies are disposed of, or time and place of a special Witness meeting. My Witness relatives have made it very clear to me that they don't want me and my family around.
I do have the Witness funeral outline and I've read it. I have Watchtower magazines and I've read them. The Society prints that there are to be no eulogies at Witness funerals, so what's left? Preach dogma to a hostage audience. The Witness people (in print) call a funeral, "Taking advantage of an opportunity". I think it's terrible.
Would you go to a funeral at the Kingdom Hall?
by Dustin 56 Replies latest jw friends
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garybuss
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estrelasb
I went to my grandfathers funeral last summer at the kingdom hall. Most of the family are not JW´s, only my mother and father (it was my mothers father). It was pretty terrible. Some elder blabbing on about armageddon and changing ones path in life to the biblical one, that certain ones would perish blah blah. I was pretty pissed off this was supposed to be a memorial service, memories of my grandfather not some hardcore conversion bashing. Needless to say, the rest of the family intelligent and successful were stunned and thus it had the opposite effect. Some even laughed at the ridiculousness of the speech. The elder made my grandmother so upset she wanted to leave. A very wealthy women she told the elder in no uncertain terms that he was not to visit her. He´s not getting his hands on money she quipped.
My cousin and I had prepared small speeches but were refused the right to read them at the KH. We were relegated to the food reception restaurant afterward. That reception was much more of a memorial, with life stories, merriment, sadness, laughter, tears and jolly good knees up!!!
It had been years since I had entered the KH and it only served to remind me of its dreadfulness. Converted back...not a fucking chance.
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OUTLAW
NO!
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Purza
Sith -- I am sorry for the loss of your mother and the horrible treatment you received.
Purza
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Dan-O
My siblings & I contacted the elders when our father passed away 15 years ago & asked that a service be held at the hall ... not for us, mind you ... but because we knew that our father's beliefs were important to him. We all attended the services out of our respect for him. Hell, even our mother went, and that was 18 years after their divorce.
IMHO, a funeral service is about the deceased and about your feelings/respect for him and his friends/family. It's not so much about the hokey religious overtones. I managed to tune out the drone of the promised new system and focus my thoughts on the good memories I had of the person who taught me a lot about how to be a man. -
Quentin
I went to my father's service. Frist time I'd been in a hall in twenty years. They all lined up after the talk and shook our hands. There were five or so J's that knew me from Ft. Worth and chatted it up a bit. One old brother, whom I was surprised to see alive, asked me when I was coming back. I said never. He giggled and moved along. It lasted about twenty minutes. I was nice, they were nice, except the jackass who had been dad's pioneer partner. He cornered me in the parking lot and demanded I return all of dad's WT books. I stopped being nice and he decided he had a pressing engagment elswhere. That was the only fly in the pudding.
My daughter wanted to know why they did that or why they did this, why, why, why. I told her to forget it. It's what my dad wanted. What ever you do, you'll do the right thing, for yourself. That's all that matters.
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Rod P
Dustin,
I think that it is up to you to decide this question. The only thing I would suggest is that you base your decision on what you feel is right for you, and just disregard what all those JW's and Elders may be thinking at the Kingdom Hall.
If I wanted to be present at the funeral of my mother or father, no JW would be able to keep me away. I would show up in spite of them. And when I got there, I would act in accordance with how I wanted to say goodbye, and they can just lump it.
Going there with a friend may be a good idea, if you feel you need support.
Another thing, I would switch my priority to the gravesite, and conduct my own kind of "funeral service", away from the controlling JW environment. Maybe that's all you need anyway, if you decide not to attend the service at the K.H.
Years later, you want to be able to look back on this time, and feel good about what you did and why you did it. You will want to feel you made the right choice. Do it for you, not for them. And even if this is a JW mother or a father who has passed away, and they did not speak to you while you were DF'ed, you should still do it for you and no-one else. You can tell yourself that you have done all that you can and what is right, whether your offering is accepted or not.
My mother once told me when I was a JW, and she was not, and we were having a very strained relationship: "Rod, I may love you. But there is no law in the world that says you have to love me back." As a JW, she bought me a beautiful briefcase for my field service, even though she did not believe in my religion, and even though, as a JW, I did not celebrate birthdays. Years later, after leaving the JW religion, I learned the lesson my mother was teaching me. It's called "unconditional love". She loved me in spite of what I did or believed or said. There I was walking around as a JW, believing I was morally superior to my mom and the world, because I had the "truth" and they did not. Now I felt ashamed, because I realized that my "worldly mom" had a far superior moral code than I or the JW religion ever did.
This is why I say to everyone, "Do what is right for YOU, and not because of what everyone else expects of you, or how they treat you. It has nothing to do with them, and everything to do with you."
True story:
A funeral service was held at a Kingdom Hall for a JW who had passed away. The fellow who gave the talk waited for everyone to be seated and to settle down, waiting attentively. There were JW's and Non-JW's in attendance. The casket was right up front, just below the platform, which was elevated like a kind of stage overlooking the rest of the hall. The speaker approached the microphone, looked out over the audience, and then he began..........Raising his right arm over his head, and then swooping it downward, pointing at the casket, he let go in a very loud voice the following words: "THAT.......MAN........IS........DEAD!!!!!!!"
The audience was in shock. The words were deafening. The speaker thought he was being effective, getting everyone's riveted attention. At that point he delivered the usual JW talk about the soul doctrine, the soon-to-come end of this wicked and evil system of things, the resurrection, and the new paradise earth after the "big A".
When a funeral service, remembering the person (especially a loved one) who has just died, turns into a mere proselyting tool for some cultish religious organization, delivered without respect or couth, then I feel nothing but disgust and loathing.
Faced with being in attendance at such a farce, I would probably choose to be absent, and say my farewells at graveside, and do my grieving at home amongst friends I respect.
All the best with whatever you decide. I really feel for you.
Rod P.
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potleg
The last 2 funerals I went to in the KH were mopre like infomercials for the WT...(whatever turns them on)...I'd love to go to a JW funeral if the pyre was the Kingdom Hall...burn, baby burn...
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Agnes
I would not. I saw a video of a funeral taken at a Kingdom Hall and was so disappointed that the wonderful person that had died had not been eulogized the way this person deserved to be. It was cold, boring, and not about the deceased. I would have a personal memorial service with people that cared about the person and remember them properly. Agnes
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reagan_oconnor
No way, no how. I will not subject myself to the recruitment seminars that are JW weddings & JW funerals. I'll send flowers in sympathy to my sister, but I will not attend a JW funeral, even at a funeral home.