Hey Dustin my good ol' mate:) I can fully relate to your conundrum, and it's incredibly sad and frustrating that we have to think of these things aforetime when they're oh so morbid, but it pays to be prepared now, to get your feelings sorted out on the matter before such a time (hopefully in the distant future) that this situation presents itself.
My initial reaction was, that of course we should attend our fathers/mothers funerals no matter where they are. As Blondie said though, JW funerals are very rarely actually about the person and the life they've had, but rather a plug for possible new converts and vommitting out JW fantacies about the "resurrection hope". In your case, as your father has made no effort to reach out to you, and on account of your strong opposition to the JW faith I can fully understand why you would decide not to attend. You don't need to put yourself through all that drama to say goodbe. You and your wife could have your own ceremony whereby you could make peace with your dad, and say goodbye.
This might be a little advantageous, but perhaps this would be the perfect opportunity to raise your personal pain with your father on the matter. Your father needs to realise that he has to respect your personal right to your own beliefs while he's alive. It's so disgustingly wrong that our loved ones are so arrogant about their rightness as to all things, that they would be willing to sacrifice your heart for their own twisted conscience. And to think that they would put a completely different spin on this, and put it back on us, as having put them through so much HA!!!
I remember when my non-jw grandfather passed away (13years ago on Thursday) and my parents refused to go into the Anglican church for the funeral, despite that it broke my non-jw grandmothers heart. I was just 12 at the time, and so desperately wanted to be in there, but was powerless to make this decision for myself. We sat in the car outside and watched everyone else go in. How I despise my parents arrogance for making this incredibly unnecessary stand.
My father is a fence-dwelling-dub, and has opened up to me, so I would attend his funeral no matter where it was. My mother though, I just don't know since she's completely shunned me. I hate to have to think about such things. But when a person you loves/loved died, the ceremonies afterward about remembering that persons life, and a time for those left behind to heal. So, we have to make the best decision we can in these circumstances I guess, to make sure that we have no living regrets.
Post script: Don't you go dieing young now, you're too good of a guy for that:) luv & hugs, frog x