One of the 144,000

by out of the box 31 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Wasanelder Once

  Like marching army aunts another one steps in when one falls. They are proud of that analogy. Dumbasses. Your Mother's honesty was her downfall among the two faced throng. My own Mother died in 2004 and now I really know the pain of death. She's the first person really close to all of us that has died. This pain I wish on no one but know all will likely experience. She died in front of us sitting on the edge of her hospital bed getting ready to come home.

  Only last week I saw her die again, the scene replays less frequently now. This time I was driving in my car alone and I screamed at the top of my voice, gutteral at first and then the words "Dont die" came out. Though I am in my forties I felt like a little boy. I didn't do that as she died. Always logical and reasonable I knew she wasn't hurting anymore. This time I just let it go and if felt so damned good. My voice was gone for three days but I had such peace right after and since. I know, off topic but I just wanted to vent a little. Thanks for listening.

  If you miss your mom a tenth of how much we miss mine then I know your heart is broken. Add the whole JW thing to it and I can imagine you should hide all automatic weapons.

  Sorry about your mom, I can relate.

  W.Once
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  out of the box

  Wasanelderonce,

  I am not an expert on this matter, but your unfortunate loss came at a time when your mind will call up the past! In our 40's we start to relive our mistakes, things pop up like past abuses, things hidden in our subconscience. The good part is, once it comes out, it is not inside making you sick any more, and the peace aftewards means you have 'let it go'!

  When my 87 yr old friend was dying, she was hanging on and on till she was barely here. I hated watching that, and it happened to a friend of mine whom I watched dying of aides. The problem, I did not say 'good bye' I did not tell them it was OK for them to die, and that I am letting them go. A doctor and nurse told me to do that. Both were dead by morning with peace, I did not need to relive their leaving me.

  Death has such mystery and the way your mother went was without resolution, the worst to feel. I am glad you were able to finally let her go. My mother died when I was not there, and it took me a while before I just broke out one day and cried real hard and let her go. I had no idea I needed to do that. AND it does NOT mean you don't love her still, or need her still. It just means you accept that it has happened. I wish you more and more peace as time goes by!

  out of the box