Ex-jw who joined as adults: How did you come to trust your own conscience?

by Check_Your_Premises 24 Replies latest jw friends

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  Check_Your_Premises

  Sorry no raised-a-dub responses here! Just ex-jw who joined as adults.

  ON another thread I pointed out the idea that most jw who join as adults, do so out of a need to compensate for or as a reaction to some bad experiences such as physical abuse, sexual abuse, a time of upheaval, or just a plain old poorly developed sense of self. This in turn led to the need for the security offered by a group that has all the answers.

  Did you leave because you grew as a person, and no longer needed that security offered by a group with all the answers?

  Or did you leave because you had a bad experience that caused you to doubt the claim of divine appointment of the org as God's visible organization? Why did it open you eyes and not other dubs?

  How long did it take you open your eyes?

  Did anyone actively, and effectively work to influence or facilitate your departure?

  Thanks!
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  Check_Your_Premises

  Tough questions for a Monday?
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  Goldminer

  I left because I had a bad experience that led me to doubt the divine appointment of the WTS as god's approved organization on earth.

  The PO wrote a letter to all male members of the congregation(baptized and unbaptized) telling them about their field service activities and where they needed to improve.Anybody who wasn't averaging 10 hours a month.no matter what their circumstances,immediately lost any privileges they had.The letter also said we'd be reviewed on a quarterly basis(every 3 months) and that adjustments would be made accordingly.Apparently none of the elders had seen this letter until some of us started showing them.There was no disciplinary action taken against the PO.Once he realized the damage he had done he made a tearful apology for writing us a letter(not for the damage he did) and got away with it.The CO even sided with him.It was downhill for our congregation after that and 7 years later there is still some effects being felt.

  I'm planning on on having my letter posted on the internet some time soon.I feel ready now to let everyone see the hypocrisy we had to live with here.

  btw,the only elder who stood up against the wrongful letter campaign was soon removed.

  Goldminer
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  Check_Your_Premises

  Any thoughts on the first question? Had you grown as a person such that you didn't need the security of the org so much anymore? Then when the bad experience hit, you were able to see it for what it was?
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  Goldminer

  When the letter campaign hit us,only 4 of us dared say it was wrong.Three of us are no longer associated with the jw's.

  I believe I had grown as a person enough by then to stand on my own.I knew right away that this letter stuff was wrong and I even said that the complete body of elders had to be removed because they were not united and only one of them was strong enough to stand up to the PO.Everybody knew the PO ruled with an iron fist and you couldn't challenge his authority.

  Goldminer
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  Check_Your_Premises

  I believe I had grown as a person enough by then to stand on my own

  Were there specific outside circumstances that led to this growth and faith in your own conscience? Or do you think you just grew up like anybody else, and when this hit you were just mature enough to call a spade a spade?
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  anglise

  Hi CTP

  simplistically we joined in our early 20's and left our church because we believed what the WTBTS was teaching.

  18 years later we left having gradually come to the conclusion that they had lied to us.

  On our way "out" we started to do research on line and everything thing we then discovered helped to make our exit complete.

  Many things led to us beginning to have doubts not least of these being the falseness of the claim to be a "loving brotherhood" and "not like other religions with gossiping etc".

  After about 5 years we had had enough but a bro & sis we were close to persuaded us that the problem was the local elder body who had a few arrogant individuals, and that the best thing would be to change congs, which we did.

  Off course a new family are always "love bombed" and as before it takes a while to begin to unravel the politics in the new cong, but unravel it did.

  About 15 years into our JW aberration, the continual schizophrenic writings in the WTBTS literature was very obvious and we had had enough.

  It is very hard to try and extricate yourself from the clutches of such a high control group.

  Our exit was made more complicated because other half was cong sec and we had bought up our children in it and they were all baptized good publishers.

  Fortunately as we began to doubt and then see the stupidity of the whole set up we shared this with them.

  We are now all OUT.

  One is still married to a very weak JW, but they seem to have a working compromise and there is no shunning towards any of us.

  As to why we listened to the JW's in the first place: Looking back we were going through a difficult time, a young family, fil dying, very high interest rates in the UK (15%), riots, strikes, redundancy and the Falklands war to name but a few. Yes someone in control who could sort out all of these things and make the world lovely was the answer to everything.

  Why did it take us so long?

  I think the answer to that is how busy the society keeps you especially if you really believe it and are trying to do everything properly especially as an elder.

  There are usually 1 or 2 elders in each cong that people will talk to with problems and other half was one of those. He felt for a long time that he couldnt "step down" with a clean conscience.

  But now we wish we had never listened to the sweet little old lady who came to our door 22 years ago.

  Now we dont believe in any form of munificent deity.

  The over-riding factor that seem to govern all thing is sods law.

  Hope this answers your questions.

  Anglise
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  littlerockguy

  I joined as a teenager, so I wasn't raised in it but I dont really consider myself an adult back then, even though I may have at the time.

  To me it was hard to only associate exclusively with other JWs when you get the impression or feel like you are being judged by every little bit of action you do; how can you really open up youself to people like that? While I was in my teens I wasnt sexually active and I was just finding myself. I thought my gay feelings would eventually fade and it was just a phase but they really didn't. I never discussed them with anyone. I didn't trust anyone. I remember one assembly I went to years ago and I remember J. R. Brown being there and giving the talk and I remember him reading a letter supposedly coming from a ministerial servant who was a homosexual but not sexually active and J. R. Brown commented that he admired his determination, etc. They're probably ones like that in the congregation. I do remember the snide remarks from many of the "brothers and sisters" in regards to that part of the talk and thought, "where do these people come from who come into this congregation?" don't they realize that there are people like that all around them and they dont stop to think how remarks like that can hurt people? Where is the brotherly love and compression here? That kind of experience in itself would make me not ever open up to any JWs. In fact one of the people who said something rude was actually an elder who get me into "the troof" in the beginning. Knowing how he felt and many others, if I was to be completely honest, I know how I would be ostracized informally even if they didn't have anything against me to do it formally (disfellowshipping).

  That was ONE thing. Another was the 1914 generation fiasco. They do not rule out any other idea that may come with what a scripture means. They only stick with a meaning that promotes their agenda, getting more converts and "placing" more literature.

  One time I remember I use to pick up a brother for every meeting without fail; even let him stay with me temporarily when he needed to, took him out for breakfast sometimes before the meeting, etc. After he moved he wrote to keep up with everybody, except me. He was immature so I overlooked that.

  Im not the same person as I was going into the organization and I dont think the organization is the same either. I have other reasons for not going back and many of them are similar to the other posts here.
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  Check_Your_Premises

  About 15 years into our JW aberration, the continual schizophrenic writings in the WTBTS literature was very obvious and we had had enough.

  Can you point to an external source of your own personal growth of conscience? Was there something outside that helped you to stand on your own? To not fear the world? To not need the security of a group with all the answers?
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  Check_Your_Premises

  I guess what I am really trying to get at here, is to see if there was something you can point to that led to you having enough faith in yourself to not just accept the things you disagreed with because it came from "Jehovah's organization".

  Why do you think you decided to trust your own instincts, when in the past you yearned to have some group give you all the answers.

  How does that sort of personal growth come about? Can it be encouraged by a loved one? If so, how?