Ex-jw who joined as adults: How did you come to trust your own conscience? (page 2)

carla

CYP, I love your questions. So often I find your posts and it's exactly what I was going to ask. I guess we must be in the same situation. carla

When I realized that they were not personally interested in me but only the fact that I was JW. Like one poster put it, they are interested in the JW, not the person. When I quit going to meetings, I never got visits from "the friends" on an informal basis. No calls except from elders who were doing it out of a sense of duty. Once in a blue moon one or two will show up while they were working in field service in the territory. Why embrace someone or something that will not embrace YOU, the real you.

That and the fact that time has proven to them to be wrong on many teachings and I got tired of living like armegeddon is coming tomorrow. They are not going to suffer the consequences I will have to endure by following their failed teachings.

Check_Your_Premises

Carla,

I have seen you around in alot of the same threads. Are you a UBM?

Check_Your_Premises

They are not going to suffer the consequences I will have to endure by following their failed teachings.

That is a good point LRG. I hope I am not being pushy here, or annoying. I do appreciate your thoughts. I understand you found the org lacking. But every dub does. No cult lives up to it's promises.

Why were you able to recognize the shortcomings as proof of their falsehood, instead of acting like everyother dub and saying, "where else can we go" or "even if it isn't perfect, I know this is Jehovah's organization".

Why do you think you had that trust in yourself. This question is personal I know. It is only about you, not about the org.

littlerockguy

I guess I had to do that after I left. I left and just put things on the back burner for a while. I didn't want to think about anything as far as that was concerned. When I left I still believed it to a large degree. But when I would think about it. When God delt in individuals in the bible, he didn't always send a human representative from an organization here on earth to deal with them directly. He looked at humans and not the organization they were part of; examples: Job, Mary, Jonah, Lot; and Jesus did the same; examples: woman at the well. He did not disfellowship those who may have had doubts; like Barnabas; and would the WTS show as much mercy to Peter as Jesus did?

zen nudist

in 1986-? I read a book called subliminal seduction which spoke of mind control by means of advertisers hiding images in the art work

and I swore to myself if I ever caught JWs doing the same thing I would be out....

though I had many disturbing questions along the way, none of them were enough for me to chuck the majority I had accepted until

I found what seemed like clear evidence they were using subliminals in 1990.... even that might not have completely tipped the balance for me but I also at the same time found a book called armageddon delayed , which let me see the whole history of JWs at a glance... information that I had learned before but only in bits and pieces.... seeing it all at once without trying to make excuses for each little bit as I had done before.... was a real eye opener... It was like coming out of a hypnotic trance which had prevented me from seeing all this lunacy at once and rejecting it..... seeing it bit by bit over time allowed the trance to keep my mind hiding the overall image that this book so clearly showed.

which is why I suspect a lot of the B.ORG are honestly believing they have found THE TRUTH, even while harboring a massive amount of doubts... they are just as entranced and unable to put it all together as I was until something breaks the trance.

sweet tee

I think for those who leave it is a process. The initial 'doubts' will not cause one to move ... it's a series of events and/or set of circumstances that gradually breaks the spell.

I did leave due to my personal growth coupled with experiences while in the tower and personal experiences with non-dubs. When I realized that my family still loved me even though I chose to associate with witlesses instead of them; and that some of my 'worldly' co-workers cared more about my well-being than the dubs did, it helped to readjust my views on worldly people, thus severing the cord that tied me to the b0rg: THE FRIENDS

When the 1914/generation light flickered, it was for me the third time the b0rg changed directions - I knew in my heart right then that they had no idea what they were talking about, and that all the Armageddon gibberish was just cult BS!

I think it took a period of about 4-5 years in all for me to actually leave. But each small awakening and every critical thought that followed was another nail in the coffin of cult membership. Of course I kept my doubts to myself, not even mentioning them to my husband at the time (or since). Strange how the prohibition on discussing one's doubts seems to make them grow stronger. Once I began to doubt the truthfulness of the society then I began to act more independently. I was one of those tow the line dubbies, turning in honest field service reports and ratting myself out for disobeying mother . So for ME to ACT contrary to their teachings was disassociation itself.

Before I even thought of leaving my two brothers told me it was a cult (did I believe them... NO). A couple of my mother's friends warned her too but I didn't listen. By the time I was ready to leave everyone in my family was so surprised they didn't know what to think but they helped me and my children to get on our feet when my long time spiritual family turned their backs on us like we never existed at all.

Check_Your_Premises

I did leave due to my personal growth coupled with experiences while in the tower and personal experiences with non-dubs

How did that personal growth come about? Were there experiences apart from the ones cited that helped you to have confidence in yourself? That built trust in yourself?

amen

For me it is the controlling aspect of the JW's and scripturals.

Over the years there are a few texts interpreted by the watchtower that i saw differently. They used to interpreted one test during asemblies and i used to tell me it is not what the text is saying.

I think i can read very well and the text given is saying something else.

I used to preach to my family quit often, after the new comprehension in 95 that the separation of the sheep and the goat will happen when Jesus Christ will come back here on earth i no longer preach to them. I realised if the separation will happen when JC comes in it is evident that they will choose the lord way.

Also personel things happened to me that make me see they have too much control over the flock as if they were God themself. One example of that was, all ministerial servants had to go to one day course in 2002 to help them having more responsabilities whithin the congregation, like sherpeding calls which i went a few of those later on, what struck me during that session is how the speaker from bethel apply those scriptures to give them the right to go into the brothers personal life. I freaked right there. I felt in disgussed over that. Hey I was on my way out.

amen

sweet tee

How did that personal growth come about?

It started just by working full-time. I was exposed to different ideas as I got to know my coworkers. Then when in corporate America I had the chance to go for various training, assertiveness, communication, real estate license, Franklin Covey workshops, etc. Things that made me have to think and use my underutilized brain. It's no wonder the society stresses full-time ~~booksales~~ pioneering and lonely jobs - the REAL WORLD isn't nearly as frightening as they'd have people believe (you may actually learn something from them) If you're not familiar with the Franklin Covey method, it teaches habits for personal organization and being highly effective. The focus is on principles, paradigm shifts, values, circle of influence, roles and relationships. I've been using it since the late 90's.

Were there experiences apart from the ones cited that helped you to have confidence in yourself? That built trust in yourself?

When my ex and I went to the 'brothers' for financial assistance but their help was conditional I knew I/we couldn't depend on them for anything if we really needed them. They helped me become more independent. No independent thought, no independent action. From then on I was no longer trying to lead on the congregation - in fact, I was SICK of looking to them for answers and getting nothing and nowhere. I then started making my own decisions in small things, like music and other entertainment. The one incident that broke the spell for me was an interview with a gospel singer who was very devoted to her mission. "Why would God destroy this devout woman just because she doesn't believe as I believe?" Once I asked myself that question I had one foot out the door. I really began looking at the b0rg. with a more critical eye.

Ex-jw who joined as adults: How did you come to trust your own conscience?

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