still resisting!

by Kat_ 28 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Kat_
    Kat_

    Hello! This is my first time on a message board relating to anything JW. I haven't posted anything in the past because I still held to the fear that it would be betraying what I was taught, betraying my family, betraying God. This is precisely my life as it is now. I was raised as a JW from birth. I never got baptized and stopped going to meetings about 8 years ago. But until about 2 years ago, I never actually went so far as to seriously doubt or research anything. I just stopped thinking about God. My life bacame empty. I knew at that point that while I was unhappy with the JW's, I still wanted God in my life. So I started thinking I would just 'find' a new religion. It was really a half-hearted experiment that I never made public (my family would have a fit!). Everytime I walked into a church I'd get this eerie, guilty feeling ("Satan controls other religions, they are evil"...I was taught). I would walk right back out and think, "No, I have the Truth". So for 2 more years, I held to the unquestionable belief of the JW's. Then about a week ago something inside me, I don't know what, it just hit me. Next thing I know I am on the internet reading all of the things about the WTBTS and JW's that I was never, ever told. Do you know that I never, ever knew who translated the NWT? I never realized it was even different! I was told it was just translated into modern language by a huge, scholarly committee, but that nothing was changed! I read about Russell and Rutherford, etc. I read about ex-JW's experiences. It was like a movie scene...the poor unsuspecting woman has her whole world turned upside down in the blink of an eye. But then I realized...none of this upset me as much as I thought. In fact, these new realizations made me excited! It was then, at that moment, that I realized that I'd known for quite some time that I wanted to 'get out' but kept on being ignorant for fear of losing my family, my only way of life, etc. I needed this little 'kick' to open my eyes. I had never really allowed myself to be on the outside looking in--I was always told that Satan would be responsible for any doubt or self-searching...that I shouldn't give in to doubt. Always had those shades over my eyes. Now, a week later, after many, many hours of reading and comparing Biblical scriptures, I can honestly say that I am past the 'doubting' period and into the learning period (re-learning the bible as it was written). But here's the problem...I cannot seem to move on! While one half of me says that there is no question about my new decision, the other half is saying "oh, you've done it now...you've betrayed Jehovah and betrayed your family...Satan has you now"...it's so illogical but I can't help it! I am a very spiritual person by nature. Even as an active JW I would always get goose-bumps and feel awe when hearing stories about miracles and guardian angels...(My dad, who was never a JW, told me wonderful and, true-to-him, stories). I know that I haven't lost my faith...just the doctrines of the JW's. I am hesitant to bring up this subject because I don't know how many ex-JW's are practising religion or faith of any kind. The few I have spoken to have either lost faith altogether or believe that church of any kind is corrupt and unneccessary. I don't fit either category. I still believe in Him, utterly and completely. I still want to openly worship Him. But I don't know who, exactly, He is anymore. I can't even pray properly--I keep slipping up--saying Jehovah--then apologizing...I am so messed up. Is there anyone out there who never lost faith in God even after realizing that JW's were way off base? How in the world were you able to cleanse your mind and start again? Every time I read a scripture which I think I have understood, I go back to thinking "what do I know?" "who am I to interpret this?". My self confidence in finding my way on my own is shattered. Out of respect for the group---I am not looking for someone to tell me what religion to join, or that I shouldn't join any religion. That is solely up to me and I don't wish to cause debates among the group. I hope I have not offended you as a whole due to my defensiveness in that last remark. It's just that I am so tired of watching my family knock down any organization that is not JW--I am tired of people telling me that every other religion out there is evil...I just don't buy it. I want to make up my own mind--I am coming here for help because I can't clear my mind enough to even consider other things. That's where I need help. I am still resisting basic things that, while they are as clear as day in the Bible, I can't seem to grasp. I keep thinking back to my Mother saying that only the JW's interpretation is right. No one else's.
    Anyone out there who has been in my shoes? It's only been about a week since I really opened my mind, but my newly-found determination and excitement is neverending. I feel like I've been given a chance to start fresh, to be happy and fulfilled, at last...but why am I so uncomfortable at the thought of 'betraying' the JW's? The thought of actually going to a church frightens me to death! It's considered a major sin in my family. I am fighting it tooth and nail for some unknown reason. I wish I could just wake up one morning with a clean slate.

    ~Kat

  • larc
    larc

    Welome Kat,

    You are at the beginning of an exciting and scary journey. Don't be afraid to continue learning, examining and drawing your own conclusions. You do not have to have a middle man - church or organization - for you to have a relationship with God and his son. If later, you want to try out a few churches and see how they conduct themselves, you won't be struck down by lightning.

    Welcome to our community.

  • individuals wife
    individuals wife

    Kat!!

    Lovely talking to you in chat tonight! So glad to see your post here, its very moving. I hope it helps you to get it all down in writing..

    Dont worry, you will be able to move on in time, but you have to realise that it will take a little time, you have a lot of healing to do, I'm just glad that we are here to help you.

    I am so glad that you have been able to retain your faith, without the JW trimmings, you will find a real mixture of beliefs here which is nice.

    My self confidence in finding my way on my own is shattered.

    You dont ever have to feel like you are on your own, most of us here know what you are going through, lean on us and you will find good support.

    No-one will judge you here, telling you that you are right are wrong, some of us have suffered too much judgement from the society already and don't wish it to continue here. This is certainly a place where you can clear your mind and use us as a sounding board. Shout, cry, have a tantrum, laugh, do what ever you feel like doing......

    Take care Kat and hope to speak to you again soon!

  • Pierced Angel
    Pierced Angel

    Hi Kat,

    I know exactly how you feel, especially about praying. I never know exactly what to say anymore either. Is it God, Jehovah, Jesus,what? So I try to just say Father and in the meantime I promise myself that I will try to read the Bible on my own and try to feel close to him again since my faith has been shaken to the core.

    We've all had it beat into our heads that if we aren't serving God according to the Witness teachings that we'll be following the Devil. It takes awhile to realize that it's not true, just a scare tactic. I was feeling so negative when I was still attending meetings that I didn't like who I was. I would struggle to get to my meetings with kids in tow and just sit there humiliated because my son didn't want to sit still or I didn't study beforehand and couldn't answer. Those same meetings it seemed, always seemed to talk about "doing more" and "being a better witness". I felt like I was just never going to get it right and worse yet, I knew in my heart that I was bored and irritated attending so many meetings. I felt like so many things were elementary and repetitive, it bored me to death sometimes. I didn't miss my friends much, because they weren't "real" friends. I never could talk to them about anything serious or important because I knew they wouldn't really understand. My husband wasn't a witness and many times I would have loved to talk to someone about problems we were having, but I never felt comfortable, like I'd be judged instead of comforted.

    Don't feel alone, we're all dealing with the break ourselves and many here have found a closer relationship with God by attending various churches. I don't think I'll ever want to do that, but at least I can make that decision without fear of angering Jehovah.

    I wish I could say more to help, but just stick around, I'm sure others here have a lot to say too.

    Anne

    "Too much of a good thing, is wonderful."

    Mae West

  • peterstride
    peterstride

    Welcome to the boards Kat...and may I be the first to say "meaohh"!!

    Seriously though, you'll find many many posters here that have been/are going through the same thing you're experiencing.

    You're not along, and you'll find a lot of support here!

    See you on the boards,

    Peter Stride
    Toronto, Canada

  • peterstride
    peterstride

    Meant to say "you're not alone"...not along. Although it is nice to have you along with us!

    Peter
    PS. Aaaarghh...I keep making spelling mistakes, and having to edit...

  • Kat_
    Kat_

    Thanks for the kind words of encouragement. Hi again, IW! To Anne, I know exactly what you mean when it comes to the non-JW husband. Whenever my husband and I go through a 'rough patch', I try to talk to my family about it and it's always the same thing: "Pray to Jehovah"....No, no, you don't understand...how can I get him to...etc..."Pray to Jehovah"...but...."he's not in the truth and you'll always have problems so you just have to pray to Jehovah for him to see the light...then your marriage will be fine"...Gee, thanks, Mom. Nobody respected my marriage or my husband because they always thought of him as a "dumb non-believer" who was never worthy of me. They think I am stupid to have married him. They always said "Do you want to put your kids through that? Do you want your kids to grow up knowing their Daddy doesn't know the truth?" when trying to convince me not to marry him. Well, I've got 2 kids now and the only questions I asked myself were "Do I really want to raise my children the way I was raised? Do I want to raise my kids in the "Truth"?" No. Whenever I hear that I am responsible, that I will be the cause of their imminent demise I get scared. Then I get mad. How dare anybody presume to tell me I am killing my kids? Is God that unforgiving that He would let innocent little children die just because the parents are not 'believers'? I find that a hard pill to swallow. I have not officially 'come out' of the closet with my rejection of the organization...I am terrified of the repercussions. Will my Mother shun me? NO. I know she won't. But it will never, ever be the same. I will break her heart. It saddens me to think about it. The rest of my family will be the same. They won't 'shun' me in the literal sense...I was never baptized so I can't be punished the same way. They will just be a little colder to me...possibly...no definitely try to talk some sense into me. How much of an offensive on their part can I handle? I don't know yet. I have my father and brother behind me but they've never been my emotional support system...it's always been the others, the JW's. I am just plain scared at what the outcome of all this will be. So for now I am just playing the lazy inactive. They all think I am just not going to meetings because I am too tired or just need to be stronger in the faith. They are thinking that any day now, I will 'see the light' and realize I must go back immediately. I feel so awful and dishonest for not coming out with my true feelings but I don't feel strong enough, or knowledgable for that matter, to intelligently debate them...they are one strong, persistant group of people with an answer for everything--so arrogant in their belief. My Father related to me something someone once said: "Jesus himself could not convince a Jehovah's Witness". Well...I think it's funny.

    ~Kat

  • think41self
    think41self

    Kat,

    Welcome to the board.

    You have said SO much that is what many of us went through. The conflicting emotions, the doubts, the fears...just the plain uncertainty.

    Dont' feel bad that you are "not being honest about your feelings", you are still in the researching stage...no one is rushing you to make a decision right now. Don't do anything that cannot be undone.
    Just take a breath, keep reading and researching your own answers, and they will come to you in time.

    I am so glad that you are experiencing the exhiliration of freedom of thought. Isn't it wonderful? And you will be so glad that you saved your kids being raised in that dysfunctional way. And I certainly hope no one would bash you for wanting to have faith, or a religion, or anything. That is a personal choice for you...and no one else. So stick around please, and let us know how it's going.

    think41self

    "When agnostics die, do they go to the great perhaps"?

  • Francois
    Francois

    I've been in your shoes, Kat, like so many others.

    One of the books that helped me the most was by Houston Smith, "The Religions of Man." In it, Smith takes a look at all the major religious philosophies extant in the world today. And he does so absent any judgementalism of any kind. He presents just the facts, and allows you to come to your own conclusions, as it should be. The JWs have a book like that, but it is nothing but propaganda. And it tells you what you should think.

    Beyond that, it helps to remember that "all who are led by the spirit of God are the children of God." Yes, I know the JWs have bastardized the meaning of that simple and beautiful scripture, Kat. But it's YOU that's being spoken of here. So when you pray, remember it's to your own father you are speaking. And he really couldn't care less what you call him. In fact, my own opinion is that in prayer words mean nothing, it's the heart's attitude to which God inclines an understanding ear. I'm sure he hears you.

    Francois

  • cathy4school
    cathy4school

    Hi Kat, Nice to chat with you. Your letter reminded me of myself because I too was in the group for a long time and never baptized and then I had a terrible thing happen to me ( my husband and a 'best friend' of mine both baptized were having an affair behind my back. You can imagine how devestated I was and then to have the elders tell me to keep quiet about it because I would be gossiping was so hard for me. I started to question the morals in the group and decided that the only importance to the elders is how much service work someone does (which I never did) and whether or not you are baptized so when the two of them did what they did the elders of course took sides with them and now they are together and going door to door preaching how wrong adultery is. Like you I stood back and looked at exactly what was going on and was horrified. I was called "evil" by my so called friends in the group and shunned because I stopped going to meetings. I then saw the hypocrisy of the whole thing and decided not to go back. I learned alot from the witnesses but everything I have learned is only common sense. I had some guilt when I left but that was because that is how they hold on to people but I now realize that I am a good person and wouldn't hurt anyone and I also have a mind of my own. I do not need someone to dictate to me especially when the ones doing the dictating are the ones to beware of. I hope you can be happy and I know that there are alot of nice and good people outside in the "world" (as the witnesses say.) If you ask me, it is a shame when you can not even trust your best friend and your husband who proclaim to be Christians. Keep walking upright and know you have friends here.

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