still resisting! (page 2)

Billygoat

Kat,

Welcome! You will find so many intelligent and loving people here on this board. Stick around!

I'm relieved to find that someone else was also excited about hearing the truth about "the truth". It was exciting to me too. But more than anything, it filled in the blank spots for me. I've been out for over 10 years, but there was always a little shadow of doubt in my mind that I'd made a mistake by leaving. It's just been within the last couple of months (since I've been on this board) that I've realized there was so much more to the picture than I thought! It's pretty much cemented for me that the JW's are a cult.

Give yourself time. Within time, the JW thinking will dissapate. I lost my faith after being DFed. It took me years to even pray let alone walk into a church. But God was patient with me. He'll be patient with you too. Don't worry about calling God "Jehovah" in a prayer. He knows what you've been through. Personally, I call God "Father" because that is what Jesus called him. I'd like to think that I have a father/daughter relationship with him. A true loving father will be patient with you. He has been with me!

When it comes to finding a new church family: Look for the people that practice what they preach. Do they encourage personal, spiritual growth? Do they admit to their mistakes? Do they help others when they're in need or do they turn their backs? Do they allow for personal opinions even if they don't believe it? You will NOT find a perfect church. Don't look for one. But find what you think is something that God would be proud of, even if there are conflicts and sin. Anyway, those are some of the things I went by when I looked for a church.

You have been given a fresh-start! I'm excited for you. I've been there. You will start looking at life differently. At relationships differently. At children and parents differently. It'll be scary sometimes, but know that God is big enough to handle your questions. He's got broad shoulders for your tears. Don't give up on Him, even if you've lost your belief system with the JW's.

Wishing you all the best! Christian love,

Billygoat

ReverendRoy

Hi Kat,
Welcome to a fun and sometimes scary journey, that as you read the other posts you will see that many of us of had.

Be true to yourself, in your heart you will know what is right. It is not easy to make the decisions you have, especially when they involve family.

There is so much more out there...good luck and welcome again! If I can ever help just "holler"...

Reverend Roy
"Why is it when we talk to God we're praying - but when God talks to us, we're schizophrenic?"
- Stop in at Reverend Roy's Voodoo Lounge where nothing is sacred: http://www.geocities.com/reverendroysvoodoolounge/

Kat_

Just a quick note: Thanks again for the tremendous support. In the past 2 days through the chat and message boards I feel so much better than I did earlier. I truly am not alone...and that feels wonderful. For so long I thought I was evil and giving into Satan. I feel so much better. I feel relieved and excited. Okay, still a little scared but hey, better than I felt say, 5 years ago when I still believed wholeheartedly--that says something.

Thanks Again,
Kat

individuals wife

Hey Kat....

There, I told you this was a fantastic place didn't I!!!!!

I'm so glad you're here!

ReverendRoy

Kat -

Great to see you feeling better about things. It does get easier as time goes on, although, even after all this time, I still will get some of that doubt back. Hang in there, it is worth it...really. I enjoyed talking to you in chat and hope to again soon.

esther

Kat, it was nice talking to you in chat. These are just my thoughts, but they may help you.
If you tell your mother you will never go back, and why, she will be hurt and upset at first, and probably work on your guilt feelings as well, but she will start to accept it in time.
She may never be able to accept your leaving, though, if you don't tell her, how you feel and why. She will just keep on hoping, and probably pushing, and because she has this hope. That is human nature.
So, if the reason for not telling her is that you don't want to hurt her, just remember that it might cause her more hurt in the long run to leave her with false hopes.
Hope this is some help to you

esther

Kristen

Hi there Kat!
It was great chatting with you last night (even after too much cookies 'n' cream! I see many have been very supportive of where you are right now. What a great group!

I can only agree with Esther about the current issue you are facing. In many ways I wish what you are contemplating and the circumstances around it was the same for me—because there is so much love and acceptance already established in your family relationships. Nevertheless, when you are on this side of it all, it's a scary, uncomfortable place to be.

Whatever you plan on doing, do it for you when you feel ready. And be assured that you will have some supportive friends to help you through that time when you need it.

Take care,
Kristen

outnfree

Hi, Kat_!

Wow! Your post above could have been written by me (without the family part -- I was the only one sucked in in my family) about 9 months ago. I really identify with the confused feelings and the desire to retain some sort of spirituality. The trips to church, and the resulting wave of panic. The desire to/fear of sharing what I'd learned with others I cared about.

As the others have said, just hang in there, take your time. There really is no rush, and keep repeating to yourself that God is patient and merciful.
I have confidence that you will find your path, given time.

Meantime, welcome to the board, see you in chat, and maybe we'll even get a chance to meet personally in a few months!

outnfree

Tina

Hi Kat!
Welcome Aboard! Thanks for sharing your story with us...many of us have felt similar emotions. There are really kind and wonderful people here!
Welcome to other new ones I may have missed!
Tina

Kat_

WARNING: Long Post Ahead, read at your own risk!

Hi all! The replies keep coming and it's amazing each time I sign on seeing how many wonderful people are here! Thanks again for the warm welcomes.

To Esther and Kristen:

You both made very valid points, especially about how letting my mom keep hoping may hurt her in the long run. Well, I agree and will someday just spill the beans. But for now she still thinks I am a total 'believer' even though I haven't gone to a meeting in years. She thinks as long as I show up to Memorial I am okay. (little does she know I haven't been to the last 2). I have no idea why I am so afraid to tell her. It's like I am a little child all over again, afraid of Mommy finding out I've done something bad. My main goal now is to gather enough information to be able to really make my points clear to her...and the rest of my family for that matter. I have just had an epiphany! I just figured out why I am so reluctant to say anything. It just hit me this second as I was typing:

All my life, everytime I come up with an opinion or idea of something, my parents both ask "and who told you that one?"...they are both convinced that I can't think for myself, but rather easily influenced. That couldn't be further from the truth. I am not an outspoken person in that if I have an opinion on something really controversial, I usually keep it to myself. I am a self-proclaimed coward but I really don't care..that's just how I am. As a result of never really speaking out for/against certain beliefs to my family, I think my parents believe that I do not think for myself, that I just go with the flow. So, when I tell my mother my new thoughts, she will be absolutely convinced that my Dad (Catholic) got to me and corrupted my little brain...she will totally insult me by saying that I was 'influenced' by someone, and I will get upset and it will cause a fight--something that hasn't happened since I was about 17. No matter how non-confrontational I like to keep things, one thing I lose my temper at is when someone insults my intelligence by simply not believing that I actually can think for myself. To my parents, I am simply a ditzy girl who was meant to be 'provided for'(my dad is abhorrently opposed to me going back to work before the kids 'grow up') and 'steered'-(Both my parents constantly try to control my life to this day--"You are not raising your children properly", etc...I get it all the time) Bleagh!!! But I am sure many of us have heard that before....and they are still wonderful parents and I love them immensely, this is why I don't bother arguing with them...I just let it go in one ear and out the other...but to actually tell them that, well, that would start a disaster. This is why I talk too much. I feel like no one ever really listens to me--not you guys, but my family, but I think you are accidentally on the receiving end of my motor mouth. Sorry.

In a nutshell, I now realize that I really am just afraid of causing an arguement with my mother and that she'll just end up never believing that I came up with all this by myself...she'll forever believe that someone else influenced me and she will badger me-try to 'save' me-for the rest of my life anyway, so why bother with the headache? She has no respect for me as an individual thinker...just as her daughter. Does that make sense?

So terribly sorry for the length of this post but this is like therapy for me...I have nowhere else to express my thoughts.

Kat

still resisting!

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